should YOU adopt a child?

As an adoptive parent, I often run across people who say something like, "I've always wanted to adopt." Or, "I've thought about doing that." Or, "Do you mind if I ask you questions about that? It's something I'm interested in doing myself."

And then there are those who have never considered it.

First of all, let me say that a very wide variety of people adopt. Young couples with no kids. Older parents with empty nests. Families with homegrown kids who want more children. Singles. Gay and lesbian couples -- if their states allow it. So no matter your situation, there have probably been others in the same situation who have gone before you.

So answer these questions:

1. Do you want to expand your family? Why?
2. Do you WANT a child or another child? Why?
3. Are you ready and able to learn about a whole new world and deal with the issues that come with it?
4. How do you feel about adoption? How does your extended family feel about it? Are you ready to handle criticism that could come?
5. How hung up are you on dna and "having a child of your own" to pass down your fabulous, flawless genes?
6. Does this apply to you?: "I just don't think I could love a child that isn't my own."
7. How do you feel about having a child that obviously doesn't look like you?
8. If you can't get pregnant, have you taken the time to grieve that and get past it? Are you willing and able to let it go? Will you see adoption as second-best?

If you think adoption is right for you, the next thing you need to do is research. Adoption is often compared to a roller coaster -- and for good reason. It has more ups and downs than the Beast, and it can throw you for a loop faster than Top Speed Dragster. Look at both domestic and international options and decide which fits you best. We were able to decide pretty quickly that we could handle the rigors of international, so that is the path we have pursued. But there are still choices to make after choosing between the domestic or international routes -- countries, states, agencies, etc., etc. There are a TON of websites and blogs to plow through for some self-study, not to mention lots of Yahoo groups and forums. Get out there and ask questions. Educate yourself.

And one last thing. If you are thinking about adopting so that you can "save" a child, don't. A child does not need to grow up feeling like a charity case to be pitied. He or she needs to grow up as a full-fledged son or daughter -- not your church project, not to help you look good in the eyes of God, not to convert them, and not solely to get them out of an impoverished situation. As I have said before, no one has the right to call my children "lucky." They have lost birth families, cultures, languages, countries, and personal histories. If I had lost all of that, I don't know that I would consider myself fortunate. Only they can decide if what they have gained outweighs what they have lost and declare themselves lucky or not. So, if saving a child is your motivation for adoption, please think again.

Ok, one more last thing. I'm sure this doesn't need to be said, but I will anyway. If you are, indeed, one of those people with a "pass down my genes" complex, then no, adoption is not for you. Just in case you were still wondering. ha.

Obviously I am a big advocate of building families through adoption and finding homes for children. However, that doesn't mean that I want everyone to do it. Quite honestly, some people would suck at it. But, for anyone out there that has been feeling that nudge, consider this permission to explore it -- there are kids out there who would love to call you mom and dad.