Mumblerrr!

johnny appleseed? ha.

2010-03-28T12:07:00.003-04:00

A couple of weeks ago at work, a fellow co-worker went around and gave everyone a little plastic cup of dirt with a seed planted inside. It's supposed to be some sort of inspirational/metaphorical thingy -- cultivating relationships with our students is similar to growing and caring for a plant.

Yeah, that's nice. I, however, took the cup and just sighed. You see, this is something I have never been able to do. Never, ever, ever have I been able to grow something from a seed. Considering my mom can make a dead stick come to life, you would think I would have a bit of green thumb DNA in me. Nope.

Oh, and I'm serious about the dead stick. She took a stick from a former plant at a former residence and stuck it in the ground at her new house. It came back to life. This is the same woman who can cut a leaf off of a plant, stick it in a cup of water, and eventually turn it into small rain forest.

But not me. You know all those time in elementary school when they have you grow a bean? Never did it. Now, as a parent, all the times my kids come home and hand me their seed cup, it still doesn't happen. Once, Sofia had decorated a beautiful pot at preschool and brought it home filled with dirt and gave it to me. Sorry, kiddo, nothing will be sproutin' from there.

Now, I should say that I am perfectly capable of keeping plants alive and growing. I just can't make one burst out of a seed.

So, I sit at work with my cup full of dirt, while everyone around me oohs and aahhs at the green popping out of the soil in their cups. Some have even named the little sprigs. I'm thinking of taking in a fake flower and sticking it in my cup. I'll even water it and stick it in my sunny window.

Nothing like having your inabilities on display for everyone to see...

Isn't it ironic? Don't cha think?

2010-02-27T21:10:00.002-05:00

So, there I am at the Y this morning kicking some elliptical ass when CNN starts showing coverage of the 8.8 earthquake in Chile. Crap. Not another one. Yes, another one.

As I watch the scenes from the rubble, I think of Haiti, and I think of the places in this world where it seems like poverty and devastation are the norm rather than the exception. Feelings of guilt begin to well up inside me. Why am I here in snowy central Ohio sweating with my ipod while there is work to be done out there? Shouldn't I be putting my hands and feet to use for those who could use them? How did I get so lucky to be here and not there?

Then CNN cuts to a commercial break. For Sandals. Yeah, you know the one -- the one with beautiful sandy beaches and clear blue water. The one with the tag line that says something about luxury being included. The one with rich pretty people playing and lazing around drinking froo-froo drinks with little paper umbrellas. Yeah. Nice juxtaposition.

That's our world, boys and girls.

How can one kid talk so much??

2010-02-14T07:36:00.002-05:00

Elijah is 3 1/2 and he can't stop talking.

From the moment he opens his eyes until he closes them again, the child has something to say. It is amazing how much one little human person can talk so much about so little. A typical conversation goes something like this:

Eli: Mommy...?

Me: What?

(pause)

Eli: Mommy...?

Me: What????

Eli: I want...uh...I want...Can I watch a movie?

Me: Not right now. Maybe later.

Eli: Um...Um...Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's dad.

Me: Uh huh.

Eli: Can I watch a movie?

Me: Not right now.

Eli: Can I have a snack?

Me: You just finished second breakfast.

Eli: So, can I have a snack?

Me: No.

Eli: You said I'm mean!

And it goes on and on and on from there. I have had to tell him to simply stop talking and have quiet time. I try to remember that Sofia went through the exact same phase at this age and that it will pass. But right now, I think I am going insane.

cosmopolicrap

2010-01-09T07:39:00.002-05:00

Do NOT read women's magazines. I don't care what it is -- Cosmo, Redbook, Glamour, Self. Do not read them. If there is one thing in our society (and there isn't just one thing; there are many things) that make women feel less than, it would be these poor excuses for informational resources. They do not truly exist to make you a better you. They exist to make money.

And how do you think they make their money? By capitalizing on our insecurities. How do they do that? Their advertisers. Who are their advertisers? All those companies who need to tell you that you are not pretty enough, thin enough, healthy enough, whatever enough so that you will buy their crap. To emphasize all of this, they use impossible to copy supermodels and actresses to schlep their brands. Photoshopped supermodels and actresses. I mean, c'mon! Why do we look at those pics and really believe that she is perfectly proportioned, with perfect hair and skin, and big boobs that don't droop? Sorry fellas, real boobs don't stand at attention without some help.

And have you every noticed that these magazines just recycle the same old shitty info month after month? Seriously, when does the core information they are spewing ever change? They are very good at connecting to the basic concerns of almost every woman and making us feel like they understand and care. They give us stories of women just like us, going through exactly what we are, and making us feel not so alone with our deficiencies. They give beauty advice so that we can fix all of our flaws. They tell us how to eat and exercise because we just aren't thin enough. Oh, and don't forget that we need to know how to dress from season to season because we just aren't smart enough to figure that out. And men? Are they really that complicated? And how much new sex advice can they possible come up with that's truly new and different?

And what if we did follow all of their advice? Would we be better? Perfect? Doubt it.

So, if you would like to improve your self-esteem a hundred-fold, don't buy them, read them, or even flip through them. That's my advice. And I didn't even need to use a supermodel to give it.

almost...made...it

2009-12-31T21:23:00.002-05:00

It's December 31, 2009. In about 2.5 hours, this year will be over and 2010 will begin. I have almost made it through another holiday season.

I won't consider myself a survivor until all the decorations are put away and I'm driving on I-70 to work on Monday morning. Only then will I be able to say I truly made it.

As for this past year, I have been noticing something lately. A lot of people have been commenting on what an awful year it has been. When I think about it, I tend to agree -- 2009 sort of sucked. So, I decided that I need to stop and think about the good things that happened:

1) Way back in January I traveled to Guatemala with Josh. It was fabulous, and I can't wait to go back! That trip was a true gift.

2) My dad turned 80. Holy crap!

3) I applied for and got a full-time position at work. Woo hoo! Don't know about for the people who have to work with me now, but for me it has been great. Love it!

4) Got to go to Myrtle Beach for the first time. One should always be thankful for a beach vacation. Anyone want to go on another one with me?

5) Friends and family added more babies to our world. Love me some bebes!! (and love to hand them back!)

6) Birthdays -- I now have a 10-, 5-, and 3-year-old, and they amaze me everyday. I guess I'm not like most mothers who lament the passing of the baby years. Rather, I tend to celebrate their growth and progress and marvel at where they are now compared to a year ago. I do not miss diapers.

These are the big things, but there are many more little things that I won't list. Things like books and chocolate. As I move out of this year and into the next, I am going to try to concentrate on these big and little things and be thankful for them. Sure, the icky stuff will try to crowd them out (and will often succeed) but I'm really, really hoping for lots of non-icky stuff to fill my life and yours.

Better New Year!

dec 26

2009-12-20T06:21:00.003-05:00

About a week before Halloween, I went to Meijer to get some remaining necessities for the big day. Things like costumes and glitter spray. Ya know, important stuff. Weird, though. Halloween stuff was dwindling and Christmas doodads were sprouting right next to it. I think that's when my holiday depression set in, and my desire for December 26 took hold. Believe it or not, not everyone loves this time of year. Some even dread it.

You see, I used to have a ton of time for the season. Once upon a time, I was a student and then an adjunct, and I was done with adult responsibilities at the beginning of December. There was nothing I had to do but revel in all the holiday goodness and cheer. Then I got a real job. And kids. Who the hell has time to shop, send cards, bake cookies, decorate, party, and be happy all at the same time?? Screw it.

Then I start thinking about what all of it is really supposed to mean. It's supposed to be Jesus' birthday, right? Well, it's not. Ok, but we'll pretend it is. Can you imagine what He must think? Why the hell are these people buying flat screen tvs and wiis for my birthday? Why are they stressing themselves out and making each other unhappy? Why are they getting drunk at their office parties and having sex in the coat room with Jane from Purchasing? Why are they making a big freakin' deal about people saying "Happy Holidays?" -- more on that in a moment. As a society, we have taken this one-day holiday and blown it into way more than I think He would ever want it to be. I mean, think about how much our economy depends on how much we BUY this time of year. Should a holiday celebrating the savior of a certain religion be based on commerce?? How f'd up is that?? And it seems to get worse and worse every year because we let it.

So, yeah, not a fan. And while I won't for the moment go into whatever religion label I do or don't attach to myself, I am very conscious of the fact that not everyone is a Christian and not all Christians find this time of year to be a happy one. If you know I celebrate it, and you wish me a Merry Christmas, then that is very nice of you! If you think I might be Jewish, and you wish me a Happy Hanukkah, fabulous! Happy Hanukkah to you, too! If you just aren't sure what brand of brainwash I might be sniffin' and want to say, "Happy Holidays" just to be safe, I will wish you the same and mentally thank you for being sensitive to something you don't know. Because quite honestly, I really doubt Jesus cares what greetings we bestow upon our neighbors as long as it is said with sincerity and kindness. I mean, somehow I doubt he is sitting on his Son of God throne and saying, "C'mon people. I am "Jesus the CHRIST" not "Jesus the HOLIDAY! Get it right!" (Hey, wait a minute -- maybe THAT is what the "H" stands for!)

You know those WWJD bracelets that were popular for awhile? I think they are awesome. Just wish people would actually stop and think about what Jesus WOULD actually do, say and think and try to emulate that.

So, as I claw my way through one more season where Jesus is supposedly the reason but nobody really acts like it, I am going to keep a low profile and hopefully re-emerge on Dec 26 with a new attitude and a sense of survival.

Happy Merry.

shall i do this again?

2009-12-18T19:04:00.002-05:00

Hmm...my last post was way back in March. It is now December. Guess it has been awhile, huh? Also guessing no one out there is reading this, but that's ok. For some reason I am getting the writing bug again, and I remembered that I have this outlet for just that purpose.

But what is pushing me to come back here? I think it is just a need to express myself, and what better place to do that than my own blog spot?

So, I am back. For now. We'll see how it goes...

another side of the story

2009-03-19T08:18:00.002-04:00

Just read:

http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2009/03/breaking-silence-on-living-pro-lifers.html

It's My Turn to Pick a Movie!!

2009-02-20T09:13:00.003-05:00

Most people who know us know that we do not have cable. Haven't had it since July 1997 and have no intention of getting it any time soon. When our tv is on, it is usually tuned to either PBS or a movie. (Well, there was the one night when I walked into the room to see Desperate Housewives on the flat screen and J sitting on the couch. Oops.)

So, while it is great to be able to say that we don't watch a lot of tv, the reality is that we do watch a lot of movies. Yeah, the same ones all the time because the kids pick, and kids can somehow watch the same freakin' thing a million times in a row without their ears and eyes bleeding profusely. They are so resilient. I, on the other hand, have developed and polished my ability to tune things out. I just might be able to match inattentiveness with any man out there! (ha!)

What I have noticed, unfortunately, is that E, who used to be able to sit and watch maybe 10 minutes of a movie before needing to move on to more exciting activities, now can become absorbed into the action. The child will put a chair in the middle of the family room, sit down, and watch a movie. As all moms know, this cuts both ways: Hallelujah! My child is being quiet and entertained without me! Oh crap! My child's brain is turning to mush with the electronic babysitter!

It is fun to watch him act out scenes later or to hear him talk about how much he likes the girl in the movie. Oh, we love Carmen in Spy kids! And sparkly pencils make great wands. Petrificus Totalis! Yes, E goes around and tries to petrify all of us in the house.

The one consolation is knowing that as the weather warms up that this won't really be an issue as the kids will be outside playing much more. So, instead, I will be thinking: Hallelujah! My kids are outside getting exercise and having fun! Oh crap! My kids are outside getting dirty, scraping knees, and staining their clothes! A ring around the bathtub every night!

But, at least then maybe I will get to watch a movie.
:)

picture tag

2009-02-09T21:29:00.004-05:00

So, I'm over at the McGregor Journey catching up on their New York life -- I love living vicariously -- when I get to the "Picture Tag" post. I am totally getting the "my-blog-is-suffering-because-of-Facebook" addiction, and I love the pic that Jo puts up for her tag: very cool. I keep scrolling down and found out that she tagged me! Why that little . . . :)

Apparently, you are supposed to go to your 4th picture folder and pick out the 4th picture and post it. You then tag 4 people. Hey, simple! I like that. (The ones where you are supposed to tag 25 of your closest friends -- wth??)

So, while my 4th pic in my 4th folder isn't as cool as Ash's mom's pic, I do think it is pretty darn adorable:

This is E home for 3.5 weeks. So, he would have been about 17 months at that time -- now he's 2.5! Oh my. Love my baby boy.

So, who shall I tag? How about:

Kevin and Stacie
Jill's Expedition
Mamushky's World Headquarters
Raising the Divine Miss M

Goin' to Guat -- Day 3

2009-01-31T08:35:00.004-05:00

Day 3 was picture day. Since we spent Day 2 shopping, I decided we needed to load up the camera with images. Above are just a few from that day. As someone who has never been good with cameras and picture-taking or managing to get everything back home, I was very happy to come home with what we did. (Classic picture history: Lost our camera coming home from our honeymoon in Hawaii. Yeah, that's right. No pics of our honeymoon. The other time was our trip to Nassau. Something bad happened to our memory card and wiped out all the pics on it. Fortunately, J had taken some on our old film camera. To say I was a bit paranoid about our digital memories surviving this trip is an understatement.)

J was not so thrilled with walking around all day, and he gave a big sigh and groan whenever I stopped to snap a pic. He survived, though.

The highlight of the day was finding the restaurant Cafe Sky. A casual place with rooftop dining, they served breakfast all day! We went for lunch and marveled at the view while eating our eggs and pancakes. Loved it so much we decided to go back for dinner that evening. Unfortunately, it was a little more crowded, and we ended up near a trio with potty mouths. Now tell me, does every effin' sentence have to be littered with effin' curse words?? Ugh! Anyway, this was one time when I really struggled with my Spanish with the server. We just weren't understanding each other.

The secondary highlight of the day was our trip to the jade factory near our hotel. I used to have a silver ring that I bought in Mexico, but I was constantly losing it, and then one day I lost it for good. Loved that ring. Figured that now would be a good time to replace it, so we went looking for a new ring for the mama. I found a pretty silver ring with a ball of dark green on top. Also found a pair of beautiful silver and jade earrings, and, strangely enough, a pound of Guatemalan coffee to take back to M. (Yes, I bought jewelry for myself and coffee for M.)

Eventually, we ended up back at the hotel for the evening. Found a fun kid movie on Nick and settled in for the night. We were pretty much packed and ready for our 9:00 a.m. departure the next day. The big question at that point was: Would it be fireworks or a party keeping me awake tonight?

Fireworks. :)

Goin' to Guat -- Day 2

2009-01-27T08:45:00.002-05:00

Friday, January 16, 2009

Day 2 in Antigua, Guatemala with J:

*Fantastic pancakes for breakfast!

*Headed out to explore. Note: Looking at a map, Antigua looks easy to figure out. Basic grid system of one-way streets. However, you soon learn how few streets are actually marked, so you have to learn landmarks instead.

*Found a bank and exchanged some money.

*Found an indoor market. Spent a lot of money on a lot of souvenirs. Had to carry a huge bag back to our hotel with a boy complaining that his feet hurt. Oh, and I had no idea where I was going. :)

*Rested a bit and then headed back out. Finally found Central Park -- easy to find, but we had originally headed in the wrong direction our first time out. Picked a restaurant for lunch where J chose to have a hamburger and fries. Unfortunately, his mama forgot to order it plain, so it came with ketchup and mayo on it. Yeah, that went over well. I couldn't believe we were sitting in GUATEMALA and he was refusing to eat. But eat he did.

*After lunch, got some frozen yogurt and went to hang out in Central Park. Great place to people watch, but also a place to get approached by those needing money. Pointed out the shoe shine boys to J -- shouldn't they be in school? We then had a woman and a baby want to sell us a necklace. Two school-aged girls who spoke English decided to tag on. They went away when two police officers showed up and just stood there. I bought a necklace from the woman -- having an adorable Guatemalan baby to feed was enough for me. It's a wonder I didn't just empty out my money bag. After she left, the police hung around for a bit, but as soon as they left here come the girls demanding that I buy from them. Honestly, they were mean, and I didn't care for their methods. I think it scared J. I ended up giving them a few dollars but not taking a necklace. Totally wrong way of doing things. After that we walked back to our hotel, and I took that moment to explain it all to J -- why those girls had to do what they were doing.

*Back at the hotel, I was smart: Took the time to go through souvenirs and recall prices for that trip back through Customs. We rested a bit, and then eventually headed out for dinner. Being a bit later and not really wanting to be out much after dark, we just went around the corner to the pizza and pasta place. How exotic, huh?

*The evening was topped off by two events. First, we got a knock on our door and told that our "friends" were out front waiting for us. Friends? Yeah, Juan Carlos. Um, no friends, sorry. Second, someone close by had a loud rockin' party including a trumpet. They danced the Macarena -- had to smile when I realized, hey, at least they probably know the words. So, not a lot of sleep that night.

And those were the highlights of day 2. Getting lost but finding our way. Using my Spanish somewhat successfully. Buying stuff. Interacting with those in need. Enjoying the beauty all around.

Day 3 right around the corner!
:)

Goin' to Guat -- Part 1

2009-01-20T08:06:00.005-05:00

Well, we did it. Short version: We went, we saw, we loved it. Fabulous trip.
Now, for those of you who might like a little more detail, here's the long version:

First, a little background. Parents of foreign born children know that more than likely they will travel back to their child's birth country. The hard part is figuring out the best time to do that and how that might go. We had always heard that middle school age is the best time to attempt such a trip, so we had always assumed that this is when we would go to Guatemala with him. However, after bringing home the youngers from Ethiopia, the need for J to connect with his heritage became great. Waiting until middle school got thrown out the window, and instead we realized it was time to take him at the age of 9. So, the planning began.

Because of S and E, we decided that this would be a short trip for J and his mama. I started researching and planning back in the summer and had tickets booked by fall. We would fly into Guatemala City, have a driver pick us up, and spend our time in the colonial city of Antigua. On the one hand, it wouldn't give him a clear picture of where he came from, but on the other hand it would be safe and at least give him a taste of it all.

So, very early on Thursday, January 15, 2009, we set out for the airport. Our flight left Columbus a little after 7:00 a.m. after being thoroughly de-iced. We landed in Atlanta, and I had hoped for the chance to get something to eat and go to the bathroom. Nope. We were running to our next gate and managed to get there with just a few minutes to spare. Our 3.5 hour flight to Guatemala City was highlighted with an in-flight movie, and our choice of a $7 sandwich or a $6 cheese plate. We stuck with our own snacks and free peanuts and cookies.

As we circled around GC preparing to land, we took in the scene out of our window. Incredibly beautiful mountains, volcanoes and lakes mixed with the not-so-beautiful cement and metal of the city. Looking closely, you could see the packed neighborhoods of little houses spreading out far and wide. As we taxied to our gate, I had to smile a bit at the sight of airport workers in short-sleeved shirts and not bundled up like those in Columbus. Good sign! We made our way off the plane, through immigration, and found our one checked bag. As we stood outside the airport waiting for our driver to bring his van around, I noticed something unusual for me. As we stood near a family of Guatemalans, my 5 feet 4.5 inches seemed quite tall. J was almost as tall as the adult men. Finally, our driver came around with his van and loaded us in. Off we went.

As we drove away from the airport, I found myself comparing Guatemala with Ethiopia. I was surprised at how nice everything seemed to be: Nicely paved streets with lines and traffic lights! New cars! Beautiful palm trees! Not as much smog and pollution! We laughed at seeing the American favorites -- Burger King, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut and, unfortunately, a Hooters. Gas appeared to be about $3.00 a gallon at the Shell station. Once I got used to seeing the typical sights, I started looking past them. This is when I started really seeing things as they actually are. No, I probably wouldn't want to walk most of these streets on my own. The poverty became more apparent as you looked down the side streets and looked more closely at the store fronts and the people out and about. We drove on, and I soon realized that we were driving through Mixco. J's birth place. We didn't see much of it, but we saw enough for me to imagine what life would be like for his mother. You know, they say that poverty alone is not sufficient reason for adoption, and I agree. But I also know that women in this country and in others often have many compelling reasons for giving up their babes. So, while I had a moment of wondering if J really needed to be taken from his home country, I also reminded myself that I had not walked in his mother's shoes and should not judge or feel guilty. I continued watching the sights as the van rolled on out of the city and toward Antigua. J fell asleep.

The drive to Antigua is beautiful. A well-paved road winds its way through some gorgeous country -- green, hilly, beautiful. Lots of stuff being sold off the road. Need some furniture? Paintings? Other decor? It took maybe 45 minutes to get to our destination. It became obvious that we were there when we saw the cobblestones and the old buildings. Our driver took us right to our hotel: Casa Concepcion. They call it a boutique hotel, but we would call it a bed and breakfast. Behind a high wall and thick wooden door, we were led to a beautiful house with lovely grounds. There were four regular rooms, each with its own bathroom, and there apparently is also an apartment available. We had a living room (with access to a laptop with internet!) that we could use, a dining room for our breakfast, and a patio for lounging. All I can say is that it was all simply beautiful. Decorated in a traditional fashion, everything seemed to be of high quality and done with style. Somebody hired a great decorator! J kept saying that he wanted to take it all back with us.

After winding down a bit, we decided to head out for some food -- we were both starving. We walked around the corner from the hotel and found a pizza and pasta place. So, our first night in Guatemala we had pepperoni pizza and 7-Up. Yeah, not the traditional black beans and tortillas, but I was ok with that. Soon we headed back to crash in our room. Great idea, but I soon learned not to expect quiet evenings -- noisy birds, sounds of cars on the cobblestones, and booming fireworks made sleeping a challenge.

Here's some pics of Casa Concepcion:

And that was day 1. Day 2 to be blogged when I have the chance.
:)

just need to say...

2009-01-13T08:35:00.003-05:00

1. If you don't have any kids, don't give me parenting advice. You have no clue. Seriously.

2. If you do have kids, but your kids have never experienced the loss and abandonment of my kids, then think twice before giving me parenting advice. You might think it is all the same for all kids, but you would be wrong.

3. If you do have kids, and they have experienced loss and abandonment, then by all means offer it up!

Just sayin' . . .

Next Week: Off to Guat

2009-01-09T08:18:00.003-05:00

Next Thursday, January 15, 2009, J and I leave for our trip to Guatemala. It is a trip that has been planned for a long time -- and planned in my head for even longer. Every parent who has a child born abroad knows that the day will come when that child will need to visit their birth country. While I was hoping that maybe J would be a little bit older before we went, now feels like the right time. So off we will go. Just the two of us.

On the one hand, it feels just like a regular vacation getaway. Jetting off to a warm place to escape the chill of central Ohio. Staying in a nice hotel. Shopping for tons of souvenirs. On the other hand, there is an underlying current of emotion. How will he react? Will he be shocked? Will he be proud? Will he freak out? Will he fall in love with his birth country or will it bring out hidden questions and anxieties?

I have no idea. This is why I planned a short trip. My guess is that he will have a mixture of all of those things. Seems better to give him a small taste and leave wanting more than to be there for two weeks with a child who might become an emotional wreck. I think even if we come home feeling like rainbows and butterflies that eventually all the other will bubble up. So the questions are: How will he react? Will the hard stuff come up immediately or later? Or both? Will this change his life?

I know it will change mine.

notes for the new year

2009-01-04T16:12:00.002-05:00

Hallelujah! December is over! Christmas is over! It's 2009! A normal routine returns! I openly admit to being a total scrooge, but can anyone really blame me? Every year the season starts earlier and earlier -- this year it was way before Halloween -- and by the time the actual day arrives, I am sick of it. Add to that the fact that M's work schedule gets totally turned upside down, and the stress of it all simply grows. Oh, and don't forget having kids with their schedules out of whack, all the shopping that needs to be done, the decorating to do and then take down, all the food that you can't resist and end up having to work off, and the damn holiday music that seems to play non-stop. (I got through this season without hearing "Hey, Santa" or "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer." One small blessing to be thankful for.)

So, yeah, I'm a scrooge. I long for it all to be different. For it to be simpler. Less commercialism, less money, less time. More family, more quiet time, more reflection, more happiness.

And while I'm being pissy, let me throw out one more thing: If you are going to decorate the outside of your house, do it tastefully and use some sense. For example, the cross is a Christian symbol, but it is not really a Christmas symbol. Remember, Christmas is about the BIRTH of Christ -- not his death. And if you are going to use religious decorations (like a nativity scene) can you do it without reindeer? I'm guessing they were not at the blessed birth. Finally, can you please take it all down before we observe the Resurrection? Yeah, I know you think that just because you don't turn on the lights that no one can tell you still have them up, but we can see them. And, yes, we make fun of you for it.

So now 2008 is finally over. It was a year that felt like a lot of work, but I think some good things came of it all. What will come with this new year? I have no idea. But I hope that starting it off with a trip to Guatemala with J will set the tone for great things. Leaving in a week and a half -- stayed tuned and I'll let you know how it goes!

Happy New Year!

The Right to Food

2008-12-25T10:56:00.002-05:00

I am so ashamed. . .

http://crooksandliars.com/cernig/right-food

Mr. Obama, please make this right.

a rant for my single friends

2008-12-23T21:53:00.005-05:00

Being 2 days before Christmas, I had planned on writing a holiday post -- basically one that tells you how I've turned into a big scrooge over the years. (Can it all just be over???) But, I was just over on cnn.com and found an interesting article that made me change my focus. Maybe I'll rant about Christmas tomorrow or another day.

Anyway, this article was about surrogacy. And single men.

Let me say that I have nothing against surrogacy. Just another path to parenthood, and I'm all for doing what works for you to get there. I'm not even against single men using surrogates. Good for them! This particular article profiled a single gay man who used a surrogate twice to produce his two daughters. Fabulous!

So what is my issue? Here's my issue. I have single friends who cannot adopt (or have to endure more difficulties with adopting) simply because they are single. We have all these kids out there needing homes, and we have states, countries and agencies declaring that singles need not apply. (Some do it just to avoid the possibility of gays adopting.) So why don't these singles consider using a surrogate like our friend in the cnn article?

Because it costs around 100 freakin' thousand dollars!!

So, here's the deal: If you are rich and have a hundred freakin' thousand dollars for a surrogate, no one will stop you. No one will protest. No one will put an initiative on the ballot for your fellow citizens to decide your fate. (Ok, this one they might, but we're dealing with the almighty dollar here.) No one will say boo. Just do it. But if you are a single man or woman, gay or straight -- but especially a man and gay -- good lord, we just don't know if we should trust you with the task of raising a child who needs a parent. Let's not even acknowledge the fact that singles of both genders and sexuality prove their ability to raise their biological children everyday.

The stupidity of it all drives mad.

Ok, rant over.

ho ho ho.

swirlies

2008-12-18T22:25:00.002-05:00

An interesting sort of situation.
What color do we call our kids?
Our oldest child is Latino. Latinos tend to be called brown, and he definitely has brown skin.
Our younger two children are African. In the U.S., those of African descent tend to be called black.
If you sit our three kids down together, they are very close in color with just a little variation in shade. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense to call one of them brown and the other two black.

And what about mom and dad?
Should we really be white? Snow is white. Paper is white. I'm a peachy-pink hue.

I had this conversation with an African-American co-worker/friend of mine. He's a very cool guy whose preference in women is Caucasian, so his former wives have fallen into this category, which makes his children biracial. As we talked about color, he told me that he has always called his kids "swirl kids" or "swirl babies." He said, "Yeah, I used to always say, 'come here you swirlies.'" We talked about the differences experienced by his kids growing up and his own life in the '60s, and how we really didn't like narrowing everyone down to two colors, black and white.

And isn't that really the problem? Trying to shove people into little boxes?
I am a lot of things. My children are a lot of things. Seems unfair to define us with just a word or two.

Talking about color can be hard. It can be really hard talking about it with someone who's shade is different from your own, but it can be done and it should be done. My hope is that by doing so we move away from black and white to shades of browns and peaches. Lofty goal, I'm sure.

try this again

2008-12-15T11:08:00.003-05:00

comments?

A HA! Apparently it is only turning back on for new posts. Went back and turned on a few of the more recent ones. I will figure out blogging one of these days!

:)

comments ON! (UPDATED)

2008-12-15T07:18:00.003-05:00

Update: Ok, maybe not. Not working for some reason. Let me see what I can do.

I have had a request to turn the comments back on.
Here ya go, CCK!
Comment away, ya'll.

:)

bite-sized mumbles

2008-12-14T12:29:00.003-05:00

Tidbits for your enjoyment:

* E needs a haircut -- getting quite the mini 'fro going.

* S and J performed marvelously in the Christmas program this morning. (Ok, marvelously if you don't count S yawning in the middle of it.) Should we have raised a stink about our Hispanic son being cast as the only "servant"? Nah. It had more lines than the flock watchers and was way better than being in the chorus. :)

* Some women become "football widows" during football season. I, on the other hand, become a holiday widow during holiday season. But, hey, I guess I can't really complain this year -- he was actually home for my birthday! Yeah, it's been awhile. Gotta love having a December b-day.

* On the same note, M is working crazy hours making those fab brownies, truffles, biscotti and cheesecake. For all his effort, he gets to curl up to a bag of flour and sleep in a store room.

* I, on the other hand, get to snuggle into those to-die-for fleece sheets. Love me some fleece sheets! Seriously, makes you want to sleep naked if you don't already. (In case you are wondering, having a 2-year-old can hinder naked sleeping.)

* Two months and one day until Guatemala!! Very excited. Lots to do.

* Had a wonderful time in St. Louis for Thanksgiving. Made sure to have my Rigazzi's, Imo's and Drew's. The elixirs of life. Also spent time drooling over the new ballpark. It is beeyootiful!

* And, finally, make sure you get into the Christmas spirit by watching Ralphie as many times as you can. Not a finga!!

:)

choosing who you are

2008-12-12T07:55:00.004-05:00

Ok, I'm just going to say this: The arguments against gay marriage drive me nuts. What a load of crapola. One of the components that often goes into the arguments is the idea of "choice." You know, people choose to be gay. Black people don't choose to be black, so we should be tolerant and not discriminate. For gays and lesbians, it's ok because they choose it. More crapola.

Well, here comes this wonderful article. Basically, it posits the question, so what if people could choose? By saying black people don't choose to be black, we are implying that they would rather be white. Yeah, maybe not so much. Science says that gays do not choose to be gay, but so what if they do? Do we all have to be straight white people, whether by choice or not?

Let's just all find a way to love who we are and let others be who they are. And those of us in the majority, how about we stop trying to take away rights from those in the minority. Ok?

http://ta-nehisicoates.theatlantic.com/archives/2008/12/what_if_it_is_a_lifestyle.php

"Implicit in that logic is a kind of judgment, the notion that if I could choose, I obviously would choose to be white. But what if I just like being black? What if I could choose and would still choose black? Ditto for homosexuality. So what if you do choose to be gay? I understand that a lot of the science says you don't, but why do we accept this implicit idea that heterosexuality is, necessarily, what everyone would chose?

I'm not trying to minimize the bias and trauma that must come from being out, but a basic extension of humanity, a belief that those who aren't like me actually are like me, says that to be gay has to be more than coping with living beneath the boot of the ignorant. It's always about more than getting your ass kicked, no? What if you actually love the "more than?" What if it is who you are and what you choose?"

officially official

2008-12-06T09:10:00.003-05:00

For those of you not on Facebook and, therefore, didn't see this:

We are readopted!! Woohoo!
How cool are we?

this is beautiful

2008-12-04T08:19:00.003-05:00

As a mom, I have seen the movie Shrek a million times. Great movie. It also has some great music. Here's one that is beautifully done. Take a moment to watch, listen, and enjoy.

Hallelujah.

Love it.

a year?!?

2008-11-21T13:34:00.004-05:00

The plan was to do a post on Wednesday the 19th, our official Gotcha Day, but that obviously didn't happen since it is now Friday the 21st. I am apparently falling down on the mama job.

So what did we do on Wednesday? Well, we actually treated it like a normal day, and towards the end of it, we got in some serious giggle and marvel time. As we laughed and played in the family room with S and E, we often stared in amazement at how much they have both changed in the last year. The two children we held for the first time a year ago almost seem nothing like the two children we have now. While S maintains a lot of her "I can do it" independence, she also relishes having two parents to cling to. E is now her little brother to lord over instead of one she must care for. Instead of doing what she is sure is expected of her, she is taking chances, developing an opinion, and relaxing into her true personality. And speaking of personality, holy cow did one burst out of E! The little boy who once would not let me hold him is now a complete mama's boy who loves to sing. While he displays two-ness with great flair, he can also melt your heart with his beautiful smile and big loving eyes. He hangs back less and less and instead will jump right in with the big kids. He loves to smother his mama with kisses and impress her with long sentences that she can't understand.

And while all of this blows my mind from time to time, there is something else that wows me even more: How we have adjusted to this huge shift in family to something resembling normalcy. Even J, the one who seemed to be hit hardest by this change, has evolved into your typical big brother, and he is fantastic in this role.

For awhile after we came home from Ethiopia, I often counted time -- how long we had been home, and how long we had to go to get to a certain milestone. Strangely, our year anniversary sort of came up on me almost out of the blue. Hard to believe it has been a year, and it is also hard to believe it has only been a year. Weird, that.

Happy Gotcha Day, everybody!
:)

and so it begins. . .

2008-11-18T10:58:00.002-05:00

A year ago today we landed in Ethiopia, and our lives changed forever. A year ago today we saw our new children for the first time -- granted, they were sleeping and didn't know we were even there, but we still saw them.

I cannot believe a year has passed.
We have been through so much, and our lives today look vastly different from that of a year ago.

So, bear with me as I take a trip down memory lane, a path that is cluttered with a multitude of emotions. Joy. Sadness. Fulfillment. Frustration. Worry. Amazement. Love. And so much more.

Everyday I live with the things I saw there. The beautiful people. The ugly poverty. The children. My children.

My children with new clothes, eating plenty of food, and getting ready to come to America, while others stay behind to beg in the streets and fight off illnesses that they may never see a doctor for or ever recover from.

My children coming to a place where they will be driven to school and have every opportunity for a good education. Others staying behind with only the possibility of school and having to walk for miles and miles for maybe a half a day's studies.

My children leaving behind their families, friends, country, culture, language because they may not survive otherwise. Others retaining all that is dear, but for how long?

Can a heart truly hold this much, especially when the emotions are so contrasting? How can it hold so much happiness while drowning in so much grief at the same time?

Tomorrow is Gotcha Day.

no more no!

2008-11-11T08:43:00.002-05:00

Being 2 is hard. Being the mama to a 2-year-old is really hard.

It's really hard when your brother and sister are older than you, and you want to do everything they are doing, but you can't because you are only 2.

It's really hard when you are trying to do everything yourself, but doing everything yourself isn't so easy. For example, it is hard to wash your own hands when you can't turn on the water -- even when standing on a stool. In such a case, throwing a fit is still required no matter how much logic mom has on her side.

It's really hard when you want to be like a big kid, but you still want to cling to your mama. Separation sucks.

And. . .

It's really hard to be the mom when your 2-year-old has become the master of the word "no."

It does not seem to matter what I ask or how I ask it, the response is the same. Even if I then offer the exact opposite, he will answer in the negative. I think I am going crazy.

But, a couple of things keep me on this side of sanity. One, I know how hard 2 is and that 3 is often harder. Two, I know how quickly this age disappears, and before you know it they are back-talking school-agers.

And, hey, he's potty trained. Can I really complain? Sure, I can. I'll just try to keep it to a dull roar and only pull out hair I don't need. Like the gray ones.

:)

blog update

2008-11-10T09:02:00.003-05:00

Finally added back in some links to my favorite places. I lost them when I changed layouts, and it has taken forever for me to get them back on. If I am missing yours or if you would like your blog added, please shoot me an email with the address and I'll be happy to add it. (Unless I don't like you. Just kidding! No, really. It's my blog. Ok. Just kidding. Sort of.)

You may notice that the list is comprised of more than just adoption blogs.

Also, I've taken comments off. People seem to prefer to either email or call me, so I turned it off. Feel free to email or whatever.

Happy Monday!
:)

my perspective

2008-11-07T13:49:00.002-05:00

I think I am finally ready to write about what has happened. The kids are napping, I'm home on a Friday, and I now have the time to pour out my thoughts.

I knew how much having him win meant to me, but I hadn't really thought about the incredible impact it was going to have on so many others -- both in this country and around the world. When I see famous African American celebrities and political figures (on both sides of the aisle) weep at what has finally occurred, it hits home. When I look at my children and realize that they will never know what it is like to only have old white men as president, I want to weep myself. When I listen to NPR broadcast from a remote village in Kenya where all the people are sitting around one tv and listening to Barack Obama send a message to those in the far corners of the world, my heart wants to burst for them. I've been to one of those far African corners and know of the hope that they cling to. Obama has just given them more.

There are many haters in our country and the world. Many who openly admit to racism and who casually use the n-word. There was a time when they were in a clear majority. But no longer. Content of character now seems to finally rank above the color of one's skin. We went for many years just giving lip service to equality, but this past Tuesday we were given the opportunity to put our vote where our mouths are. For many, it is scary to take a chance, knowing that we would forever leave our old world behind for a brand new one. But we did it. Yes we did. And I know that this new world is really for my children, grandchildren and beyond and not as much for me. That's why it was so important to take them to the rally. They may not remember it, but they will be able to say they were there.

Now, let's say Barack Obama wasn't biracial. Let's say he didn't have brown skin or a funny name. Let's say he was like all presidents who have come before him. He would still be the one we need in this time, in this place. We need his leadership, we need his intelligence, we need his work ethic, we need his ability to inspire. The fact that he is not white and has ushered in a new era in American history is an added bonus. A big one. And we are fortunate enough to say it happened in our lifetime.

Hallelujah.

rosa, martin, barack, and our children

2008-11-06T19:41:00.003-05:00

ROSA SAT SO MARTIN COULD WALK.

MARTIN WALKED SO BARACK COULD RUN.

BARACK RAN SO OUR CHILDREN CAN FLY.

What a wonderful country we live in.
I am so proud.

waiting waiting waiting

2008-11-04T13:37:00.005-05:00

Not sure what to do with myself right now. Little boy has the oogies but seems to be on the mend, I work until 8:00 tonight, J doesn't have school today, and there won't be any news on the election until later. Oh, there are all kinds of things I could (and should) be doing, but who wants to do any of that stuff??

So, here for your viewing pleasure are some of the pics we took from the Obama rally in Columbus on Sunday. As you can imagine, our diverse family blended in marvelously!

Here's a pic of Barack:

Quite the crowd!

Look our for snipers!Awww! How cute is he??

J in the stroller??? S being a goofball?? Yeah, those are my kids.
Daddy and daughter. It's a beautiful day. Don't let it get away.
:)

check out Margaret and Helen!

2008-11-01T13:37:00.002-04:00

h/t to Dr. Tag for one of my new favorite blogs.

http://margaretandhelen.wordpress.com/

Liberal old women who speak their minds -- role models for us all.

:)

how to deal with stolen yard signs

2008-10-28T21:38:00.002-04:00

For some reason, only the Obama signs disappear in our neighborhood. Many have resorted to displaying them from inside their homes.

Here's another option.

Love it!

enjoying the show

2008-10-26T16:08:00.003-04:00

A few weeks ago, I gathered with several friends to mark the passing of 15 years since graduating from Heidelberg College. Thinking that the kids wouldn't have a whole lot of fun, I left them home with dad and instead spent the day "alone" with my fellow Berg alum. While I had a great time and loved seeing the campus again (my, how it has changed!), there was one aspect to the trip that was a nice little surprise.

In attendance was a couple we hadn't seen for many years -- Chris and Jen. They came with their 4 kids -- older daughter and 3-year-old triplets. Oh My Goodness! You see, because of the nature of our family, we are fairly used to feeling on display sometimes. Whether it is people smiling with delight or scrunching their faces up in confusion, we get stared at. Even by those who know us. You get used to it and just ignore it. Well, except when conversations start -- that's a whole 'nother part of it all. So, on this day, it was a nice little treat to sit back and watch another family go through the spotlight routine. (Yes, I will admit that I was among those fascinated by their story, but I am proud to report that I kept far away from those pesky personal questions people like so much.) When people asked me if I had kids, I was able to say, "Yep, 3," and pretty much stop there. Didn't get into one adoption conversation.

Instead, I marveled as Jen told their story of (obviously) successful IVF and how the two implanted eggs turned into 3 kids -- yep, that's right, one of those eggs split into twins. She showed a picture of herself at almost full-term pregnancy. Oh my good lord in heaven, a human body is NOT meant to do that! Ok, I guess since it did, then it is meant to, but it sure did not look like it should. How she even stood up for this picture I will never know.

Although I do enjoy talking to others about our journey and our beautiful children, it really wasn't until that day that I realized how often we are in that position. I really don't mind -- especially when good comes from it. I guess I just hadn't realized how much work it can be until I was able to sit back and watch it. For totally different reasons, Chris and Jen go through it all the time, too. (I also realized that I think I prefer our reason over theirs. Zowee! I made sure to tell J all about it -- oh, he could have had it much worse!) I thank them for showing up with their whole family and taking the stage. It was nice to be in the audience for a the day. :)

Go Berg!!

one of these people is not like the others. . .

2008-10-24T12:32:00.003-04:00

As I spend my days beholding my beautiful brown-skinned children, I often forget my own paleness. Sure, ya see it and ya know it, but it is very easy to become unaware of just how lacking in pigment you really are. Until. Until you look at those pics of you and the kids. Until you are standing with one of them and looking in a mirror. Until you have your big parent hand wrapped around or entwined with their little child one. Until you look at other children and think they look damn pasty white and could use a little color.

It's like your eyes become accustomed to what they see, and you forget that not all share the same characteristic. Even yourself.

Which makes me wonder.

Is it happening in reverse? Are my children looking at their parents' pale faces and internalizing that shade as their own? Do they get surprised sometimes when they look in the mirror, too? Or, is it different for them because there is more brown in the house than white?

I think I got my first clue about this when I was standing at the bathroom sink with S, and she declared that her nose was becoming white like mommy's. I'm not sure what she was seeing to make her think that -- maybe the light was making her nose a little brighter and, therefore, look a little lighter, but to my eyes her nose was still the same color.

J, on the other hand, seems to have always been aware of his brownness. Maybe because he was the only one for so long. I can't wait until we go to Guatemala, and I'm the one who sticks out while he blends in. (Should be quite humorous, actually, since I speak more Spanish than he does.)

So this is one of our challenges. Letting color lines blur while still maintaining identity. (Easy as pie, right?) On PBS, they have a kids' psa about color, and they talk about how it is everything and it is nothing. I think that boils down this complex topic to the absolute bare bones truth.

Color is everything and it is nothing.

Finally!

2008-10-20T17:00:00.002-04:00

Got down to our Probate Court today and filed the necessary paperwork to readopt the kids. WooooHoooooo!!!!!!!

For those who haven't been crazy enough to go through this process, if your child enters the country on an IR-3 visa, you don't need to go through the readoption process, but most will still go through the hoops for changing a name and getting a birth certificate. If your child enters on an IR-4 visa (like most Ethiopian children do), then you must readopt in your state. County probate courts set the rules for doing this, and some are easy and some are a pain in the patooty. Even though it has taken me the better part of a year to get this done, I have discovered that our county is pretty easy. (It would be nice if they would put all of the forms online like they do for everything else that they handle, but that would just make sense.) Mainly, it has just been a pain to have to park downtown, get the papers, get them filled out, and then find the time to get back downtown during their hours to get them filed.

I finally did that today, and got a date for our hearing: December 5th. Wish us luck!

Oh, and I voted today.
:)

so many captions, so little time. . .

2008-10-17T13:40:00.003-04:00

This pic makes me laugh every time I see it. OMG!
Can't imagine why the Grampy McSame campaign is tanking.

oh my goodness! I have a 9-year-old!!

2008-10-16T08:48:00.002-04:00

This morning I watched my big boy walking off to catch the school bus on the corner, and I marvel at how he has grown. From a stocky baby to a tall lean third grader, he is proof of how fast time goes. He is 9 years old, smart, funny, and full of non-stoppable boy energy and boy humor. Fart joke, anyone? How many ways can we use different forms of "butt" in a sentence? Have an urgent question regarding caterpillars, turtles, or reptiles? J's your kid. How about a challenging game of soccer? And I dare you to try to build anything as cool as J can build with his Legos -- seriously. Of course, if you are needing a more serious discussion, say on the evolutions of Pokemon characters, like Turtwig, then call up our oldest child.

But while we celebrate the nine years of life we have enjoyed with our son, there is a woman in Guatemala who may be struggling with her loss. Every year on this date, I wake up and think of two things: My precious son and his first mom. As I give him his good-morning birthday hug and kiss, I wonder what she is doing, thinking and feeling. While we spend the day celebrating J's big day, I also spend the day thinking about her -- this woman that I have never met but who gave the greatest gift a person can give. I hold him tight, not just for me, but also for her, as if I can magically and telepathically send the warm embrace to her. As I kiss him all over his face and tell him how much I love him, I think of the love she is sending to him.

I could go on forever about my sweet, beautiful boy, but I'll keep some of it to myself.

feliz cumpleanos, mi hijo.

hypocritical much?

2008-10-13T09:45:00.003-04:00

As life starts getting ugly. . .

There is this man.
Brownish skin.
Different name.
I've heard things about him: Not Christian, Middle-Eastern, pals around with "bad" people. Crowds of people love to gather to hear him speak, and that can't be a good thing.
Different crowds of people gather to stop him. To even call for his death.

I've also heard that he's got this thing about hope and peace and working together.

Who am I talking about and who am I talking to? I am talking about Jesus, and I am talking to those who pray to him without attempting to live like him.

Before you yell, "Off with his head!" and "Terrorist!" and incite a mob mentality that may lead to irreversible violence, maybe you should ask that famous question: What would Jesus do? Or better yet, What was done to Jesus and should I do the same to a fellow human being? To a fellow Christian? To a fellow American?

I'm sick of the hatred.

cellular elimination

2008-10-10T14:39:00.003-04:00

Just need to vent a little here. . .

We've all heard of cell phone etiquette, right? Most of it is just basic common sense, and I think most people try to follow the social rules we have established. But, in addition to that, I think we have also stretched those rules a bit and have become more accepting of the way people use their phones. You know, no one really freaks anymore when someone's blackberry starts chiming in the library. Go ahead, talk it up.

But there is one practice I am having a really hard time with. Let me set the scene:

I am at work in a very nice professional building that houses not only the branch of the university I work for but also other businesses and firms. As I walk toward the restroom (ya know where I'm going with this now, right?), I am following a woman from one of those other offices. She is talking on her cell phone.

At first, I thought nothing of it. I don't know what I assumed -- she'd get off the phone? was just going to fix her hair? No. She walks right into a stall and closes the door. As I went into a stall myself, I just stood there in a moment of shock and disgust. Yes, the woman went on to take a pee while talking on her phone, flush the very loud public toilet, and then walk out to barely wash her hands.

Now, I know there is only so much privacy in a public potty, but come on!! Does pissing in the presence of complete strangers have to extend to those they are speaking with on the phone???

Am I just a prude? Out of touch with today's acceptable behavior? Where does Miss Manners stand on this? Sorry, it just makes me go ewwww.

it's mr. mumblerrr's birthday!!

2008-10-09T08:12:00.002-04:00

Stick a sombrero on his head, clap loudly, and sing a made-up version of "Happy Birthday" while a bunch of strangers sit in relief that it is not them.

No, we will not do this to him. Probably not.

M had a milestone birthday last year, so we'll call this one a milestone plus one year and two kids more. (Last year we knew about them but didn't have them yet.)

As he continues in his role of fabulous husband, extraordinary dad, and amazing chef for Sugardaddy's, let's share the top ten fun facts about our birthday boy that you may or may not know. Ready? Here we go!

10. He once served lunch to Alan Alda.
09. His college nickname was Harpo.
08. He beat Bobby Flay in a throwdown.
07. His nose is slightly crooked. (Can't remember if that is the fault of a brother or lacrosse.)
06. His math skills are wicked in the kitchen.
07. He makes beautiful wedding cakes but don't ask him to unless you are related to him.
06. He is a liberal and not afraid to share that.
05. He is a fan of Jane Austin literature.
04. He knows the Harry Potter series inside and out.
03. He loves the St. Louis Cardinals, Kentucky basketball, and has become quite the Buckeye. :)
02. He often survives on very little sleep.
01. His is greatly loved and loves greatly.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY HONEY!!
Olive Juice! I love you forever and ever, amen.
:)

merry christmas

2008-10-04T18:05:00.002-04:00

You know it's Christmas time right? Really. It is. Yes, I know that you haven't picked out your Halloween costume or even bought the candy you plan to pass out. Oh, I am aware that you haven't had your turkey, cranberries and pumpkin pie. So what? Just go walk through your neighborhood big box and see for yourself.

Apparently our economy is so tanked that they can't even wait a few more weeks until we are at least almost done with Halloween like they normally do. No, instead you have to go down one aisle with witches, skeletons, and jack-o-lanterns, and then turn the corner to see santa, sleigh bells, and fake snow. Oh, this helps me remember the reason for the season, as they say. Let me tell you, trying to explain these upcoming holidays to S is hard enough without having them blasted to us all at once. She's already confusing them.

And along these lines can someone explain to me why it is so wrong to wish another person Happy Holidays?? I mean, gee whiz, we've got at least 3 major ones going on at the same time, and that's not even including other religions and minor federal holidays. Whatshisname on the radio declares every year that there is a war on Christmas. Maybe he needs to thank his president's failed economic policies for that. Just a thought.

So, if you are one of those super multi-tasking type of people who needs to do as much as possible in order to feel productive (and I will admit to this occasionally), then this holiday season is for you! Before you know it, we'll celebrate the new year in November!

Happy Hallothanksmas.

early early early!

2008-10-02T08:36:00.003-04:00

Those of us in Ohio have this wonderful thing called "early voting." If you live in Ohio, take advantage of it!!

It is so cool. Now through Oct 6, people can actually register and vote the SAME DAY. After that, they still have early voting available for those who are already registered. In Columbus, we can go downtown to Vets Memorial during the week OR EVEN ON SATURDAYS AND SUNDAYS until election day and VOTE! How fabulous is that?? Oh, we also have the option to vote by mail.

Now, I know that Ohio has screwed up a lot in the past (thank you Ken Blackwell), and they may continue their ways this year, but this is one change I am so thrilled about.

I am sure I don't have to tell all of you patriotic Americans to make sure you are registered by your state's deadline, and then you actually need to go and vote, but just in case, check out these pretty people convincing young people to do that:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olpCyDA4kYA

Or, if you have already registered, and you no longer fall into the 18 to 25 category, just enjoy watching the pretty people.

Oh, and in case you are undecided, I'll give you my "mom in middle America" opinion: OBAMA.

OBAMAOBAMAOBAMAOBAMAOBAMAOBAMAOBAMAOBAMAOBAMAOBAMAOBAMA

:)

when it's time to change. . .

2008-10-01T08:33:00.002-04:00

I've been thinking that it is time to make some changes to Mumblerrr! Now seems like a good time. New season, new month. But I thought I should give you some warning as to what is coming.

First, cosmetics. I'm in search of a new layout and learning how to change it. I am no techie -- usually fumbling my way through something until I figure it out. So, one day, you will just be surprised. (The best kind of prize is a Surprise!)

Second, content. While I will still occasionally share kid stories (like E singing a U2 song right now. Gotta raise 'em right!) I am going to shift the focus from inside our home to the greater world. I want to look at what is happening out there right now and give our perspective on it. The view from our multicultural/multinational/multiracial home might be somewhat different from others. Or, it might be very much the same. Good to do a little comparison/contrast, don't ya think?

So, in addition to adoption stuff and family stuff, there is going to be more social commentary. I'm going to leave it nice and broad -- hey, it's my blog. I can write about whatever I want, right? I am hoping it will spur me to write more often and more passionately.

Stay tuned!

it's monday

2008-09-22T08:25:00.002-04:00

Can this week be normal? Please? Boring, even?

Last week's double punch of hurricane (Ike) and hernia (M's) made for quite the abnormal week. Since when does Ohio have hurricanes?? We lost power, some shingles, and the tarp off of our gazebo. Then, had to get up the next day and take my hubby for surgery. Yep. Looking for a boring stretch of days here.

And. . .

Big shout out to the mostest wonderfullest Auntie Jill!! My superdeeduper seester-in-law drove through hurricane winds to be at our house and help out with the kids and the cooking while I spent the day at the hospital with M and his "hyena" -- yes, it has a pet name. Jill actually took my 3 kids and her baby daughter out to the grocery store and to lunch BY HERSELF! I'm still impressed by that. A huge debt of gratitude is now waiting for her to cash in. :)

And. . .

Big hugs to Aunt Jen. Her 88-year-old grandfather passed away recently. Sounds like he had a fabulous life surrounded by love and will be missed by many, many people.

Hope everyone has a boring, uneventful week.
:)

oh my lord, this did NOT happen to me!!

2008-09-12T13:36:00.003-04:00

As a pinky-peach mom to beautiful brown children, I have become accustomed to intrusive, nosy, none-ya-bidness questions from all kinds of people. I am not a newbie at this. We have been a transracial family for 8 years now with J, and we became even more multicultural with the addition of S and E last November. Sometimes I handle the personal inquiries well and sometimes not so much. However, today I had an encounter that goes above and beyond anything I have EVER experienced. And not only did this all come from ONE person, but that person was a complete and total stranger!

So here's the deal. I take S and E to the library and then head over to my least favorite big box store to pick up a couple of things -- S is completely out of leave-in conditioner (eek!) and I needed some more hair goo myself. Normally, I head down the road to a different big box store that I find more preferable, but they didn't have my goo the other night, so I had to go to the icky store.

I am in the hair care aisle with S and E sitting in the cart. A woman rounds the corner, looks at the kids and has a very curious look on her face. It was kind of like she had tasted something bad but she couldn't quite decide what it was that she had tasted or why it tasted bad. I just stared at her. Her expression softened and she smiled at the kids and struck up a conversation with me. Oh, keep in mind that this is an African American woman. Here is what she threw at me:

Are these your kids?
Oh, I could tell you didn't give birth to them, but I wasn't sure if they were yours.
Why did you go there and not get kids here? There are so many here that need help.
She's so pretty! When she gets a little older you can give her a perm. (This is said as she is TOUCHING my daughter's hair. Explains that giving her a perm will make it look like hers -- straight.)
Why didn't you have any of your own? Did you have trouble getting pregnant?
So why didn't you adopt from here?
Are you Christian?
Are they brother and sister?
Where are their parents?
Why didn't you adopt from here?

I managed to turn it around on her after she mentioned having one son and 2 grandchildren and got the conversation away from my kids and our situation. She talked about how hard it is to raise kids these days -- and it doesn't matter if you are black or white. She has white friends! (I thought, omg! They use that too!) And then she blurts out, "I wish I had adopted him because then I could give him away!"

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Talk about shock and awe! Why didn't we send this woman to Iraq? I was dumbfounded. I did manage to say, "That's a personal question," and "Have YOU adopted domestically?" (Yes, she was really hung up on that one.) She seemed to think that because she was a nurse that this was a good enough reason to interrogate me in front of the shampoo and hair gel. Wow.

This woman -- again, a complete stranger -- fired every nosy question and assumption at me that they tell you about in the transracial adoption education they make you complete. I think she assaulted me with more in one shot than I have experienced in the last 8 years. AND SHE DID IT IN FRONT OF THE KIDS!!!!!!

I will tell you that I didn't do nearly as well as I should have. In fact, I feel like I totally blew it. I have always tried to prepare myself for those occasional invasions of privacy, but never in my wildest dreams did I expect to meet Nurse Nosy while shopping for my hair goo. Oh. My. Dear. God.

So, for those of you who have been home a short time or perhaps are still waiting for your beautiful children, learn from my amazing experience. Yeah, ready yourself for those occasional rude, personal questions, but don't forget that ALL of it may happen in one shot with one complete stranger, and it will figuratively and totally knock you on your ass.

Wow.

Goin' to Guat

2008-09-09T08:14:00.002-04:00

It's official -- plane tickets have been bought, contacts have been made, research has been done. I'm taking J to Guatemala!

Soon after S and E came home, it became clear that J needed to make a connection with his birth country. Rather than take our whole family of 5 down for the adventure, we decided that it would just be the two of us on a short jaunt. I'm calling it a "starter" trip -- 4 days. I want to give him a taste of Guatemala, give myself a better understanding of traveling there, and get ideas for the future. Also, it is hard to say how he is going to handle this emotionally, and I really don't want to be stuck there for a week if he has a hard time. Not to mention, I'm leaving dad at home with the other two kiddos!

So, we will fly from here to Atlanta to Guatemala City. We will then be picked up and taken to Antigua where we will spend most of our time. Might take a day trip to some place like Chichicastenengo, but I think we will make those decisions on the fly. There's a lot more I would love to do, but they are not for this trip. Not only will this trip be short, but I also want it to be slow -- give him time to drink it in. Hopefully, it will all go so well that we will plan a longer family trip for the future. Yeehaw!!

Very excited and lots to do! Only 4 months to go! woooohooooo!!
hasta luego!
:)

should YOU adopt a child?

2008-09-05T09:04:00.002-04:00

As an adoptive parent, I often run across people who say something like, "I've always wanted to adopt." Or, "I've thought about doing that." Or, "Do you mind if I ask you questions about that? It's something I'm interested in doing myself."

And then there are those who have never considered it.

First of all, let me say that a very wide variety of people adopt. Young couples with no kids. Older parents with empty nests. Families with homegrown kids who want more children. Singles. Gay and lesbian couples -- if their states allow it. So no matter your situation, there have probably been others in the same situation who have gone before you.

So answer these questions:

1. Do you want to expand your family? Why?
2. Do you WANT a child or another child? Why?
3. Are you ready and able to learn about a whole new world and deal with the issues that come with it?
4. How do you feel about adoption? How does your extended family feel about it? Are you ready to handle criticism that could come?
5. How hung up are you on dna and "having a child of your own" to pass down your fabulous, flawless genes?
6. Does this apply to you?: "I just don't think I could love a child that isn't my own."
7. How do you feel about having a child that obviously doesn't look like you?
8. If you can't get pregnant, have you taken the time to grieve that and get past it? Are you willing and able to let it go? Will you see adoption as second-best?

If you think adoption is right for you, the next thing you need to do is research. Adoption is often compared to a roller coaster -- and for good reason. It has more ups and downs than the Beast, and it can throw you for a loop faster than Top Speed Dragster. Look at both domestic and international options and decide which fits you best. We were able to decide pretty quickly that we could handle the rigors of international, so that is the path we have pursued. But there are still choices to make after choosing between the domestic or international routes -- countries, states, agencies, etc., etc. There are a TON of websites and blogs to plow through for some self-study, not to mention lots of Yahoo groups and forums. Get out there and ask questions. Educate yourself.

And one last thing. If you are thinking about adopting so that you can "save" a child, don't. A child does not need to grow up feeling like a charity case to be pitied. He or she needs to grow up as a full-fledged son or daughter -- not your church project, not to help you look good in the eyes of God, not to convert them, and not solely to get them out of an impoverished situation. As I have said before, no one has the right to call my children "lucky." They have lost birth families, cultures, languages, countries, and personal histories. If I had lost all of that, I don't know that I would consider myself fortunate. Only they can decide if what they have gained outweighs what they have lost and declare themselves lucky or not. So, if saving a child is your motivation for adoption, please think again.

Ok, one more last thing. I'm sure this doesn't need to be said, but I will anyway. If you are, indeed, one of those people with a "pass down my genes" complex, then no, adoption is not for you. Just in case you were still wondering. ha.

Obviously I am a big advocate of building families through adoption and finding homes for children. However, that doesn't mean that I want everyone to do it. Quite honestly, some people would suck at it. But, for anyone out there that has been feeling that nudge, consider this permission to explore it -- there are kids out there who would love to call you mom and dad.

time

2008-09-02T08:35:00.003-04:00

Spring/Summer 2005: Decided it was time to expand family and adopt again. But from where? Our agency no longer had a Guatemala program. We considered Colombia, but our wait would be almost 2 years and our ages would qualify us for a toddler. We're we ready for that? (Yeah, all that makes me laugh now.) China's wait was 6 months, and more than likely we would receive an infant girl. We decided to go with China. Sent in our application to our agency in August 05.

Fall 2005: Learned that the wait time in China was getting longer.

February 9, 2006: Our official Log In Date (LID) with China. By this time the wait had stretched out to a year.

Summer 2006: The China program continues to slow down. All kinds of reasons are given, and everyone continues to have hope of a speed up. Surely once this or that happens everything will return to normal, right?

Christmas 2006: Still no baby.

February 2007: Feeling hopeful. Logged in for a year. Surely, it couldn't be much longer? Surely we would see our child in 07, wouldn't we?

April 2007: Hope has all but evaporated. China has a massive slow down. We need to redo our immigration paperwork before it expires. Our agency becomes licensed in Ethiopia. Decision time. After careful consideration of a number of factors -- not just wait time -- we decide we need to switch programs.

Our agency is very careful and makes sure we understand all the implications. I still remember one employee telling me, "You know you will get your China referral before you would get one from Ethiopia, right?" I was very good and didn't laugh in her face, but it was a close one.

July 2007: Sent in our completed dossier for Ethiopia to our agency requesting 1 to 2 children of either gender, 0-36 months old.

August 2007: Agency sends dossier to Ethiopia.

September 10, 2007: Receive referral for 3 yo girl and 14 mo boy.

November 2007: Travel to Ethiopia to bring home our children.

Fast forward

September 2008: Rumor has it that LID 2/9/06 is the cut-off date for the next batch of referrals from China. One whole year later we would have received our referral for a Chinese baby. One whole year. Over 3 years from the time we originally started the whole damn process. I can't imagine what kind of mental case I would have been by now. And, while it would have been wonderful to receive a referral for a beautiful, sweet Chinese baby girl, I cannot even imagine not having S and E. I cannot make my mind fathom their lives growing up in Ethiopia. I cannot imagine having only 2 children instead of 3. And going through infancy again? Btdt.

International adoption is not easy. It requires the ability to roll with the changes and to make hard decisions. Faith and courage are necessities. I thank God everyday for my 3 children and the mysterious ways in which they came to us. I have no doubt that they are meant to be ours and we are meant to be theirs.

So now I can say:
Hallelujah! to all those February 06 families who are about to FINALLY receive news about their children in China. It has been a long hard road that will soon end with a long flight. Blessings to all of you! And blessings to all of those children who are about to have families. It's all good.
:)

potty like it's 1999

2008-08-26T09:21:00.003-04:00

pee pee on the potty!
pee pee on the potty!
pee pee pee p-pee pee pee!

Everybody sing!

Doesn't every house have a peeing on the potty song?

So, we've been doing the whole pull-up thing with E for several months now. He has no fear of the potty, knows exactly what it is for, and is willing to use it for that purpose. #1? No problem! #2? No problem! Telling us when? Problem.

We had many successful days of dry pull-ups and even dry diapers in the morning. We also had many soakin' wet days. People often say that pull-ups are bad for the potty training process because it still functions like a diaper for the child and, therefore, they have no incentive for using the potty. No warm stream running down their legs or puddling in their little pants. Ew. Yeah, yeah, makes sense. But you know the other problem? Parents. It is soooo easy not to worry about getting your child on the potty in regular intervals because, hey, he's got super-dee-duper absorbant space-age tissue next to his tushie keeping it dry.

So this weekend we went out and bought a couple of packs of toddler underwear -- Cars underwear. No Scooby Doo in his size. No better motivator for the parents then having to clean up little boy pee. Sunday was day 1. We had 2 accidents. Monday we had 2 accidents. One of them he was nice enough to dribble from the living room window all the way into the kitchen.

J has joined the effort by making E a sticker chart and giving him stickers to put on for every successful potty trip. What a cool big brother!

Right now, at this moment, E is filling himself up with "purple wah" -- greatly diluted grape juice. Now he wants to sit on me. Lucky me.

I just love potty training.

my 4-year-old

2008-08-20T07:50:00.004-04:00

Although we celebrated on Sunday, today our little girl officially turns 4. It blows my mind to think of how much has changed for her in the last year.

Happy Birthday, Sweetie!

Surprise!! Yeah, not so much. This was a staged pic. :)

At 4, she has her cupcake and she will eat it too.

Here, mom reads a homemade card written by the big brother. (Refer to previous post to know why this is a big deal.)

Hmmm. . . I guess things have changed a bit for us in the last year, too. Very cool.

who'd a thunk it?

2008-08-18T08:07:00.002-04:00

Many of you know that J went through lots of struggles when his little sister and brother came home last November. While having them was something he very much wanted, it also turned his world upside down. No more Legos in the family room. No more Harry Potter movies before their bedtime. No more mom and dad all to himself. Yeah, there were many tears, arguments, and tantrums from all of us. I will be honest and say that I had my moments of wondering what the heck we had done. Had we ruined his life? Why did we have to go and upset the balance of our family? I always had to stop and rewind back to our reasons for expanding our crew. I had to remind myself that we didn't do this for the short term but for the long term. We knew that the beginning would be rough -- had no idea how rough. (I think it might be kind of like childbirth -- if you truly knew how bad it could be, you might not do it.)

Each week, each month we looked for little signs of progress. J seemed to love his little brother, but he tried too hard and was often rejected. He seemed to simply find S annoying, and he did everything to make everyone's life miserable. J blamed the two of them for everything under the sun. For example: "I wouldn't have spilled my water if she hadn't been looking at me!" Yes, this is a true tale. I was at my wit's end with him when I started noticing that the amount of peaceful time seemed to be increasing. Fewer hateful words words were being used. And something truly bizarre started to happen: They started playing together. Yeah, can you believe it? Sure, it was loud and messy, and sometimes someone got hurt, but they. were. playing. together. Eeeeekkkk!!!

Everything happened a little at a time. We were eventually able to go from having animated arguments to discussions -- albeit stubborn ones at times. J started showing true affection toward E and even occasional moments with S. Usually, though, he was calling her Big Head. (Big Hair would probably be more appropriate, but hey. . .) Part of the problem was that J considered himself separate from them. He was one and THEY were one. This summer, we have seen a shift in this mindset. Perhaps he has seen that they do fight with each other. S tattles on E all the time. For whatever reason, he seems to finally be seeing that they are two separate kids, and maybe they are not the inseparable unit that they came in as.

J attended a sports camp at the Y this summer. Every morning, I would get all 3 kids up, dressed and ready to go by 8:30. We would take him in and he would want hugs goodbye from me and both kids. Well, his hug for S was more like an NBA chest bump -- he would kind of grab her to him and bump into her and then let her go. By the end of the summer, it had turned into a real hug with an occasional kiss thrown in. At bedtime, it is hugs and kisses all around. By my reaction you would think it was an everyday thing, but inside I am screaming with delight! Yeeeeeeee!!!!!!

Oh, but that's not all my cyber friends. We have noticed an obvious shift in S's behavior. She used to copy little brother -- act like a baby. Now? Uh, not so much. Now she is a big girl who is trying to emulate her big brother in everything. How many times has she said something that has been straight out of J's mouth?? Does she really like Pokemon?? And how many more times is she going to rub it into E that she can do things he can't? Oh, we have moved into a totally new dynamic.

For months, J couldn't stand his sister. This past weekend, he had fun buying her a birthday present, making her a card, and planning her party. His words sum it all up:

"I never knew this would be so much fun!"

Yeah, me neither my sweet boy. Me neither. :)

NONE-YA!

2008-08-07T09:31:00.001-04:00

This is how I would like to respond to some people. None. Of. Your. Business. We are still getting that question that drives me crazy:

"So were they brother and sister? I mean, before you adopted them?"

NONE-YA!

Ok, I know I can be harsh at times, but I can't bring myself to give a mean, smart-ass response to these nice, well-meaning, nosey people. So, what I usually end up saying is something like this:

"Yes, but all 3 of my kids are brother and sister because they have the same parents now. Biology isn't important in our house."

This is my attempt to answer their question but to also let them know they are asking an inappropriate question. I mean, am I wrong here? Is there really any reason why someone I barely know (and often have just met) needs to know if my 2 youngest children are biologically related??

Makes me want to turn the tables on people. Something like, "Oh, do both of your biological children have the same father?" or "So were you able to get pregnant naturally or did you have to use fertility drugs?" I mean, can you imagine asking a single mom if both of her kids had the same dad? Or asking a preggers woman if she had a little help from Clomid?

So what about people who adopt 2 unrelated children at the same time. There are some agencies out there who will let families adopt 2 unrelated children from Ethiopia at the same time. There are various theories on whether this is a good idea or not, but I won't get into that now. I'm sure these people get the same none-ya-business question, and I am very curious about how they handle it. Also curious about how the nosey people respond when/if the AP says, no, they are not biological siblings. You see, I always get something like, "Oh, it is so nice that you could keep them together!" So, what does one say when the kids are not related? Gee, that's too bad? Oh, that must be hard? Or, do they manage to find something positive to say?

The lesson I have learned (and hope to pass on) is to think before you ask. It is hard to know what might be private info and what isn't. But it shouldn't be too hard to figure out what kind of info isn't really necessary for me to know. (That whole need-know-basis thing.) And I think a person's dna would fall into that category.

Ok. Done venting. Thanks for reading.
:)

bite-sized mumbles

2008-08-03T13:28:00.003-04:00

* The other day M called S "smartypants." S became quite upset with dad regarding this name-calling and asked him to please not call her "sweatypants" anymore. So, of course, we now call her sweatypants all the time.

* E has a new learning strategy. When he wants to know what something is, he points to it and says, "Name?" I love it. I've never seen a kid do it like this before. Usually kids say, "What dat?" But E apparently has figured out that everything has a "name" and, therefore, he is going to use the proper terminology. What a smartypants. :)

* J is actually ready to go back to school. I can't believe it. 2.5 weeks to go. Let's hope 3rd grade lives up to expectations.

* Those who know me know that I rarely shop for our clothes in a regular store. I prefer second-hand. Not only is it better for the environment, but it is waaaaayyyyy cheaper and I don't give a rat's ass if something gets ruined. So, last week I went to my favorite local thrifty-type store to shop for back-to-school clothes for J and work clothes for me. I bought 22 separate items -- a ton of shirts for him and a ton of pants for me. $32.87. Yes, I am the queen and my husband loves me for it.

* Took the kids to Toys R Us yesterday just for fun. S and E had never been there. We walked in, and they had to stop at practically each game or toy and inspect it. M sooned realized that it was going to take us forever to make it through the store. Somehow, we not only made it out of the store, but we did it without buying anything or anyone having any tantrums because of it. I'm not sure if that makes us good parents or bad parents. (Hmmm. . . take kids to a toy store and not buy them anything . . . ok, maybe it just makes us crazy stupid.)

* S's birthday is coming up, and she can't wait. E, of course, is ready to have another one. What is funny is that they don't yet get the concept of having one per year. Understanding time is hard enough (if not impossible) and the idea that you only have one birthday but you get to have it again someday just doesn't compute. J told S that he has had 8 birthdays and she didn't believe him.

* Did you know that all 3 of our kids are copycats? Make. It. Stop. !!! (Actually, it is kind of funny when E does it because he's only 2.)

* And one political bit: How cool is my dad?? My dad is a 79-year-old caucasian man who grew up in a coal-mining town in Kentucky. He is a Korean War veteran who served on the USS Missouri, and he has spent most of his adult life in a small, conservative, Republican town in western Ohio -- my hometown. He has been known to have his prejudices, but he has come a long way in changing. He has also been known to not like George W. Bush. So, I just had to ask him: Dad, who are you voting for? He looked at me like it was obvious and said, "Barack!"
Yea, Dad!! If he can see it, then I have hope for others as well.

* Ok, two political bits: Can someone please make Grampy McSame stop talking?? His voice sounds like it should belong to some evil hypnotist in a bad B movie, "my friends". Oh, and the smile has to go. Just reinforces the evil hypnotist notion. Besides, if something obviously isn't a natural, comfortable thing for you to do, then just don't do it. blehhhhh.

Stepping down off my box now.
:)

the big screen and the big pool

2008-07-27T15:40:00.003-04:00

Way back when we were in line with China and waiting for an infant girl, I always perused our agency's waiting child list. These were children of various ages and with various health conditions. Some were perfectly healthy but because of age were considered hard to place. Others had conditions that were fairly easy to treat, like cleft lip/palate, club foot, skin conditions, etc. It was during this time that I started to realize that our next child didn't have to be an infant. Maybe a toddler? Maybe a preschooler? Maybe older? In many ways I was somewhat scared of the idea, but I also couldn't seem to stop myself from falling in love with these beautiful children. How amazing for these kiddos to touch so many lives -- I know that I wasn't the only one falling for them -- and they will probably never know the impact they had.

At one point, I finally put the question out there to those in the virtual adoption society. What's it like to adopt an older child? I got lots of great feedback, but the one that really stuck with me was one with a wonderful message of "firsts." The writer told me not to fret over lost firsts -- that there would be plenty more to marvel over. Now that we have been home for 8 months with our now 2-year-old and soon-to-be-4-year-old, I have found how true that advice was.

Take this past week.

M took J and S to see the new Pixar movie in the theater. It was S's first time going to the movies. When she came home, you should have seen her face! It was like she had just experienced the most amazing thing in the world.

"Mommy! We watched a really big movie, and it was really loud!" As she described it all, her eyes and her smile could not contain her excitement. It became obvious that she really didn't understand the movie, but that didn't seem to matter. How cool was this??

But the new adventures didn't end there. On Saturday, we finally took the kids to the pool. Yeah, I'm very aware that we are more than half way through summer, but we do have valid reasons for waiting so long. One would be my new job. Makes trips to the pool only possible on the weekends. Strangely, our weekends this summer have been booked with one thing or another, so leisurely days at the pool haven't happened. The other big factor is that it really takes both parents to take all 3 kids to the pool -- with S and E not swimming yet, just wouldn't be safe otherwise.

So, we go to the pool. At most, the kids have seen one on tv. We didn't stay at a hotel in Ethiopia, and haven't been to one or seen one since coming home. Had no idea how they might react. Would they be fish or chickens? Um, yeah, total fish. It was their first time in a swimming pool, and S kept trying to "swim" away from Dad. Both wanted to jump in over and over, and they even went underwater. Have to say, I was shocked. Guess we don't have to worry about having scaredy-cat kids at swim lessons, now do we? Zowee!! (Oh, and I should probably mention that we didn't have any noodles or other floaty devices.)

I know there will be more firsts to come. A ton more. If they are anything like the movies and the pool, then life should be a blast. How lucky am I?
:)

pics!!

2008-07-20T17:19:00.005-04:00

Nothing really to say. Just wanted to share some photos of our summer so far. Someday I will take the time to learn to post a slideshow. Enjoy!

so much to tell, so little time. . .

2008-07-14T08:03:00.002-04:00

Where to begin?? How about on Thursday. . .

After working until 6:00 that evening, I came home to a wonderful dinner and packed bags. No, I wasn't being tossed to the curb. We were heading out of town! By 8:00, Moby (the great white minivan/whale) was gassed up, we had our Tim Horton's cafe mochas, and the dvd player was fired up for some mind-numbing entertainment. E was out by 8:35.

About 7 (ish) hours later, we arrived in St. Louis for our long weekend. We tip-toed into my FIL's house and found our place to crash. After telling the kids to sleep in, they woke the next morning around 7:30. Great. We decided to take the morning slow and work our way to nap time and a more human feeling. I can't speak for anyone else, but I had a fabulous snooze on the couch.

Finally, in the afternoon, we decided it was time to take the kids on an adventure. But where? There are so many cool things to do with kids in St. Louis -- the zoo, the Magic House, City Museum, Grant's Farm, the Science Center, the Butterfly House. Well, how about Grant's Farm? It's FREE, we get to see animals, and we can ride on a train through the oppressive St. Louis-in-July weather. Wonderful idea! Except we got there five minutes after they closed the parking lot. Damn. Ok. Off to the zoo.

Now I have to admit that I'm not much of a zoo person. I always end up going when it is about 95 degrees and all the animals have chosen to hide somewhere and sleep. There's also the whole thing about wild animals being kept in contrived environments, but we won't get into all that. So, off to the zoo. Parked for FREE. Entered for FREE. Paid $9.00 for a double stroller and $4.50 for a big bag of popcorn and some animal crackers. (Love that!) After seeing some impressive reptiles, stinky monkeys, a very adorable baby giraffe, and absent big cats, I was melting into the pavement. Then my smart hubby decided it was time to visit the penguins and puffins. AAAAHHHH! It was so wonderfully cold in there! And, oh, were those penguins and puffins cute! (Don't tell J I used that word.)

We finally decided it was time to hit the road, and M was kind enough to retrieve Moby and pick us up in front of the zoo. As we were heading back to my FIL's house, we called Imo's and ordered a couple of pizzas for dinner. We were almost to Webster Groves when I asked, "Where's the diaper bag?" "I gave it to you." "You did? I don't have it." Uh oh. Back to the zoo. It was sitting right where M had left it with me.

Back at home, we devoured our Imo's and prepped for our next to-do: Celebrating E's 2nd birthday!! He actually turned 2 on Sunday, but since we would be driving in the car, we decided to celebrate it on Friday night. With the help of Elmo party supplies, some balloons blown up by J, and cake and ice cream provided by Papi, we officially ushered in the terribly terrific twos. An age we will call the "Me Do" age because E insists on doing everything himself. I can't believe I have a 2-year-old again. I better enjoy it while I can.

Saturday brought more adventures: The Children's Hope Reunion Picnic! We met up with some of our favorite CHI Ethiopian families and enjoyed some good times. Honestly, though, I have to admit that one of the best parts for me was seeing the wonderful woman who coordinated our adoption of J and having him meet her. Another highlight was viewing a photo album from Ethiopia that had several pics of S and E. Seeing them in their first orphanage made me want to cry. Fortunately, not everything was emotional -- lots of kids from around the world playing and parents comparing notes was a joy to be a part of. It was really cool to finally meet so many people that up until then had only been virtual. (Wow! You all are real!!)

After some nap time at home, the Ethiopian families headed to one of my favorite places in St. Louis: Rigazzi's. After some salad, t-ravs, and baked ravioli, I was a happy mama. But I was about to become happier: Ted Drewes!! Yummy concretes. (After all this goodness, I had to sit in the back of Moby with J and his aching belly -- he had eaten waaaay too much. Can't blame him. Easy to do there.)

After getting the kids in bed, M and I worked on packing up. After driving over at night with the kids mostly asleep, I was wary of what Sunday would bring. Driving 7 to 8 hours with the kids during the day?? Are we nuts?? Yep. And guess what? They were marvelous! I am still amazed at how well we all did. Good thing -- we're going back later this year and have to make the drive again. Woo Hoo!

Aunt Jen ROCKS!!!!

2008-06-30T21:08:00.003-04:00

Ya know, we have a lot of wonderful people in our life. Some really nice, cool, wonderful people. Then we have our Aunt Jen. If your kids do not have an Aunt Jen, then I highly recommend you go find one.

Technically, "Aunt" Jen isn't an aunt, but she has more than earned that title with all of the special attention she slathers on the kids. She and J have a very close relationship, and she's beginning to develop bonds with the little ones, too. I think after this weekend she has climbed a bit higher on the S and E scale of good people to know. Why? Two words:

King's Island. (A very fab amusement park north of Cincy.)

Through her work, Jen provided our entire family with free tickets, a parking pass, and drink wristbands. (The coolest thing: wear a wristband, walk up to a snack bar, ask for a coke/sprite/root beer, walk away with it for FREE.) Unbelievable. Added bonus: being able to hold the trip over J for good behavior. S and E, of course, had no clue what King's Island was, and we really had no context for them. (S pointed to the elaborate playground at the McDonald's close to the park and thought that it was King's Island. Uh, no sweetie, just you wait.)

Overall, the kids did great. One of my favorite moments came while standing in line with S for the little kid roller coaster in Nickelodeon land. There were a few different characters walking around, but S had no clue who they were -- we don't have cable. She kept calling Sponge Bob "Cheese Bob" because to her he looked like a piece of cheese. I think I would have to agree with her on that one. Anyway, Jimmy Neutron walks over and puts his hand out to her, and she dutifully slaps his hand and gives him five. She then looks down for a moment and then up at me and just giggles and giggles. It was a moment of pure little kid pleasure. In that moment, I thought about where she was last year and how far she has come. Once a child living in an orphanage 3 hours outside of Addis Ababa, then to a transition home in Addis Ababa, with little if anything to call her own, she was now standing in line to ride a little roller coaster and interacting with a cartoon character. She had spent the day eating pizza, running through a water playground, and riding on cars that went in circles. She was far from that land that lacked its secondary rains and, therefore, was facing a famine that may rival that of the '80s. A land running out of food and the doctors have to choose which kids get the PlumpyNut. Instead, she was smiling and laughing and asking what we call this and that. It was a hard moment, and I know, just like with J, I will have more of them.

On a lighter note, one fun moment was standing in line for a ride with J and watching him dance because he needed to go potty. Soon after, we actually had to get out of line at another ride so he could go go go. Yeah, I was happy about that one. E was maybe a bit overwhelmed by it all, but he really did great -- even took a little nap! We paid for this great behavior on the way home when he decided he just had to hold my hand for most of the trip -- that's with me sitting up front and contorting my arm back to him. Yeah, he needed to go to bed.

When we left the park, we completed the day with a little more junk food for the trip home -- Burger King. At one point, I looked back to see all 3 kids wearing their Burger King crowns. How appropriate, my friends. How appropriate.

So, we owe Aunt Jen the biggest thank you in the world. I never feel like I am able to do enough to repay her for her kindness and generosity. But someday, Jen, I will figure it out.

All kids should have an Aunt Jen because she ROCKS!!
:)

HOLY CRAP!!

2008-06-20T09:09:00.002-04:00

I'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR FIFTEEN YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday, June 19th, marked 15 years since I walked half-way down the aisle, took the arm of the love of my life, and continued on to the altar with him to make our vows, exchange our rings, and seal it with a kiss.

He still calls me his bride.

As with many things in our life together, I am sure there were many who thought we were nuts for getting married a month after my college graduation. But hey, it was just the start of our craziness together. So, neener-neener-neener to all you doubters out there!

So, what did we do to celebrate our FIFTEEN YEARS of wedded bliss? We got a babysitter (the magnificent Hannah) and went out on a date! Can you believe it?? We left all 3 kids at home and went out for a fabulous dinner at Rosendale's. Easily the best restaurant in Columbus. After our leisurely meal, we strolled the Short North and reveled in the hip-happenin' atmosphere of the restaurants, shops and galleries.

Ya know, our kids have such a non-conventional family: multicultural, multinational, transracial,
and parents who have only been married once, to each other, before they were all born, and now for 15 years.

How crazy are we??
Happy Anniversary to me and my hubba-hubba honey!

my sweet (big) boy

2008-06-14T09:51:00.003-04:00

Eight years ago today (June 14) our oldest son, J, did something for me that only he can lay claim to: he made me a mom.

Born in Guatemala, J was already in the U.S. when he was placed with us unexpectedly. We had 5 DAYS to prepare for his arrival -- yeah, we had virtually nothing. Most babies come home to beautifully decorated nurseries that have been waiting for months. Our son came home to a crib (that he hated) set up in our study. Know what? He doesn't seem scarred by the lack of Winnie the Pooh.

On that day eight years ago, we were called by our attorney to get to court -- and to bring a car seat just in case. We nervously waited our turn to speak with the judge and to hear her decision. When we walked out holding J, we were in total amazement. As we drove to M's dad's office to introduce him (on his birthday!!) to his newest grandchild, I kept looking back over my shoulder to the baby in the backseat and saying, "How did this happen?? We really didn't have much to do with this did we? No, really. How did this happen?"

After a very long journey to become a mom, it was just plain shocking to realize that I had a child in the car and he was mine. He was beautiful, healthy, and mine. This is a child that looks nothing like me, that shares none of my dna, and who has gifts beyond my imagination. Regardless of our differences, he was born from my heart if not from my body and has a claim on a large part of my soul. When I think of what had to occur for J to become our son, I am in awe and wonderment. I thank God everyday for this gift of a child.

There really is more than one way to become a parent. Trust me.
"The Spirit moves in mysterious ways."

Love you my sweet boy.

clean up clean up everybody everywhere!

2008-06-09T09:39:00.004-04:00

Alert! Alert! I think we have again reached a new stage!

Over the weekend, hubby and I started talking about things we wanted to do around the house -- mainly organizational. Many people know that I can't stand clutter and "stuff" piling up. Drives me crazy. (By the way, this is only in my own house; other people's clutter is other people's clutter.) My dream is the day when we can live minimally and not have so much crap in the house, which I inevitably have to clean. (It will help when J either stops being a pack rat or goes off to college. "No, mom! Don't throw away that paper/wrapper/toilet paper roll -- I'm using that!") I've lived with the clutter and accumulation of stuff over the past 6.5 months because I have had more important things to deal with.

But this weekend, while discussing some things we could do to reorganize and jobs we could tackle, it occurred to me that I was ready. I am ready to take on house projects again!! The ideas we have aren't big ones, but it makes me feel like the big ones can be done. I am sure this has to be meaningful. Please don't burst my bubble if it's not because it sure feels like a step forward.

Now here's the challenge: holding on to the motivation until the time when we can actually put some of our ideas into action -- likely next weekend. Oh, and trying to make it happen while refereeing the 3 kiddos. Now THAT would be something to crow about!

:)

latest and greatest mumblerrr news

2008-06-05T08:14:00.003-04:00

School's out! Everybody shout!

Can't believe it. J is now a 3rd grader. Not sure how that happened. After a successful second grade year, we are hoping for more of the same in the fall. Although if we can get him to expand his vocab beyond certain body parts and functions, we will be quite pleased.

In other news. . .

The mama has gone back to work! I have recently taken a part-time position with a local university, and I love it. As a result of this employment, E and S have started spending a few hours at daycare. I was a bit concerned, especially with E and how he would do, but after a few shy sessions, he is jumping right in. "School" is a big hit with newest Mumblerrrs.

S comes home everyday with a new craft, or "crap," as she calls her creations. Not because it looks like crap, but because that is how she says the word. "Look at the crap I made today, mommy! It's a turtle!"

In more S school stories, apparently one of the teachers was asking for volunteers to play a card game. She was hoping for one of the slightly older kids, but S was the one who wanted to play. She didn't think S would get it, but she sat her down and explained the game anyway. The teacher then asked S to explain it back to her, and she was surprised when S did it. She told M that S was one smart little girl. Imagine her surprise when M said, "And you know she has only been speaking English for 6 months, right?" Uh, nope. Apparently that word hadn't gotten to her.

E, still the mama's boy, seems to be well into his terrible twos before actually hitting that magic number. S is in the "why" phase. Everything has to be followed up with a question. Have to admit, it is driving me nuts at times. J is showing more and more moments of enjoying his sibs. I was shocked the other night when S went to say goodnight to him and he actually told her he loved her. (insert scooby-doo reaction: huhhhh?!) It may have just been a mindless goodnight reaction, but it's a start!

Happy summer everyone!

6 million minus 2

2008-05-21T16:16:00.009-04:00

Thanks to Jenni for this CNN link:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/africa/05/20/ethiopia.children/index.html

"We have nothing to feed our children."

6 million children under the age of 5 are at risk.

more than 120,000 have only about a month to live.

Mother Nature brings us earthquakes and cyclones and tornadoes. She hits the world unexpectedly and shocks us with her devastation. Our compassion compels us to send aid and resources to help those in desperate need. Unfortunately, we sometimes forget that Mother

Nature can also be silent and still be horrendously devastating. As she quietly withholds the rains for days and weeks and months, she brings about the starvation of millions.

I look at my two Ethiopian children under the age of 5, and I can't help think about what might have been. It turns my stomach and forces me to push the thought away. My children. All three with plenty of food. All three with clean water. All three with access to health care and medicines.

The children in Ethiopia and others across the globe are all God's children. Therefore, they are all our children. They are all my children. Please do what you can.

parentitis, a sensibility disease

2008-05-19T12:14:00.004-04:00

You know, there are times in our lives when we make senseless choices. Maybe we guzzled too much cheap beer or actually enhaled that weed. Maybe hormones were making us stupid. Or maybe it was peer pressure -- everybody was doing it!

Or maybe we became parents.

On Sunday, J and I went to the monthly gathering for Central Ohio Families of Latin American Children (COFLAC) and had a great time. While he played on the jungle gym/climbing thingy, I got to have some adult conversation with the other parents. We were talking about work when one of the moms remarked that she went back to work part-time. She said that when they adopted their first child that she left her full-time job to stay home. Then, they realized that since she was staying home anyway that maybe they should go ahead and adopt a second child. She said, "It made no sense: We cut our income in half and more than doubled our debt."

Said that way, she was right. It made no sense. However, as someone who adopted 2 and chose to stay home for awhile, it made perfect sense to me. There is something about being or becoming a parent that seems to encourage us to make choices that others find completely crazy. More than once M and I have made decisions that I am sure have left others scratching their heads. (Like the time we moved to San Antonio without jobs. Or the time we moved to St. Louis without jobs. Or the time we moved to Ohio without jobs. Well, technically Mark had one but it disappeared before we moved and then reappeared later.) And while I would admit that perhaps we could have more money and more stuff and more advanced careers, I am guessing that we wouldn't have the children we have (and perhaps would be child free), wouldn't have lived in different cities, wouldn't now live as close to our friends and families as we do, and would not have experienced the variety and spice of life that we have to this point. Trust me, I will take all of that over the feeling that I didn't follow my heart, my gut, my instincts.

So, if you are a parent or are about to become one and you find yourself making choices that most would consider stupid or insane, don't worry. At some point, you will find yourself making sensible choices again. But, I think there are times in our lives when we are pushed to do things that sound nutty when spoken out loud. As long as you are not under the influence of mind-altering substances, I give you permission to accept the craziness. Follow your heart, your gut, your instincts and give your child some raspberries on the belly. Their laughter will justify it all.

:)

the American way

2008-05-16T09:55:00.002-04:00

Sometimes we allow ourselves to be ignorant until a child speaks a truth and forces us to acknowledge the way things really are. Take the words of our 3.5-year-old daughter, S:

"When something breaks, we throw it away and go buy a new one!"

Hm. What is really sad about this statement is that in our household we try really hard not to do that. Our recycle bins seem to always be overflowing. While our neighbors' garbage cans often appear to be bursting, ours looks relatively empty. (We can skip a week of trash pick-up and it's usually no biggie.) We have a dishwasher and microwave that have seen better days, but they still work perfectly fine. Clothes get sent to resale shops or are turned into things like cleaning rags. Used paper is either recycled or turned into scratch paper for my list making or scribbling for the kids. Leftovers are a food staple.

But for all we try to do, I know it is nothing like what we experienced in Ethiopia. Food is served again and again until there is nothing left. Paper is precious and not many things come in the disposable variety. The idea that things are just thrown away without being used a gazillion times is unthinkable. I mean, you go out, buy a chicken, cut its head off, de-feather it, and cook it for dinner. There is no plastic wrap and foam tray to throw away, and you get more than just the drumsticks for your meal. This is how life is not just in Ethiopa but in most of the countries outside of the western world.

It all makes me pause and fills me with guilt.
It also tells me that there is more of their culture that we need to hold on to.

to ALL the mama's: happy mama's day to you!

2008-05-11T09:39:00.007-04:00

This is going to be a 2-part post.

Part 1: Mama's Day in the Mumblerrr! House

After J's soccer game yesterday, we were driving home and he started talking about how he and dad needed to go out and get me something for Mother's Day. I declared, "No, you do not need to buy anything. I want to sleep in tomorrow. Let me do that, and that will be the best present ever." Well, as the day went on, he continued to talk about it. (Oh, and by the way, he had already brought home a potted flower in a decorated foam coffee cup from school.) I had been wanting to talk to him about honoring his birth mother as well because that is a tradition we haven't really started with him. So, I used this as an opportunity, and he thought it was a great idea! Therefore, today our plan is to have a meal we enjoy, pick out a special dessert, and raise our glasses in honor of not just me, but of all of our birth mothers: the kids', mine, dad's and even Willoughby the cat. We then plan to watch a movie and play games.

So did I get to sleep in this morning? Somewhat. J came into our room and snuggled up around 7-ish. S soon followed but she was more awake. E was actually the last to wake up (wow!) but he, of course, needed to come in and climb all over the mama and put elbows in uncomfortable places. M made a quick trip out of the house in order to bring home a box of donuts from Tim Horton's and my only coffee drink, a cafe mocha. J also gave me a homemade card with 3o cents in it. (I'll try not to spend that all in one place.) They then went to church and left me at home to enjoy a few quiet minutes here with the blog. Aaaaaahhhhhh! Happy Mama's Day to me!!

Part 2: How to be Totally Offensive 101: A Lesson from Teleflora

So, Teleflora decides to have one of those best-mom-in-the-world contests. Great. But for some idiotic reason, they felt the need to define "mom" and actually came up with a "non-mom" mom category:
http://www.americasfavoritemom.com/mothers-day-2008/static/semiFinalists
"The non-mom mom category
Grandparent, stepmom, or mom to adopted children, each one raising and loving a child. A priceless gift for everybody."

Excuse me, but WTH!!!!! After all that I have gone through to become a mom, and all that I have done since becoming a mom, how DARE they even suggest that I am a NON MOM just because my children weren't vaginally birthed by me or sliced out of my uterus. I cannot express how incredibly ANGRY this makes me. I know there are plenty of people out there who do not equate adoption with birthing a child, but those people are idiots and should not adopt. And, apparently, those people also should not run favorite mom contests!!

Well, Teleflora received plenty of backlash from the adoption demographic out there, and here is how they apologized but still managed to miss the point:

"Thank you for contacting Teleflora to share your thoughts about the"Teleflora presents America's Favorite Mom" program. In response to your concerns, Teleflora is immediately changing the name of our "Non-Mom" category to "Adopting Moms." After closer examination, we can see how this may have been offensive to moms who have adopted children -- moms who are indeed real moms to their children in every sense of the word. In fact, many of us atTeleflora are "adopting" parents ourselves, including our president and owner. The essence of this category still focuses on a grandparent, neighbor, step mom, or mom to adopted or foster children, each one raising and loving a child.This show of insensitivity on our part was in no way intended and we deeply apologize for any concern or distress we may have caused. It was always our intent to salute and celebrate all moms. In closing, all of us at Teleflora would like to offer our sincerest best wishes to all the many women throughout the world who have worked so hard and given so much to earn the name "Mom."Sincerely, The America's Favorite Mom Team."

So, I guess they think they make it all better by just changing the name of the category, and don't realize that just having a separate category is offensive all by itself! Talk about shit for brains. Who hires these people?? So can you guess who has never used Teleflora and now who never will?
Hey, Sugardaddy's makes a nice gift!
Happy Mama's Day to ALL the mama's!
:)

pink problem part 2 (i really hate pink now)

2008-04-30T13:36:00.002-04:00

This morning I opened the new box of pull-ups (technically, "easy-ups") for E. They were pink. I had accidently bought the box with Dora on it instead of Diego. I suppose some people would have returned them for the requisite blue pull-ups, but I couldn't bring myself to do that. (Besides, that would require using the $3.50 a gallon gas currently in the minivan.)

So, E is wearing pink pull-ups. J wanted to know if he could tease him about it. NO!

I ask you, why is it even necessary to make the pull-ups gender-specific?? I mean, come on! When shopping with kids in tow, the last thing I really have time to do is stand at the shelf and focus on which cartoon character is on the box. The other part of this that annoys me is that if E were a girl and I had accidently bought the blue Diegos, it wouldn't have been quite the societal faux pas as it is if a boy has pink peeking out from his pants. (Kind of like the pink sweatshirt jacket he was wearing the day we got him!)

It's just wrong all the way around. Damn those pushers of pink! What's also annoying about is that it isn't that I dislike pink or refuse to dress my daughter in pink. I just wish the "creative" designers and marketers of all things girly would realize that they can use other colors.

So, if you see my son wearing Dora pull-ups, please don't tease him. Not his fault.
Ok. rant over.
:)

word to your mama

2008-04-25T09:04:00.004-04:00

We're having an explosion around the Mumblerrr household! A vocabulary explosion. I haven't tracked all the things 21-month-old E can express and I know that a lot of it can only be translated by us, but it has been amazing to realize how good his language skills are becoming -- especially when you consider that he spent the first 16 months of his 21 months hearing Amharic.

With this communication growth has come his ability to express possession, so now everything is "my" or "mine". My ball, my car, my bear, my purple wah. After sitting on the potty he likes to declare, "My butt, my peepee, my butt, my peepee," while indicating each. Yes, sweetie, that is your butt and that is your peepee.

Recently, he has taken possession of his big brother: "My J." Of course, it does a mama's heart good to hear this. But, with his arms wrapped around me, this is what makes me melt into a pool of mama goo:

"My mommy."

Yes, my sweet little boy. I am your mommy.

pollen and the pink princess

2008-04-22T09:57:00.004-04:00

Remember several months ago when our house was a poopy house? Dealing with 2 new kiddos with intestinal ickies and a cat not finding his litter box, my days were filled with poo, poo, and more poo. Well, all that cleared up and things have been, um, "regular" for some time now.

This week we have a new bodily excretion: snot. We appear to have 3 kids with seasonal allergies. E's nose has been running non-stop, S sneezes about a million times in a row, and J fights itchy, watery eyes and nasal congestion every spring, summer and fall. So, our house isn't a poopy house; it is now a snotty one. Ewwwwww.

New topic from left field:

Can I just say how annoying I find the pink-n-purple-princess marketing for girls????? Why does every freakin' thing have to be either pink or purple and have a white Disney princess on it? Clothing, tricycles, balls, chairs, cups, underwear, toothbrushes, et-cet-er-a, et-cet-er-a. ICK!!! This weekend I went shopping for a tricycle for S and actually found a red and blue one that looks like it is supposed to be for a boy, but the box that it came in has a little girl on it (good for them!) But while I was looking for the trike, I also looked at bicycles. What the heck?! Is it even going to be possible to get her a bike that is any other color than pink, purple, and white? We happen to still have J's first bike downstairs in our basement that I will probably pull out for her when the time comes -- if I can find the training wheels and the hardware for them.

But I ask you, why should I be made to feel that any primary colored object is for a boy and I can only buy pastel puke stuff for S -- especially if Sleeping Beauty or Cinderella is on it?? So stupid.

Now, if I could find some pretty Snow White tissues to wipe these runny noses, THAT might be worth buying. At least it would be cathartic. "Here sweetie, let the princess get all those boogies for you."

:)

new season, new curiosities

2008-04-18T12:08:00.006-04:00

SPRING SPRING SPRING!!!!
It appears to be here. The windows are open, bugs and birds have returned, and the trees are poppin' out with buds and blossoms. For most people who live in places where winter actually happens, the arrival of spring brings a happy sense of renewal, energy, and relief. For me, I was looking forward to all of that plus the hope that we would reach that new normal that we have been seeking since our family grew from 3 to 5.

I am happy to report that that new normal is here more often than not. You know how when you start a new exercise routine and you think it just may kill you, and then before you know it you have plateaued and what was once a challenge now doesn't make you break a sweat? Well, while we still get out of breath from time to time, this new routine we took on last November has become much easier.

Along with the chirp of the crickets and the buzzing of the bees we have the delight of two children discovering a new world around them. Some examples:

1.) "It's warm? No coat?"
2.) shorts and short sleeves draw curious looks and touches. yes, those are dad's knees.
3.) ice in drinks. what is that?
4.) what are dad and j doing kicking a ball around with a bunch of strange kids?
5.) a kite!! we've only seen that in books!
6.) sunglasses. so cool.
7.) dandelions, grass, "flowers" -- yes, feel free to pull those out of the grass
8.) open windows. the backdoor opens?! wow!
9.) hey, we can play with neighbor kids outside!
10.) windows down in the car. Who knew?

Just imagine when we put on bathing suits and go to the pool.
:)
Happy Spring!

curly Qs and corkscrews

2008-04-11T14:43:00.010-04:00

When adopting from another culture, it is very necessary to research and learn as much as you can. You know, all the important stuff -- beliefs, religion, geography, holidays, history, hair. Yes, hair. One of the things I learned about the African-American community is that hair is of great importance -- even greater than I had ever realized. It isn't just about it looking good; there is a lot of history and personal connections that go deeper than the follicles. Our two young children are Ethiopian, but they do not carry a sign around identifying their country of birth; therefore, society sees them as African-American. (I guess once they get their citizenship they truly will be!) Anyway, the thought of doing African hair struck great fear in me. Actually, it was more the fear of doing it well enough to take my daughter out in public. Would women of color look at her with pity and me with disgust?

I wasn't too worried about E. He's a boy. S, however, came to us with the most wonderful, beautiful braids, and I took one look at them and knew I could never duplicate them. Poor girl. She had to get a mom who can rarely do her own hair well. What could I do? I had to do some research. I got the recommended books and scoured the internet and attempted to arm myself with the knowledge of how to do my new daughter's hair. The tricky part was not knowing what her hair was like until we finally met her. The other tricky part was not knowing what her hair was like until the braids came out.

On top of being a bit intimidated by doing her hair, I was a little overwhelmed with what products to use. Like every other part of child rearing, everyone seems to have their opinions on the best hair products for African hair. I was a little worried. What if I chose the wrong stuff and ruined her hair? Was I going to have to spend more on her shampoo, conditioner and goo then I spent on my own? What about oils? Then someone sent me a link to Mowtown Girl. Finally! A web site that not only gave a ton of advice and product reviews, but most importantly gave people like me some common sense direction, and reminded me that we are dealing with hair. Hair that may be different than mine but still just hair.

While I had always planned to keep S's hair natural, I thought that I had to keep it in braids and twists. But I had noticed the little girl across the street didn't do that -- her hair was often pulled back in one big puff or even left to spring free all around her head. I was intrigued. Could we do this too?? I started to ask around and discovered that it isn't really the style that is important but that the hair looks healthy and cared for. I became brave and started leaving S's hair down. As usual, I used the detangler (Suave for kids) and gobs of leave-in conditioner (Garnier-Nutrisse) and started finger-combing her corkscrew curls. I pulled out the barretts, clippies, and headbands that I hadn't really used yet and gave them a shot. I also found some anti-frizz curl goo (alcohol-free) that has been fab! The result? Super-cute curly hair that gets complimented -- and you can tell people want to touch it. I know I have a hard time keeping my own hands out of it!

infant, no?

2008-04-08T08:53:00.003-04:00

I have been wanting to write this post for a long time, but I just haven't had the quality time necessary to do it justice. Well, I still don't, but I am going to attempt it anyway. (Hey, it's not like you will know when I pause to deal with a screamin' child or to put someone on the potty, right??)

What I want to focus on is the idea of adopting a toddler or preschooler -- an idea that was once a bit scary to us. You see, most people go into adoption wanting AYAP (As Young As Possible.) And for many of those people, that also means an AYAP girl. When we started paperwork to adopt J, we had no gender preference, but because he was our first child, we did want AYAP. Besides the obvious reasons, we had also heard the problems that often come with an older child. We weren't ready for that. Then, in 2005 when we started paperwork for #2, we had to do a little more contemplating: We were no longer first-time parents, we already had a boy, our child was already 5 years old, and this would likely be our last adoption. We were choosing between Colombia and China because Guatemala was no longer an option for us. With Colombia, we would likely be matched with a toddler boy, and with China we would almost definitely get an infant girl. Besides being drawn to China, we were also a bit wary of "toddler boy" and what that would/could mean. So, we hopped in line for an infant girl from China. And we waited. And waited. And waited. We waited long enough for us to realize a few things: Gender didn't really matter to us, we could handle an older child, and the point was simply to become parents again. We had experienced an infant and didn't feel an overwhelming need to go through it again.

So what about the scariness of a toddler or (gasp!) a preschooler?? Toddlers are already "terrible" as we all know; what about an adopted one? And a preschooler? They already have language! How do you even communicate with them? What about attachment? We did our research about the special needs and issues that an older child may come with, and we also learned what we could from those who had gone before us. I will not lie. There is some scary, scary info out there about older adopted children. It is vitally important to research it, understand it, and figure out if you could handle it. That being said, I think many who do that are armed for the worst and they are pleasantly surprised at how prepared they are for what comes their way.

You also have to look at the country and situation you are adopting from. Has the child been in an orphanage from day one? Have they been in foster care? In Ethiopia, many of the older children have been living with family before being placed in an orphanage, so they tend to spend less time away from a primary caregiver and have fewer issues with attachment and bonding.

So, when we made the decision to switch from China to Ethiopia, we broadened our hopes: a sib set of 2, either gender, 0-36 months in age. We felt prepared for any combination that might bring, and I feel we received exactly what we were meant to: a 3 yo girl and a 14 mo boy.
Some of the plusses? No formula, no baby food, able to feed themselves, all or most teeth already in, walking, S able to dress herself, not having to lug around all the crap that babies requrie, easier communication. Yes, S came to us very fluent in Amharic, and we had some interesting times, but her native language (unfortunately) is all but gone. The language barrier was actually a fairly small hurdle and not one that I would use as a reason to not adopt an older child.

The big negative: not having baby pictures and other baby history.

One thing people worry about is missing all the "firsts." Yeah, sure, you do miss the first tooth, the first step, etc., and that is a toughy to accept. However, you still have a whole lifetime of firsts to experience, including a lot of firsts that they simply haven't experienced because of where they are from. For example, on Saturday the kids had their first milkshake. Let's just say I had to pry the cup away from E more than once. :) There are things that they have never seen, things they have never done, and foods they have never eaten. It really makes you see your world in a whole new way.

Would I recommend adopting a toddler or preschooler? Most definitely!! Just learn about the issues they may come with and be prepared to handle them. Remember that ALL kids have issues, and by knowing what yours may have, you will be more prepared than those who think their kids are perfect and problem-free. (hahahahahah -- that cracks me up!) Also, don't assume that infant won't have attachment issues -- even a home-grown child can have attachment problems. Our toddler and preschooler (now home 4.5 months) have been attaching to us beautifully and have transitioned remarkably well. I never ever ever imagined they would do so well.

Feel free to ask questions and I'll answer what I can.

I survived!

2008-03-31T19:25:00.002-04:00

Spring Break '08 is over! And I'm still alive! (I'm sure you were wondering.)

It actually went fairly well. The trick seemed to be to have something planned for each day -- even if it was just going to Target or the library. Friday was cleaning day, and believe it or not my messiest kid was my biggest help -- just don't go in his bedroom.

I think we're turning another corner with the 3 sibs. J seems to be playing more and pestering less. Or, at least, his pestering seems to be based more on just being a big brother than on disliking his little sister and brother and wanting to send them back. As for S and E, they are becoming more attached to J. They want to be with him, play with him, go to school with him, etc. The loudness of our house now seems to be more because of kids playing and goofing around than arguing, picking and fighting. Don't get me wrong -- they haven't turned into perfect angels who always listen to their mama, and I don't think they ever will. But they are making progress toward living together with a bit of harmony and the ability to occasionally have a good time.

Enjoyed the weekend with M's sister, her hubby and their baby, A.
J, S, and E LOVE their little cousin, and she seemed to enjoy their attention. I enjoyed some uninterrupted adult conversation with my seester-in-law. Just don't ask what we talked about. Heavy, deep stuff. It was great!! :)

On an end note, I would like to send out happy birthday wishes to our niece. Happy 14th Lindser-dinser!!

3 things

2008-03-23T13:48:00.002-04:00

An admission.
I know I'm not supposed to think this is funny, but it really kind of is. You see, my oldest child taught my youngest child how to say "crybaby." So guess who E calls crybaby? Yep. His big sister, who, in fact, tends to be somewhat of a crybaby. (She adequately fits the definition of preschool girl with her tattletaling and boo-hooing.) So, something upsets her apple cart and she starts crying. E, with a little grin on his face, starts in with, " 'Rybebe. 'Rybebe." This, of course, makes S cry more and yell, "I not a crybaby. S no crybaby." I simply have to turn away and admonish little brother for calling his big sister names and try not to let them see the laughter being held in. Sounds so mean, but it really is funny. I've been trying to tell S that E (and J) will continue to do it as long as she reacts to it, and she's starting to catch on. Fortunately, my crybaby is also pretty darn smart.

An accomplishment.
My niece lives about an hour and a half away with her husband and 2 girls, ages 8 and 2. She emails me and says that they are planning on being at Cosi on Friday and did we want to meet up with them there? Sure! Sounds great! Well, it sounded great until E spent all day Thursday running a fever and needing me to hold him nonstop. I honestly didn't think we would be able to go on Friday morning, so I did nothing to prepare for the possibility of taking all 3 kids to Cosi the next day. By myself.
Well, wouldn't you know E wakes up cool as a cucumber and ready for adventure. Excellent. I managed to get all 3 kids fed, dressed, and brushed, as well as myself, and then threw together a diaper bag and a snack bag, grabbed our membership card, loaded the double stroller, got everyone buckled into the minivan, and off we went. Now, because we have a membership to Cosi and live here in Columbus, we make regular visits and usually stay for just a couple of hours. Since my niece was coming in from out of town, this particular trip became an all day affair. J and his cousin M had a blast together -- despite the fact that she is a girl -- and the little kids enjoyed all the cool stuff made just for them.
One funny story: We were up on the second floor near the suspended unicycle and I was shoveling a little bit of snack into the wee ones' mouths (as well as my own) when a bit of granola bar went flying over the barrier to the floor below. Totally my fault. As I tried to pretend it didn't happen, a dad stopped near us with a couple of kids as the mom continued to stroll by. She kept looking at us and then started urging the dad and kids to keep coming -- saying that it wasn't a good place to stop. I thought it was weird, but nothing more. She then came back to me looking a bit anxious and told me, "I'm so sorry. It's just that my kids have severe food allergies." Explains why she had been looking more at our food than at us, and it provided me with an interesting racial interaction. Strangely, it hadn't even crossed my mind that she was concerned about the color of my children. Does that make me naive? I don't know. But when she came back it was clear to me that she was worried that this is what I had thought of her, and she did not want that. She wanted me to know her true concern had nothing to do with us but with our scary granola. We did get some interesting looks that day -- mainly from people of color. Some smiled, some looked confused, but most paid us no mind. The stares usually come from children who are trying to figure us out. Good luck doing that!
So, other than having a stroller that proved to be both a help and a hinderance, I survived the whole freakin' day at Cosi with 3 kids. Pat me on the back and give me a cookie! It helped that the kids were totally awesome. They waited until we got home to turn back into little monstas. :)

A milestone.
Monday marks 4 months since we came home with the kiddos. It feels like it has been longer in the sense that I have reached the point of not being able to imagine life without them. They are finally becoming ingrained in our lives and our home, and I do feel a new normalcy kicking in. J still has his moments, but even he is making great progress toward the new norm. They are both so different than the little ones we brought home four months ago, and I can't wait to see what changes await us in the coming months.

one less equals bizarro

2008-03-18T14:42:00.002-04:00

On Friday evening, I uttered these words: "It's weird to have only 2 kids."

That night we met up with our good friend Jen who lives in Cincy and sent her home with J for the weekend. She had fun things planned (like Harry Potter camp!) and J was looking forward to his one-on-one time with his Aunt Jen. After they left and M and I walked around the outlet mall with just S and E, it seemed so strange and we missed J immediately. I think it told us a lot about how our family has changed.

On Saturday, I left the munchkins with M and headed to Hilliard for what amounted to a huge garage sale by CMOTC -- an organization of mothers to multiples. Since S seemed to suddenly grow out of her clothes overnight, I was feeling a little desperate for some 4T duds. I missed the "power hour" from 8-9, which meant I missed all of the really good stuff. (I passed all the other shoppers walking out with it as I was walking in.) Still, for $50 I took home a huge bag filled with shirts, pants, dresses, jumpers, and pjs. S enjoyed trying on every single piece and modeling it all in front of the mirror -- oh, she is SUCH a girl!

After shopping, I went to the library BY MYSELF and then I got my hair cut. No. I got my hair chopped off. Aaaaahhhh! Free at last!

Then, that night we took them to a local Mexican restaurant, and it was . . . interesting. The kids LOVED the food, and E sucked down two cups of milk. Then threw up. On M. Lovely. We then went home, cleaned him up and put them both to bed. That gave mom and dad some time to themselves for a little rest, relaxation and . . . and . . .taxes. Nothing like a little Turbo Tax to fire up your Saturday night.

Sunday finally arrived and we traveled to pick up J. All the bickering, name-calling, and "stop copying off of me" returned, but that was ok because things no longer felt strange, like someone was missing. Weird, huh?
:)

"I Can't Put My Arms Down!"

2008-03-09T20:31:00.003-04:00

BLIZZARD!! Yeah, sort of. We got a lot of snow, but I'm not sure I would really classify it as a blizzard. Would have been a great day to snuggle on the couch, watch a good movie and drink something hot. Did the Mumblerrr clan do that? Heck, no! When you have 3 kids and a ton of snow the last thing you do is snuggle on the couch.

We crammed each child into some long johns, snow pants, hats, gloves, and coats and tossed them in the nearest snow bank. Ok, not really. Actually, M went out and shoveled our deck in order to prevent a possible collapse -- just in case. In the process, he created Mt. Mumblerrr -- a snow-packed slope down the steps of the deck into the yard. In a word, it was awesome. When you live in the flatlands of central Ohio, any change in elevation is notable and appreciated. Using our cheap plastic orange sled with a rope that M and J bought on clearance when we lived in St. Louis, the kids went flying down our man-made hill with wreckless abandon. Yeah, mom and dad did, too. Not only did everyone have a blast in the blizzard, but we discovered that the way to get E to stop talking is to take him out in snow that is almost as high as he is tall. From the expression on his face, it looked like he was thinking, "Wow, this is soooo not Africa."

Of course, we did not stay outside all day. The rest of the day was essentially dedicated to two things: laundry and the discovery of J's room. Well, I guess it was more like discovering his floor, his table, his shelf, his bed. . . Everytime I walked in there, it looked like Legoland had exploded and a craft store had come to the rescue. Legos covered his floor and scraps of construction paper were everywhere. Markers, glue sticks, scissors, and other art supplies were crammed in with some toys under his computer table. We got to work by assigning ourselves one project at a time. He was amazed at some of the treasures we uncovered, and I was amazed at how much he let me throw away. I don't want to say J is a pack-rat, but J is a pack rat.
As for the laundry, well, that's a never-ending story, so I won't even start.

Sunday involved more sledding down Mt. Mumblerrr and a continuation of the laundry (yeah, it really never stops.) Have learned that school is closed on Monday for J, so say a few prayers for me as I play one-on-three defense while M is at work. Hey! Maybe we'll still have some of those snow banks! Let's put on those snowpants, kids. Good thing M brought home a box of brownies today.
:)

vote early, vote often (just kidding!)

2008-03-03T14:06:00.004-05:00

Normally, I don't use the blog to post on things political, but I had an interesting experience on Saturday and I want to share it.

First, I should say that I am a proud liberal who tends to vote dem. Wasn't always that way. Used to be more moderate, independent, and voted for candidates on both sides of the aisle. That ended in 2000. Please don't assume that because I am a liberal dem that I do not love my country, that I am not patriotic, and that I am not a person of faith. The exact opposite is true. It is because I love this country that I will stand up and voice my dissent.

Back when the dem candidates numbered more than 2, I was impressed with the line up of players and kept an open mind about my choice -- any of them being a vast improvement over the current POTUS. My fav tended to be Bill Richardson, but I didn't really think he had a chance. I liked Hillary's message and aggressiveness, but I worried about the fact that half the country seems to hate her. (I am one of those rare individuals who is ambivelant toward her -- don't love her; don't hate her.) Loved Barack but didn't know if people would seriously give him a chance. I have watched the primaries whittle the contestants down to two and have found the tight race exciting. I continued to be impressed by Obama but didn't rule out a possible Hillary selection. I felt that whichever one became the nominee I would be comfortable voting for them in the general. For various reasons, my support for Obama became stronger, and I knew that he would be the one I would vote for if the primaries still mattered come March 4.

So, here I am in Ohio -- standard political battleground -- in Columbus and the bombardment begins: phone ringing off the hook (I turned it off again today so don't try to call us on our house phone) and flyers flooding the mailbox. Hillary robo-calls; Barack uses real live people. Hillary drowns us in negative ads; Barack sticks to promoting his own campaign. I get emails from the Obama campaign encouraging me to vote early and they tell me when and where I can do that. So, guess what I did? I voted early and I voted for Obama.

Drove downtown to the Franklin County Board of Elections on Broad Street in Columbus and watched as people walked carrying Obama signs. I found a place to park (in the BOE parking lot, no less!) and got in line OUTSIDE in the cold. There were various local campaign people hanging around, and the most interesting were all the Obama campaigners. They were thanking us for waiting in the long line and telling us that coffee was on the way. Sure enough, before I FINALLY made to the front door of the BOE, a young woman stood there pouring Starbucks coffee.

During my 2-hour wait in line, I did a lot of observing and noticed some interesting things. My pasty whiteness was in the obvious minority, young people stood in line with the elderly, and people of various cultures/ethnicities were taking part. I found myself talking with an African-American woman who was about my age. She was raised in California but had lived in Ohio for about 10 years now. With her degree in chemistry, she was once a high school teacher, but she is now a stay-at-home mom. We talked about our kids, education, and eventually the greatness and importance of diversity -- beyond black and white. I debated whether to reveal that my children are adopted and of color. That is always a gamble when you are talking with strangers. But then as our conversation moved to kids resembling parents and relatives, I shared with her that ours do not because they are internationally adopted. She asked where they were from and expressed how incredibly cool she thought it was. We had a great conversation as we waited, waited and waited for our turn to vote. Then, an elderly black woman who was standing behind me asked my new friend about her hair, and suddenly I was in the middle of a discussion about doing and caring for African hair. I actually knew what they were talking about! What was great was that SAHM chemistry teacher turned to me and asked, "What about your daughter?" I laughed and shared how I had had to research and learn how to do her hair.
So, other than the poll worker who tried to skip over me because she thought that I was also a poll worker, my early voting experience was fabulous. Everyone seemed excited to be there, and I enjoyed conversing with complete strangers. When I walked out of the BOE and headed to my car, it was about almost 12:00 -- the time when the polls were to close for the day. The line was longer than ever. How cool is that?
Barack the Vote, y'all.

mumblerrr observations

2008-02-29T13:37:00.003-05:00

Ya know, sometimes you notice little things in life that you just feel the need to comment on. Here are some of mine:

1. Why do people troll the parking lot at the YMCA looking for a good parking place? Aren't you there to exercise?

2. In our previous life, we used to wash a load of whites, a load of darks, and a load of lights and jeans. We now have a whites, darks, grays, browns, girly pink-purple-aqua-fuschias and jeans. And it NEVER ends.

3. The more you want spring, the more it snows.

4. Just when the little one is falling asleep, the cat has to announce his presence with a big ol' MEOW!

5. The way to get someone to come for a visit is to turn the futon back into a couch.

6. Once you get attached to a product they discontinue it.

7. Minivans have a lot of compartments and gadgets. Some you don't discover until 3 months after you get it.

8. Don't answer the phone. It's just a politician you disagree with -- a recorded one at that.

9. It's amazing how much children always want something they cannot have. Hmm, I know adults who never outgrew that.

10. Finally, just wondering, are people actually going to vote for the next president based on lapel pins and middle names? Don't answer that. I'd rather keep drinking the kool-aid.

challenge #3: a little sleep here, please!

2008-02-26T11:05:00.003-05:00

Those who know me know that I like my sleep. In college, my roommate and I were often ridiculed for choosing naps over typical tomfoolery often exhibited by those of that age. I am now an adult with 3 kids. Two of them are sometimes difficult to get into bed and asleep at nighttime, but generally they go willingly and without too much fussing. Then, they sleep soundly through the night and often struggle to face the morning. Let's just say, morning people, not so much!

Then, there is E. Our youngest at 19 months. We try to to head upstairs to read books and rock-a-bye baby by 7:30. He usually goes down fairly easily. It's the staying there that is the problem. E may wake up 1, 2 or even 3 times in a night. Wouldn't be so bad if he were the kind of kid that you could go in and pat his back and whisper words of love and have him go right back to dreamland. Uh, yeah, again, not so much. The child stands up in his crib and cries for one of us to rescue him. He then demands to be picked up, held, and rocked until he falls into a deep sleep. Don't try to put him back down! No, no, no! Oh, and don't be fooled by the dozing with closed eyes. Just move a tad and watch those peepers fly open. You know, it wouldn't be so bad if this process only took 10, 15 or even 20 minutes, but it often takes him an hour or longer to actually fall completely back to sleep. And then get this: He wakes up anywhere between 5 and 7 in the morning all happy and giggly and full of energy. Not like we could sleep in anyway -- got a 2nd grader who needs to be up and at the bus stop by 8. It would just be nice if he woke up kind of slowly and quietly. Instead, it's more like having a lovable puppy wake you up when all you want to do is sleep -- lot's of wet sloppy kisses, running around, and cries of "mama, mama, mama!"

When J was a baby and had sleep issues -- he HATED his crib -- we put him in bed with us. Worked fine. E, however, thinks it is play time if he comes in with us. I've tried laying down on the floor by his crib (oh, now that's comfortable) but that wasn't good enough. He shares a room with S, who is in a twin bed, and there is no room for a recliner or other piece of comfy furniture. Sharing a room also means that we need to reduce the amount of vocal expression so that he doesn't wake up his sister.

The ironic part of all this is that back before E became attached to us he didn't want our help going back to sleep. In fact, he used to scoot into the corner of his crib and pretend we didn't exist. (Hey, maybe if I don't look at them, they will go away!) Well, now he is very well-attached and can't seem to do without mama or daddy when attempting to snooze. So, this really is a good thing even though it is creating bags under my eyes and making me quite cranky.

The big question is: How do I make it better? Shorten nap time during the day? Wear him out more so that he is just dog-tired? Encourage self-soothing even though it may keep the house awake for hours but possibly work in the long run? Just wait it out and it will get better with time?

Ok, help me out here and give me your solutions. How can we (ok, me, M and E) sleep better without jeopardizing attachment? (In other words, don't suggest Ferberizing. Not gonna do it. Also, moving his crib to our room really won't work as M gets up in the middle of the night to get ready for work. Besides, I don't think that will solve the pick-me-up problem.) Come on my cyber friends, help me get some sleep!
:)

on burritos, momentitos, and calling arizona

2008-02-21T13:09:00.005-05:00

Came home from a meeting the other night to find J and S having a blast in the family room. What was the their object of fun? An old bedsheet. We gave them a few sheets so that they could build forts and tents, etc. They get thrown behind the big purple chair where the kids like to hide out. But here was J rolling S up in the sheet and calling her a burrito. Of course, J needed his turn as a burrito, too. Then, he started doing the classic gym class parachute games. Hey, let's toss it in the air and you run under it! Hey, let's toss it up and pull it down while we sit inside! Oh, the joy of an ugly old sheet!

Then, J proceeded to make S giggle and say things like, "rock bottom" -- ?? -- yeah, I have no idea.

Scenes like this are becoming more common. (Thank you, God!) J is still struggling and we seem to have to constantly reassure him. We've started a new "game" with him to help encourage him to make progress, and if it is successful, we will share it. If it fails miserably, well, we'll just keep it to ourselves. So far this week, he is doing great with it. Instead of taking his frustrations out on the kids, he is bringing them to mom and dad -- the frustrations, not the kids. Are we on the right track? Let's hope.

Another neato thing from this week: S got to speak with one of her friends from the House of Hope! This sweet, sweet girl came home not too long ago and now lives in Arizona. (Not easy to explain "Arizona" to S. ) Listening to these two little girls who used to speak only in Amharic now chit chat with each other in English was something else. The conversation didn't last long. When you are 3.5 and 5, I don't think you really have much to say -- especially in limited language.

Speaking of language, E is starting to have a ton of sounds that represent words -- our challenge is to interpret those sounds. For example, is "Bah" bye? ball? butt? balloon? Well, in addition to all these one-syllable English expressions, he also has a multi-syllable Spanish word that comes out pretty well: momentito. It comes out something like, mah-mah-teet-toe, but it is very cute. Oh, and he also says "purple" and knows what it is. He's a genius!

Ok, gotta finish the cheesecake that M brought home from work. (Yeah, had to throw that out there.)
:)

what we don't have

2008-02-18T13:53:00.003-05:00

Hey, it's been awhile since I've been on here! Is anyone still out there? Are those crickets I hear?

I have a number of things swimming around in my head that I want to write about -- all of which I am sure the world will find incredibly fascinating and, therefore, must be shared. So where to begin? How about with a realization. . .

So, I'm rocking E to sleep last night and it dawns on me that it has been 5 months since we first learned of him. He was 14 months when we saw his picture back in September, and he is now 19 months. What a big boy he is becoming! As I gazed at his beautiful, precious face (made more precious by the fact that he was sleeping and not yelling) I suddenly thought of S and wondered what she looked like as a baby. We have no idea what she looked like before the age of 3 and we never will. No baby pictures.

But there is more than that. For neither child do we have memories of first steps, first teeth, first haircuts or other typical baby firsts. E is still babyish enough that we can get a sense of what he looked like in his infancy. Not so for S. Our 3.5 yo girl is so capable and independent that it is hard to imagine her as a helpless baby, and I'm finding it hard to develop a mental picture of her as a tiny tot.

So what happens down the road? The day will come when she will realize that we have no pictures of her as a baby. We have no stories of her as a baby. We have no things of hers from when she was a baby. We have . . . nothing of her as a baby. That's going to be a tough one.

All along I've been lamenting the fact that we have more background info on the little ones than we have for our big kid. I had completely overlooked that we have something for him that we don't have for S or even somewhat for E: Knowledge of his babyhood. Just as we have had to deal with some tough issues of loss with J, I know that we will do the same for S and E. It just may be that the issues will be a tad different.

As always, something to think about.

So you want more than one?

2008-02-08T08:42:00.000-05:00

You tell people you are adopting, and they are so excited for you. You tell people that you are requesting siblings, and they think you are losing your mind. Oh, they won't tell you that to your face (ok, maybe some will); instead, you get that look of shock and something like, "Wow!" or "Really?!" or some other non-committal word or phrase that tells you that they just can't process what you have said and give a positive response.

It is a big decision and should be thoroughly considered and researched. Only being home now about 2.5 months, we are far from being experts on the matter, but we can at least give our perspective for others to mull over.

Let's go way back. All they way back to those dreamy, romantic days before marriage. My friends and spouse will all tell you that I wanted a lot of kids. Five was my magic number, but I would go for four. M was more in the 3-4 range. You see, we are both from large families. Both of my parents come from very large families -- I have so many aunts, uncles and cousins that I still have to ask my mom who is who, and I could never identify them all. I always considered it an accomplishment if I could name my mom's 10 brothers and sisters, and I've never been able to name all of my dad's. I happen to be the baby of 4, and Mark is the 4th of 5 kids. So, for us, the idea of having 1 or 2 kids seemed all wrong.

Well, you know what they say about the best-laid plans. When the whole pregnancy thing didn't happen, we turned to adoption and became parents to our beloved J. We couldn't imagine that he would be an only child, but we also knew how difficult and expensive adoption can be. Then, there were job changes, moves, and issues cropping up in Guatemalan adoption. It took us until he was 5 to feel ready to begin the process again. As we began, we knew that it would probably be our last shot. Time and money would not be on our side. We felt blessed to have J and blessed at the chance for one more. No, two children didn't fit into the life scenario I had concocted in my head, but I knew we were lucky to have any children at all. We would be thankful for our two and move on.

Then, as most of you know, China adoption became extremely slow and frustrating. We often evaluated our options only to think that by the time we did anything that our China referral would come. At the 14 month mark, three things happened: China issued 2 days worth of referrals, our immigration paperwork needed renewal, and our agency became licensed in Ethiopia. Time again to re-evaluate. We realized that by switching we could request a sib set, have either gender, and expand our age range.

When adopting sibs, you are generally doing one homestudy, one dossier, and one CIS approval request. That also means one set of fees. Our agency has an additional child fee that it charges to help cover in-country costs, like visas, medical exams, etc. It is a small fraction of the cost of a complete adoption. So, one big advantage of adopting sibs is doing one set of paperwork and not paying for two complete and separate adoptions.

Another advantage when adopting sibs is that you are able to assure that you have children from the same country. International adoption is always changing, and just because you easily adopt from one country today does not mean you will be able to tomorrow.

Now, to the question that everyone wonders about: Is it hard? Here is how we look at it. Right now, yes, it can be hard. We went from one child to three, and there is no way that that is an easy thing to do. I am sure it is much easier to add one at a time. However, rather than look at just the difficulty of adjustment in the first 6 months to a year, we looked at a whole lifetime.
But that's not what you want to know. You want to know what makes it hard RIGHT NOW. Well here ya go:
--both children needing attachment attention at the same time.
--figuring out logistics of how to do simple things. For example, who gets their bath first?? Who gets strapped into their carseat first??
--needing a minivan.
--laundry, laundry, laundry (including the new load of girly pink clothes) and more laundry.
--sibling rivalry.
--food, toilet paper, paper towels, soap, lotion, detergent, etc., etc., etc. In other words, you need more of everything.
--sleep. It is tough enough to handle the sleep issues of one child. Even tougher dealing with two -- especially if they share a room and one wakes the other.

It's a lot of adjustment, and this doesn't take into account having other children in the home. (J has had his own adjustment issues that have spiced things up a bit.) However, with some planning, patience, and time, a new norm takes hold. Be sure of what you and your family can handle and prepare as much as possible. Also, be willing to accept help when you come home -- something that is often hard for me to do, but I'm very glad I did. Finally, put expectations (yours and others) aside and take things slowly. Live at the pace that best fits the adjustment of the children and don't force things you are not ready for. Eventually you will feel like you can turn things up a notch, but don't do it if you are not there yet.

Finally, I want to say that it was a great decision for us. I honestly can't imagine a smoother transition for our two kiddos. Did it help them to have each other? I think so. In many ways, I think the adjustment has been harder for us than for them, but I would prefer it that way. They've been through enough, don't you think?

So, if you are considering sibs, get yourself ready for extra work, extra exhaustion, extra fun, and extra hugs and kisses. Oh, and come up with a response for all those people who will think you are nuts.
:)
--

mumblerrr update

2008-02-05T08:45:00.000-05:00

News you can use. Well, not really. But, hey, maybe it will entertain you and help you feel better about your own existence in this world.

1. It's still potty time -- sort of. E has lost some of his enthusiasm for sitting on the potty. He still does it, and he still goes, but we're not getting informed of the need. That's ok. Having been through the trials of potty training a very reluctant child, I am THRILLED that he already knows what a potty is, how to use it, and isn't scared of it. Once the desire for big-boy undies hits, we're good.

2. S is in a tough spot being our "medium" child. (J came up with "medium" and I kind of like it. There tends to be such negativity connected to "middle" child, so we're going to say she's "medium".) You see, it is hard to know whether it is better to be like the cool big brother who gets to ride on a school bus or to be like the little brother who gets so much attention because he's the baby. During the day, I catch her saying things to E like, "Stop copying me!" and "E is a crybaby!" Hmmm. . . wonder where she learned that??? Then, the next thing I know she is babbling baby talk and showing me the food in her mouth. I guess when you are the rose between two sunflowers, it is hard to find the place where you can blossom in the light. Fortunately, since she is the only rose, I'm sure she will bloom into her own despite being medium.

3. We cleared up the, um, intestinal ickies that, um caused, um, such a poopin' problem. Apparently we were lucky -- only took one round of meds and they didn't share it. Can't tell you how much this has improved all of our lives. And by the way, have to say, Luvs diapers hold their own (and a whole lot more!) when compared to the industry leaders, Pampers and Huggies. Any diaper that can hold in what E required it to hold in while dealing with those ickies gets a ringing endorsement from the Mumblerrr. Pampers and Huggies did a great job too, but Luvs tend to be cheaper.

4. When we came home 2.5 months ago, we knew that the kids would want to touch everything. It was constant with the tv and the remotes. Well, S got over all that a long time ago, and she knows not to touch. E, however, cannot keep his little fingers off the buttons in the house. The tv is his favorite, along with the vcr and dvd player. When he can, he will run into the laundry room and hit the button on the washing machine. (It makes such a wonderful chiming sound!) Clock radios are another favorite, and do remember to keep all cell phones and remote controls out of his reach.

5. J requested another little brother. Yeah. Me thinks not.

6. Sleep. Yeah, I would like some of that. S is sleeping through the night as long as E doesn't wake her up. E generally tends to wake up once a night, and I have had a heck of a time getting him to sleep deep enough to lay him back down in his crib. Fortunately, he is now willing to sleep in our bed, so we are getting more sleep. Except for last night. He's got a horrendous cough, and he felt the need to toss and turn -- on me. Eventually, though, he conked out. Oh, and then he fell out of the bed. (M had already left for work.) Don't worry -- he landed on a pillow and barely woke up. (E, not M.) No harm, no foul. Hey, at least he didn't fall out of a bunkbed or have a top bunk fall on him. (Ask M about that childhood story!)

I'm sure there are more tidbits to share, but my sleep-deprived brain has run out of tales.

Upcoming program note: I plan to do a post on adopting sibs and one on adopting toddlers/preschoolers. I know that there are people out there wanting/needing the scoop on such endeavors.

Have a Super Tuesday!
:)

we are soooo not with it

2008-01-31T13:02:00.000-05:00

We're not rich. Not by a long shot -- especially after adopting 2 kids. So, when you come to our modest home, you won't find our tv hooked up to cable, a flat-panel hanging on the wall, or a Wii waiting to be played. Our desktop computer is over 4 years old (ancient!) and our digital camera is an inexpensive Kodak. I do have a reasonably-priced laptop which was bought specifically for school and our adoption trip. It has come in handy now that J is vying for computer time.

So why do I share all this? Because we recently found out that this makes for a "boring" life when you are a second grader. Welcome to the world of "Why Don't We Have All of the Stuff All the Kids at School Have?" What makes this interesting is that it isn't about wanting all the stuff because it is fun and we like it, but it is more about fitting in.

You see, when you don't have a big ol' honkin' tv connected to TimeWarner or DishNetwork, you don't get Disney or Nickleodeon or the Cartoon Network or MTV. Therefore, you don't get the movies, the shows, or the commercials. For years, we have been blissfully unaware of what we were missing, and we were more than content to let PBS play in the background. Suddenly, a spotlight is shining on all the ways that make us different, and it doesn't feel so good. Now, it is true that we don't even like some of the s-t-u-p-i-d stuff that others have, but that really isn't the point now, is it?

This turned into a big mom moment. As someone who grew up with waaaay less than my children have -- and not just because a lot of it hadn't been invented yet, it would have been easy to just cut him off with the command to suck it up and to be grateful for what he has, but again, not the point. He needed someone to listen to him, to sympathize with his plight, and to help him figure it out. What struck me was that it was one of our first conversations about "not following the crowd" and "do what you love." It even swayed into the "Just Say No" campaign. I got him to think of a couple of things that the other kids have or do that he would be interested in and that would be appropriate and affordable. In other words, find a couple of ways to "fit in" while you remain true to yourself.

It made me stop and wonder: If we were rich, would we buy all of that stuff? Or, would we use our money in a different way? I would like to think we would not give in to consumerism and what the Joneses have, but it is hard to say. What I do know is that I have a kid who, when he grows up, wants to be a microbiologist, a chef at Sugardaddy's, a Lego designer, a journalist, and President of the United States. (Yeah, I've told him that he can't legally be the last one.) He wants to be ALL of them, not one or the other. I know it is going to be hard for him during these years where it is so important to look like, act like, and be like everyone else. And, although he doesn't understand it now, the day will come when he will proudly proclaim his differences to the world in order to be set apart from all the sheeple out there. (Can we say "college scholarship" please??) But I truly hope that some of these parenting decisions and basic circumstances mold him and our other children into educated, independent, strong adults who think for themselves. The journey will be hard, but I think we will get there. With or without a wii.

aren't they cuuuuute????

2008-01-27T13:17:00.000-05:00

Let's see, I've had a request for pics of the kiddos. You have probably noticed that I do not post a lot of kid pics. One reason is that I really don't want a ton of photos of our children on the internet, but another reason is that I am a lousy photographer and rarely have the camera ready and in reach. However, one of our favorite teenagers, Hannah, took some awesome fotografias for us a few weeks ago, and we snapped some ourselves just yesterday in anticipation of our first post-placement report. So here you go. Enjoy!

These first 3 were taken by Hannah:

Now here are a few that I took. You'll see why I should leave the creative shooting to the cool kids who know what they are doing.

Fortunately, I have beautiful subjects to work with. Oh, I should probably mention that E and J went for haircuts shortly after this photo shoot, so now all of E's curls are gone. Still unbelievably adorable, and his eyes look even bigger.

Maybe I'm just seeing things that I want to see, but as I look at the pic of the three kids together, I can see physical similarities between J and the little ones. I made a point to show him because he's having a hard time with differences right now. We're in a phase of "different is bad, same is good" and he seemed to appreciate the likeness among them. Well, that's a topic for a whole 'nother post, so I won't get into it too much here.

Hope you enjoyed these mug shots of our beautiful babes. :)

60 days

2008-01-24T08:17:00.000-05:00

Two months ago today we arrived home in Columbus with two new children. I guess 2 months isn't a very long time, and it doesn't feel like it either, but I am amazed at the distance we have come.

First, I want to say that I am absolutely amazed at how well S and E have transitioned and adjusted to their new life. Yes, E wanted nothing to do with the mama for several days, and S had moments of sobbing grief, but it is like they totally get what is going on and they are all for it. Our days are not rainbows and puppy dogs. We have a toddler, a preschooler, and a second-grader, so how could they be? As parents, we are challenged daily, hourly, and by the minute, but we are hanging in there. Life is good.

I used to think I was so busy -- mom to a busy school-ager, wife, part-time instructor, blah, blah, blah. Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! And what's funny is that even when I think about what I did during the day today, it sounds so lame: Fed 3 kids breakfast, got J off to school, bathed E, got S and E dressed, hair done, dressed myself, made lunch, drove to Westerville for the kids to go to the eye doctor, did a load of laundry, vacuumed a couple of rooms. Doesn't sound like much. So why am I so exhausted?? I've decided that what is so tiring about raising 3 kids isn't just what I do PHYSICALLY, but it's also what I do MENTALLY. Trying to figure out what a 18-month-old is attempting to communicate is very draining. Throw in a 3-year-old with limited English mixed with a smidgen of Amharic and it is like spending your entire day working on a NY Times crossword puzzle. Oh, of course, there are also the behavioral issues to deal with: tantrums, sharing problems, whining and crying. And that's just me! :)

We still have paperwork to do and thank-you notes have been sitting around waiting to be written. Housework is never ending. Planning a day around meal times, nap times, and bus times provides some mental gymnastics, and picking up a 24-pounder and a 30-pounder has resulted in some interesting muscle discoveries.

Life has definitely changed in the last couple of months, and I am tired. But, thankfully, I can see and feel the calming and settling. Our family mobile became unbalanced and some shifting has been taking place to rebalance it. It may still tilt to one side or another a bit, but we will soon even out and turn in time together.

challenge #2: hair

2008-01-23T13:44:00.000-05:00

Often times, when a vanilla-colored person chooses to adopt a chocolate-hued little girl, one of the big worries is how to take care of and do her hair. African hair tends to have different needs and different methods for care and styling, and even those needs and methods can vary depending on the length and texture of your child's hair.

Before we brought the kids home, I did a bunch of research and tried to prepare myself for the task. While I certainly don't feel like a pro, I do feel like I can get S's hair done decently enough to take her out of the house.

So what is my challenge? E.

Yes, E. You see, S is very good about sitting down in front of PBS kids and watching tv or looking at a book or even doing her own mamush's hair while I work on hers. She's very patient and likes to help me keep track of all the hair doodads. Wonderful! Now add E. My 1.5-year-old toddler boy obviously is not so keen on the amount of attention that S gets during this time and the lack of attention he receives. So, while attempting to detangle, comb, condition, oil, brush, twist, braid, etc. his sister's hair, he insists on climbing on me, getting into the hair bucket, spreading the doodads everywhere, and causing general mayhem. Giving him a toy or book lasts for maybe a minute. He would much rather be between me and S's hair.

Because they are on similar schedules for eating and napping, and S tends to sleep later than E, there really isn't a time when I can do her hair without E in the room. The days that are the most challenging are the ones where I am having trouble with S's hair AND I have the "assistance" of little brother. Oy!

On the plus side, he really likes to help clean up the doodads when we're finished! Hey, I'll take whatever I can get.

This Mumblerrr challenge was brought to you today by detangling spray and the big Dannon yogurt container filled with little girl hair doodads in all styles and colors.

MLK Day

2008-01-21T09:12:00.000-05:00

I'm not old enough to say I remember Martin Luther King, Jr. or that I traveled on some great adventure to hear him speak. Still, I am old enough to know something more about the man than the mere fact that he had a dream. I do worry that as our society ages that that is all we will know.
Oh yeah, MLK, he was that really famous black man who had that "I have a dream" speech waaaay back in the 1960s, I think.
Ok. Good. Now, what was his dream? And how did he try to achieve it? Would you do the same?

I wonder what he would think about the progress of his dream? Are we judged on the content of our character and not the color of our skin? No. I don't think we are there yet, but I do believe we are closer. While I wasn't around when we were divided by drinking fountains, diner counters, and bus seats, I do remember being told about it and not really believing it. My dear 72-year-old mom loved to give me history lessons in the form of personal narratives. Growing up in the south, she told of listening to war reports around the family radio and remembering the day JKF was shot and what she was doing. When she described the life of segregation, I almost didn't believe her. As a child, I just couldn't wrap my head around the idea that the color of your skin determined which restroom you could use or what school you could attend. What did she mean that they had signs that said "Colored" above the drinking fountains? It all just sounded insane to me. Stories of the existence of the KKK and the idea that men dressed in white sheets, lit crosses on fire, and harassed and killed people scared the bujeebees out of me. I hated their hatred. Just imagine if we as a country didn't have the courage to change.

We are now at a point where interracial marriage with biracial children is common. One of the wealthiest people in our country is an African American woman with enormous power. Our top athletes and many of our most popular entertainers tend to be people of color, as do some of those who now occupy top government positions. In fact, as we all know, the highest office in the land is up for grabs, and an African American has a true opportunity to win it. I will be honest and say that I haven't chosen my candidate yet, but I am excited that my 3 brown children have a realistic chance of seeing someone besides an old white man in the White House sometime during their lifetime.

What would MLK think of all this? What would he think of two light-peach colored people raising 3 children of varying shades of beigey-brown? What would he think of a biracial man legitimately vying for the presidency of The United States of America? What would he think of New Orleans and Jena? Racial profiling and rap music? Oprah? Alex Rodriguez and Albert Pujols? The Muslims, Christians, Jews of today? I think he would love much of what we have done, but I think he would also continue to dream for all God's children.

can't find love?

2008-01-18T17:36:00.000-05:00

Everyone should marry for love. Right? That is what we are always told. After all, when you get married you not only marry the person, but you also marry his or her quirks, family, temperment, beliefs, etc. So, you really should love him or her because as they say, "Marriage is grand, but divorce is 20 grand."

Well, I'm going to add one exception to the love rule. If you can't marry for love, marry a pastry chef.

I'm super lucky. I married for love and THEN he turned into a pastry chef. Woooo Hoooo!!!

M is the executive chef for an online brownie company called Sugardaddy's Sumptuous Sweeties, and he makes the best brownies in the world. Just ask Bobby Flay -- the loser to Sugardaddy's on Throwdown with Bobby Flay on the Food Network. (Click on over to www.sugardaddys.com to see what I'm talking about.)

One of the cool things about being the bride of a brownie maker is that I get to be a taste tester. Everytime they decide to consider a new flavor or product, I get to try it and give my 2 cents. Normally, my 2 cents is worth about half that, but I do like to take credit for suggesting they have a nut-free brownie available. (Why must we insist on messing with the awesomeness of chocolate?? Unless you are adding more chocolate, leave it alone!!)

So guess what they are working on now??? Truffles and cheesecake!!! The truffles are made from the brownies, and the goal for the cheesecake is to have a truly terrific cheesecake that includes signature Sugardaddy's in it -- as part of the crust, for example. Let me tell you, there is nothing like having your husband come home with 3 slices of cheesecake and asking you to grab a fork and give your preference. (How many husbands want their wives to eat dessert AND voice their opinions??)

Tonight he walked in the door with truffles.

I love my life.
:)

challenge #1

2008-01-16T18:49:00.000-05:00

I've decided that I will occasionally post some of the challenges that pop up here at the homestead. Figured it will serve multiple purposes: let's me vent, gives you a glimpse at what we sometimes face, maybe we can get some feedback on dealing with the challenge, and perhaps best of all, you might get a giggle for the day.

Challenge #1 deals with potty time. Not mine. Theirs. You see, ever since E decided that he also wanted to sit on the potty, he has realized that it is a great way to get attention. So he uses it. The result of this is that S has also realized that it is an attention getter. What happens is that multiple times a day, one of them will announce to me that he or she needs to go potty, so instantly the other must go potty too. Having more than one bathroom in the house isn't really a help because I don't want to leave one alone to deal with the other -- especially E. I've taken to removing the toilet paper roll when he is pottying so that he doesn't turn it all into confetti.

I guess one-on-one time with the mama is so difficult to come by that they have to get it whenever and however they can -- even if that means trying to go when they don't need to go. I'm just thankful that J hasn't decided to get into the act.

That is Challenge #1. Brought to you today by Charmin, the numbers 1 and 2 and the letter P.
I'll share another some other time. There are plenty to choose from!
:)

rant follow-up

2008-01-12T18:46:00.000-05:00

To those who have inquired about using my previous ranting post, feel free to link it, print it, set it to music, whatever works for ya. Pass it around at the next office party or family gathering.

Also, we have come up with a response for that awful question, "Are they brother and sister?" referring to our Ethiopian son and daughter. From now on here is what we will say:

"Well, I guess so since we are the parents to all 3 of our kids."

If they persist with, "Oh, I meant are they biologically related."

We respond with, "Obviously biology and dna aren't important in our family." If we are feeling particularly bitchy we can add, "Why is it important to you?" or "Why do you need to know?"

I'll let you know how it goes.
:)

rant rant rant (sorry, it has to be done)

2008-01-11T19:29:00.000-05:00

When you become an adoptive parent, you become kind of sensitive to certain things. This may be especially true when your children are of a different race and culture because they tend to stand out and draw all kinds of unsolicited thoughts. There are certain questions, comments, and social situations that tend to put me on edge. I have to try to remember that those around me probably have no clue about which they speak. It becomes a delicate balance between educating them, ignoring them, and wanting to give up my pledge of peace.

For example, people who make comments and ask questions when kids are standing right there. The question that annoys me the most lately? "Are they brother and sister?" Um, yes. Just like they are also sibs to J who was born in Guatemala. But the big question I have is, "Why do you need to know? Why is it important for you to know?" And do you have any clue how that makes my older son feel when you ask that in front of him??

Or how about when people ask why they were given up. Again, any of your business???? It absolutely AMAZES me when people think it is ok to ask about their personal background. I have had people that I have literally just been introduced to ask me about their birth mother. Huhhhh??? Yes, they have one. That's all you need to know. If we want you to know more, we will be more open and tell you. If not, you are likely to get a very vague answer filled with generalities. Take the hint.

Next. When someone is in the process of adopting, has a referral, has brought their children home, whatever, don't tell them horror stories or express negativity. This is the equivalent of telling a pregnant woman tales of deformed babies and miscarriages. This just isn't helpful, and it ends up being hurtful. Keep your tales of corruption, disruption, and bad kids to yourself. Oh, and just because your best friend's cousin's co-worker adopted and told you all about it does not put you in the position of someone going through it or who has gone through it. Every question you feel the need to ask has more than likely already been considered and researched by the person adopting. For example, "What if you get an HIV baby?" "Won't it be hard to raise a child of color?" "Isn't it expensive to adopt?" "How would you know what you are going to get?" And NEVER EVER ask this one: "Can you give it back?" (I know some of you think I am being facetious, but people really do ask these questions.) Instead of giving the Potential Adoptive Parent the negative third degree, just express your support and tell them how happy you are for them. Find out if there is any way you can help and be a good listening post. Adoption can be hard and there is always something during the process to vent about.

Oh, and one more big, huge thing. Our children are not charity cases and we did not adopt them to "save" them. No kid needs to grow up with that kind of debt on their shoulders. Yeah, we should all be grateful to and for our parents, but it shouldn't be a bigger requirement for those adopted. We adopted because we wanted to be parents. Period. Please don't tell us or them how lucky THEY are. They have lost their birth family, their country, their culture, their language, and all that they knew to be true in their short lives. That's not lucky. Yes, they have gained a lot, but it will be up to them to determine over the course of their lives if it was worth it. Only they can determine their fortune. Only when you hold a child racked with grief for what they lost can you truly understand this, so just take my word for it.

Because our reason for adopting has always been so clear in my heart, my head still has a hard time wrapping itself around the appreciation of others. Why would others express their gratitude for how we have built our family? I have figured out that for some people what we have done seems just so extraordinary that they can't help but tell us so. Others wish they could do the same but can't for whatever reason. (And others are just fascinated by such craziness. It's one of those "wow" things that they would never ever imagine doing themselves. Too bad for them.) For us, being a part of a large adoption community makes what we have done seem usual and normal. So, thanks to those who tell us how wonderful we are. (Who wouldn't like that??) We are touched by your kind thoughts and sincere wishes. I apologize if I ever seem uncomfortable by it. It's just that sometimes it is like someone has complimented me for doing something ordinary, like wearing shoes or chewing gum. Um, yeah, it's great that I was able to put on my shoes today. Yes, both shoes are part of the same pair. Thanks for noticing and being so appreciative. (Weird, huh?)

If you have made it this far, well, you must either be an adoptive parent, a relative, or suffering from insomnia. It's quite a long rant, I know. Just stuff I've been meaning to get "down on paper" for awhile now. Thanks for reading. I feel better now.

take down those Christmas lights!

2008-01-07T11:39:00.000-05:00

Holidays are over. It's 2008. Everybody pack away the decorations and sweep up the pine needles. Go back to work, go back to school, go back to that exercise routine you abandoned last February. Start this new year right by taking the lights off your house and boxing up the inflatable snowman and santa clause. (Don't be surprised if I make this plea again in February. One of my pet peeves.)

I'm generally not one for resolutions, and this year I really one have one big goal: find a sense of normalcy and hold on tight. I feel like we are slowly getting there, but we still have more progress to make. I've read that it can take about 6 months to a year for kids to really settle in, and we are now about 1.5 months in.

It helps that we are getting some basic projects done around the house. For example, the office bedroom no longer looks like an abandoned room of an international holiday traveler. Oh, it was an aggravating mess, but no longer! It has taken over a month, but I think we have finally gotten everything put away.

Kids are pretty much on a routine now. (Let's not count last night's multiple wakings. Let's also hope it doesn't continue!) J is finally back to school today. He is still dealing with the upheaval in his life -- seems to think he is the only one in the world to ever become a big brother like this and nobody understands what it is like to have 2 little sibs. Sometimes, though, he forgets all the woe in his life and actually has fun with S and E. Like yesterday when we had Pajama Day here at home and had fun rolling around in the big bed with the cozy fleece sheets.

Well, we are having a crazy warm weather day today, and it is supposed to be warmer tomorrow. Perhaps a walk in the neighborhood with the double stroller is in order?? It will simply make me yearn for spring.

Oh, one more thing before I go:

O - H - I - O !!

(yes, all 3 of my children are wearing either scarlet and gray or an OSU shirt. It provided a great spelling lesson for S -- "Look sweetie, your shirt says, 'O-H-I-O' and mama's shirt, says 'O-H-I-O' and E's shirt says, 'O-H-I-O'." -- Just another learning opportunity to take advantage of!)

Go Buckeyes!
(don't crash and burn like you did last year!)

:)

we put the "multi" in "multicultural"

2008-01-04T21:37:00.000-05:00

Taking J to a COFLAC (Central Ohio Families of Latin American Children) gathering on Saturday. With a little Yahoo searching, I found this group dedicated to families with children adopted from Guatemala and other Latin American countries. Glad to have something for J -- a way for him to meet other kids like him.

It will be quite a job balancing the American/Latino/African cultures in our household, but we'll give it our best shot. Lately, of course, I feel like there has been quite an emphasis on the little Ethiopians in our family, so it feels good for this Guatemama to once again do something culture-based with her Guatebaby. Yeah, yeah, I know he's not technically a baby anymore, but he always will be for me.

Looking forward to seeing what he gets out of this gathering. Hope it goes well. They meet once a month, so this could be the start of something really cool for us. I'll fill y'all in later.

Adios,

:)

poopy post part 2

2008-01-01T10:46:00.000-05:00

You may have read my previous poopy post here. It is filled with lamentations about the amount of poo that we seem to have to deal with lately. Well, that hasn't changed in the past couple of days, BUT we do have some exciting poopy news for you all.

Our 17-month-old son, E, has decided it is time to use the potty. He has been wanting to sit on it like his big sis, and he has been resisting diapers. So, yesterday I went out and bought a little potty seat just to see how he would do. (Or should I say "do-do"? Ha! I crack myself up!) The seat is one of those 3-in-1 deals -- potty seat, potty ring for big potty, and then eventually a step-stool. I could have spent an extra $10 and gotten one with Winnie the POO on it (how appropriate) and I think it played music, but E seems to have enough motivation. I also got a pack of pull-ups just to see if he might find those more appealing than diapers.

Ok, so this morning he sat a couple of time with no results. I had decided on a once-every-hour approach, but he decided it should be more like once-every-twenty minutes. Then, whaaa-laaa!! He went pee-pee in the potty! (Did you know you can make this into a catchy little tune?) So, there was all kinds of excitement -- especially since he was able to still wear the same pull-up.

But wait! There's more! He indicated once more that he needed the potty, so upstairs we went. This time we could sing two songs: Pee-pee in the potty AND poopy in the potty!! Yes!! I couldn't believe it. After what we went through getting J potty-trained, this is a wonderful! Sure, it could just be a novelty to him that doesn't stick, but I am going to run with it. Let's hear it for becoming diaper-free in 2008!

(My apologies to E for the embarrassment this could cause him in his teenage years, but I just had to share my excitement for this accomplishment. Someday he can write embarrassing stuff about me on Facebook or MySpace, and then we can all go on Oprah or Dr. Phil to work out our issues.)

:)

hope you have a costco

2007-12-31T18:34:00.000-05:00

WARNING: Product endorsement coming your way!

Ok, I'm generally not one to use our blog to advertise the fab things we come across, but I just gotta do it this time.

Back story: We spent Christmas at M's brother's house in Brighton, Michigan. With our 2 new kids, we currently have the most "team members" in the clan. As a result, we were bestowed the privilege of sleeping in the master suite -- king-sized bed with a king-sized bathroom. The first night we realized what a bonus we really had: The sheets on the bed were to die for. They weren't just flannel sheets; it was more like they were soft, warm blankets. We loved, loved, loved them! According to our seester-in-law, they were flannel sheets from Costco. Well, you know where we were headed!

So, on Sunday M heads to Costco for said sheets. He calls me up with a little surprise. Not only do they have the totally groovy flannel sheets we were looking for, but they also had FLEECE sheets!!

Jesus, Jose, y Maria!!

Just to be safe we bought one of each. Last night we washed the fleece set and put them on the bed. As one who tends to freeze in the winter time and must go to bed dressed in layers and covered with a sheet, blanket and comforter, wrapping up in these sheets was heavenly! It is like wearing new soft footy pajamas. Wanna sleep naked in January when it is below zero? Go right ahead! Just have these fleece sheets on your bed.

Oh, and by the way, they are very, very reasonably priced.

Get thee to a Costco and splurge on a set of Life Comfort fleece. You will be glad you did!
Happy New Year from the Mumblerrrs!!

poopy-doopy-doo

2007-12-28T20:51:00.000-05:00

Poop, poop, and more poop. I honestly don't think I have ever dealt with so much poop in my life. Toddler poop, preschooler poop, kitty poop. Today I even sang a song about poop -- totally made up and silly but fun to sing. Just don't ask me to repeat it because I don't remember it.

While S is very well potty-trained, she still needs some "help" finishing up. E, of course, is still in diapers. (However, he is already requesting to sit on the potty! How cool is that?) I don't even want to talk about Willoughby right now. (He managed to get out of the basement while we were gone during Christmas, but he couldn't get himself back in. Guess where his litter box was.)

To top it all off, we took the kids for complete physicals and testing at the international adoption clinic through Columbus Children's Hospital, and so we are now having to collect stool samples -- poop in a tube. Oh, the joy of scraping toxic waste from a diaper or out of a potty! We even have a special trashcan in the garage just for the disposal of all the poopiness in its various forms.

I guess it sounds like we are having an extraordinary amount of poo around here, but it is really just the result of going from one child who no longer needs help in such ways to now having 2 children who do -- plus a cat with issues.

Well, that the poop, I mean, scoop from here. Time for bed. Mumblerrr out.

random mumbles

2007-12-19T07:49:00.000-05:00

Random thoughts:

**I think I am officially a soccer mom. We have a son who plays soccer, and we now own a minivan. Is that all you need?? Somebody let me know if there are more requirements.

**Nobody come to our house for awhile. Please. This week I have been experiencing life as a single mom to three as M works insane hours at Sugardaddy's. By insane, I mean that he leaves home around 3 p.m., gets home around 11 a.m. (yes, as in the next day), sleeps for a few hours, and then leaves again. While I seem to be doing ok kid-wise, my housekeeping is suffering a bit. I am one who cannot stand clutter, so there are parts of my house (like the kitchen island, the kitchen table, our bedroom) that are testing my ability to let things go. Oh, and do NOT go into J's room! Just don't. It should all get better soon, I hope. M comes home today.

**I saw a guy running yesterday, and I was jealous. I'm not a runner, but I am used to getting some heart-pumping exercise. Sure, lately I have been doing a lot of lifting, stair climbing, and carrying. A lot of great upper-body work. But, man, to spend an hour on an elliptical sounds FABULOUS right now!

**The kids are still good in stores. How long will that last? They were more animated yesterday, but still very well behaved. I just have to smile at all the moms yelling at their kids, and the kids who are having major meltdowns. Hmm. . . how soon until that is me? How soon until the kids have to stay home with dad when mom goes shopping??

**Our house is really loud these days. Like right now. It's such great fun to drop metal coasters on the table. Give it a try sometime!

get me some velcro

2007-12-16T12:17:00.000-05:00

Bonding and attaching. Many people think that these are the same thing, but they're not. Attachment is a much stronger form of a bond. Think of it this way: You and your favorite co-worker bond over a pizza and beer when you go out. You complain about work, gossip about other co-workers, etc. But would you tell that co-worker a deep dark secret? Would you confide in him/her your fears? Is this the person you call when you need someone? Probably not. Think of your mother. Your sister. Your best friend. Think of the person you trust with your life. That is attachment.

Adopted children may have different levels of attachment with their new parents. Some parents claim that attachment happened quickly and they have no issues in that regard. Others, however, need to seek professional help in order for attachment to happen. No matter what, it is something that adoptive parents have to work on from the beginning to ensure its success. Those who ignore signs of problems will end up facing much bigger issues later, and they will be harder to fix.

Part of the whole process is making sure that all of the caregiving is done by the parents. The child needs to learn that these new people will take care of him/her and they can be trusted to always be there. If not, they will go to anyone for anything, and that is a bad, bad thing. Unfortunately, those who are not in the know look at that behavior and say, "Oh look, she likes me! She's letting me hold her and carry her and feed her! What a good girl!"

Ugh! No! No! No! You see, the problem is that while it might seem so sweet and nice that the child will let Grandma, Aunt Sally, and mom's best friend do this, the child will probably also let the neighbor down the street, the stranger they have never met, or maybe even the psycho child predator that no one knows about.

So, it is super-duper important that these kiddos learn to identify with the parents as their sole caregivers for the first several weeks that they are home. They have to form that attachment of trust and understanding before they start going to others for diaper changes and feedings.
In a similar vein, it is important for adopted kids to cry. You see, many have been in an orphanage setting where their needs were not met when they cried, so they just stopped. Since crying is how little ones communicate, not crying is not good.

So, for all you out there who might have newly adopted children in your lives but aren't their parents, don't be offended if you can't care for the kids right away. Mom and Dad aren't being mean or selfish or over-protective. There are lots of ways to help out: Make a meal, clean something, do a load of laundry, shop for groceries, help organize all their stuff -- because they have a LOT of stuff. But when the little one needs a diaper change or the toddler needs the potty, take them to mom or dad. When they need to be fed, go ahead and find the food, but have mom or dad give it to them. Also, don't take the child out of the parent's sight until the parent indicates that it is ok.

For some it will happen quickly, but for others it will take longer. Right now, our little one will scream his head off, I'm sure, if someone other than mom or dad were to change his diaper. (Hey, he screamed at us the first few times, too!) But our 3 yo is different. She is an outgoing little girl who loves attention, and she is showing us she is willing to go to others. It is something we have to be careful with for awhile. It can be hard when you are cute and giggly and everybody loves you -- makes bonding easy, though.

I know that many of you reading this probably know all this stuff, but maybe some of you don't, so that's why I'm putting it out there. Adoption is complex and requires a lot of education and work. Thanks to all of you who help just by being there and understanding.
:)