johnny appleseed? ha.

A couple of weeks ago at work, a fellow co-worker went around and gave everyone a little plastic cup of dirt with a seed planted inside. It's supposed to be some sort of inspirational/metaphorical thingy -- cultivating relationships with our students is similar to growing and caring for a plant.

Yeah, that's nice. I, however, took the cup and just sighed. You see, this is something I have never been able to do. Never, ever, ever have I been able to grow something from a seed. Considering my mom can make a dead stick come to life, you would think I would have a bit of green thumb DNA in me. Nope.

Oh, and I'm serious about the dead stick. She took a stick from a former plant at a former residence and stuck it in the ground at her new house. It came back to life. This is the same woman who can cut a leaf off of a plant, stick it in a cup of water, and eventually turn it into small rain forest.

But not me. You know all those time in elementary school when they have you grow a bean? Never did it. Now, as a parent, all the times my kids come home and hand me their seed cup, it still doesn't happen. Once, Sofia had decorated a beautiful pot at preschool and brought it home filled with dirt and gave it to me. Sorry, kiddo, nothing will be sproutin' from there.

Now, I should say that I am perfectly capable of keeping plants alive and growing. I just can't make one burst out of a seed.

So, I sit at work with my cup full of dirt, while everyone around me oohs and aahhs at the green popping out of the soil in their cups. Some have even named the little sprigs. I'm thinking of taking in a fake flower and sticking it in my cup. I'll even water it and stick it in my sunny window.

Nothing like having your inabilities on display for everyone to see...

Isn't it ironic? Don't cha think?

So, there I am at the Y this morning kicking some elliptical ass when CNN starts showing coverage of the 8.8 earthquake in Chile. Crap. Not another one. Yes, another one.

As I watch the scenes from the rubble, I think of Haiti, and I think of the places in this world where it seems like poverty and devastation are the norm rather than the exception. Feelings of guilt begin to well up inside me. Why am I here in snowy central Ohio sweating with my ipod while there is work to be done out there? Shouldn't I be putting my hands and feet to use for those who could use them? How did I get so lucky to be here and not there?

Then CNN cuts to a commercial break. For Sandals. Yeah, you know the one -- the one with beautiful sandy beaches and clear blue water. The one with the tag line that says something about luxury being included. The one with rich pretty people playing and lazing around drinking froo-froo drinks with little paper umbrellas. Yeah. Nice juxtaposition.

That's our world, boys and girls.

How can one kid talk so much??

Elijah is 3 1/2 and he can't stop talking.

From the moment he opens his eyes until he closes them again, the child has something to say. It is amazing how much one little human person can talk so much about so little. A typical conversation goes something like this:

Eli: Mommy...?

Me: What?

(pause)

Eli: Mommy...?

Me: What????

Eli: I want...uh...I want...Can I watch a movie?

Me: Not right now. Maybe later.

Eli: Um...Um...Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's dad.

Me: Uh huh.

Eli: Can I watch a movie?

Me: Not right now.

Eli: Can I have a snack?

Me: You just finished second breakfast.

Eli: So, can I have a snack?

Me: No.

Eli: You said I'm mean!

And it goes on and on and on from there. I have had to tell him to simply stop talking and have quiet time. I try to remember that Sofia went through the exact same phase at this age and that it will pass. But right now, I think I am going insane.

cosmopolicrap

Do NOT read women's magazines. I don't care what it is -- Cosmo, Redbook, Glamour, Self. Do not read them. If there is one thing in our society (and there isn't just one thing; there are many things) that make women feel less than, it would be these poor excuses for informational resources. They do not truly exist to make you a better you. They exist to make money.

And how do you think they make their money? By capitalizing on our insecurities. How do they do that? Their advertisers. Who are their advertisers? All those companies who need to tell you that you are not pretty enough, thin enough, healthy enough, whatever enough so that you will buy their crap. To emphasize all of this, they use impossible to copy supermodels and actresses to schlep their brands. Photoshopped supermodels and actresses. I mean, c'mon! Why do we look at those pics and really believe that she is perfectly proportioned, with perfect hair and skin, and big boobs that don't droop? Sorry fellas, real boobs don't stand at attention without some help.

And have you every noticed that these magazines just recycle the same old shitty info month after month? Seriously, when does the core information they are spewing ever change? They are very good at connecting to the basic concerns of almost every woman and making us feel like they understand and care. They give us stories of women just like us, going through exactly what we are, and making us feel not so alone with our deficiencies. They give beauty advice so that we can fix all of our flaws. They tell us how to eat and exercise because we just aren't thin enough. Oh, and don't forget that we need to know how to dress from season to season because we just aren't smart enough to figure that out. And men? Are they really that complicated? And how much new sex advice can they possible come up with that's truly new and different?

And what if we did follow all of their advice? Would we be better? Perfect? Doubt it.

So, if you would like to improve your self-esteem a hundred-fold, don't buy them, read them, or even flip through them. That's my advice. And I didn't even need to use a supermodel to give it.

almost...made...it

It's December 31, 2009. In about 2.5 hours, this year will be over and 2010 will begin. I have almost made it through another holiday season.

I won't consider myself a survivor until all the decorations are put away and I'm driving on I-70 to work on Monday morning. Only then will I be able to say I truly made it.

As for this past year, I have been noticing something lately. A lot of people have been commenting on what an awful year it has been. When I think about it, I tend to agree -- 2009 sort of sucked. So, I decided that I need to stop and think about the good things that happened:

1) Way back in January I traveled to Guatemala with Josh. It was fabulous, and I can't wait to go back! That trip was a true gift.

2) My dad turned 80. Holy crap!

3) I applied for and got a full-time position at work. Woo hoo! Don't know about for the people who have to work with me now, but for me it has been great. Love it!

4) Got to go to Myrtle Beach for the first time. One should always be thankful for a beach vacation. Anyone want to go on another one with me?

5) Friends and family added more babies to our world. Love me some bebes!! (and love to hand them back!)

6) Birthdays -- I now have a 10-, 5-, and 3-year-old, and they amaze me everyday. I guess I'm not like most mothers who lament the passing of the baby years. Rather, I tend to celebrate their growth and progress and marvel at where they are now compared to a year ago. I do not miss diapers.

These are the big things, but there are many more little things that I won't list. Things like books and chocolate. As I move out of this year and into the next, I am going to try to concentrate on these big and little things and be thankful for them. Sure, the icky stuff will try to crowd them out (and will often succeed) but I'm really, really hoping for lots of non-icky stuff to fill my life and yours.

Better New Year!

dec 26

About a week before Halloween, I went to Meijer to get some remaining necessities for the big day. Things like costumes and glitter spray. Ya know, important stuff. Weird, though. Halloween stuff was dwindling and Christmas doodads were sprouting right next to it. I think that's when my holiday depression set in, and my desire for December 26 took hold. Believe it or not, not everyone loves this time of year. Some even dread it.

You see, I used to have a ton of time for the season. Once upon a time, I was a student and then an adjunct, and I was done with adult responsibilities at the beginning of December. There was nothing I had to do but revel in all the holiday goodness and cheer. Then I got a real job. And kids. Who the hell has time to shop, send cards, bake cookies, decorate, party, and be happy all at the same time?? Screw it.

Then I start thinking about what all of it is really supposed to mean. It's supposed to be Jesus' birthday, right? Well, it's not. Ok, but we'll pretend it is. Can you imagine what He must think? Why the hell are these people buying flat screen tvs and wiis for my birthday? Why are they stressing themselves out and making each other unhappy? Why are they getting drunk at their office parties and having sex in the coat room with Jane from Purchasing? Why are they making a big freakin' deal about people saying "Happy Holidays?" -- more on that in a moment. As a society, we have taken this one-day holiday and blown it into way more than I think He would ever want it to be. I mean, think about how much our economy depends on how much we BUY this time of year. Should a holiday celebrating the savior of a certain religion be based on commerce?? How f'd up is that?? And it seems to get worse and worse every year because we let it.

So, yeah, not a fan. And while I won't for the moment go into whatever religion label I do or don't attach to myself, I am very conscious of the fact that not everyone is a Christian and not all Christians find this time of year to be a happy one. If you know I celebrate it, and you wish me a Merry Christmas, then that is very nice of you! If you think I might be Jewish, and you wish me a Happy Hanukkah, fabulous! Happy Hanukkah to you, too! If you just aren't sure what brand of brainwash I might be sniffin' and want to say, "Happy Holidays" just to be safe, I will wish you the same and mentally thank you for being sensitive to something you don't know. Because quite honestly, I really doubt Jesus cares what greetings we bestow upon our neighbors as long as it is said with sincerity and kindness. I mean, somehow I doubt he is sitting on his Son of God throne and saying, "C'mon people. I am "Jesus the CHRIST" not "Jesus the HOLIDAY! Get it right!" (Hey, wait a minute -- maybe THAT is what the "H" stands for!)

You know those WWJD bracelets that were popular for awhile? I think they are awesome. Just wish people would actually stop and think about what Jesus WOULD actually do, say and think and try to emulate that.

So, as I claw my way through one more season where Jesus is supposedly the reason but nobody really acts like it, I am going to keep a low profile and hopefully re-emerge on Dec 26 with a new attitude and a sense of survival.

Happy Merry.

shall i do this again?

Hmm...my last post was way back in March. It is now December. Guess it has been awhile, huh? Also guessing no one out there is reading this, but that's ok. For some reason I am getting the writing bug again, and I remembered that I have this outlet for just that purpose.

But what is pushing me to come back here? I think it is just a need to express myself, and what better place to do that than my own blog spot?

So, I am back. For now. We'll see how it goes...