This is how I would like to respond to some people. None. Of. Your. Business. We are still getting that question that drives me crazy:
"So were they brother and sister? I mean, before you adopted them?"
NONE-YA!
Ok, I know I can be harsh at times, but I can't bring myself to give a mean, smart-ass response to these nice, well-meaning, nosey people. So, what I usually end up saying is something like this:
"Yes, but all 3 of my kids are brother and sister because they have the same parents now. Biology isn't important in our house."
This is my attempt to answer their question but to also let them know they are asking an inappropriate question. I mean, am I wrong here? Is there really any reason why someone I barely know (and often have just met) needs to know if my 2 youngest children are biologically related??
Makes me want to turn the tables on people. Something like, "Oh, do both of your biological children have the same father?" or "So were you able to get pregnant naturally or did you have to use fertility drugs?" I mean, can you imagine asking a single mom if both of her kids had the same dad? Or asking a preggers woman if she had a little help from Clomid?
So what about people who adopt 2 unrelated children at the same time. There are some agencies out there who will let families adopt 2 unrelated children from Ethiopia at the same time. There are various theories on whether this is a good idea or not, but I won't get into that now. I'm sure these people get the same none-ya-business question, and I am very curious about how they handle it. Also curious about how the nosey people respond when/if the AP says, no, they are not biological siblings. You see, I always get something like, "Oh, it is so nice that you could keep them together!" So, what does one say when the kids are not related? Gee, that's too bad? Oh, that must be hard? Or, do they manage to find something positive to say?
The lesson I have learned (and hope to pass on) is to think before you ask. It is hard to know what might be private info and what isn't. But it shouldn't be too hard to figure out what kind of info isn't really necessary for me to know. (That whole need-know-basis thing.) And I think a person's dna would fall into that category.
Ok. Done venting. Thanks for reading.
:)
Thursday, August 7, 2008
NONE-YA!
Posted by Decade 4.0 at 9:31 AM
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7 comments:
Okay, I will NEVER stop getting frustrated by that question. It drives me crazy too. I have two daughters adopted from Haiti and am always getting asked that. I finally have stopped giving an explanation and say Yes. Of course they are sisters. I know someone who responds with "why are you asking". I would like to say " why do you care, what possible concern is it of yours if my daughters are biologically related or not" but have not been brave enough yet. What makes it difficult for me is I find it is usually little, old ladies who ask that question and I am trying hard to understand how different foreign adoption is for that generation. So I temper the sarcastic comment I want to make and just answer yes. Thanks for addressing this!
Sharon
NONE-YA is my new WHATS UP! Love it, thanks.
Cheers,
The McGregors
I am a single parent of two girls adopted from Haiti and I often get asked if I will ever have "real" children. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT? Do my daughters look fake? It drives me crazy!
Yeah, it all depends on who is asking. This is like the people who feel free to comment on my weight/lack of it. How thin you are, so skinny, like a stick, blah blah. I never make comments like "Hey, quite the junk in the trunk you have there", or "How's that Weight Watcher's working out for ya?". Depending on who's asking, the blank stare, and the really puzzled "Deosn't matter, does it?" work well.
I've been following your blog because we're about to start the process for adoption in Ethiopia as well. We are considering a little girl around 3-4 years old. I was wondering how the adjustments has been for your daughter and if you think the transisiton would have been very different if she didn't have a sibling come home with her. Thank you.
Anonymous -- Congrats on your decision to adopt from Ethiopia, and a double congrats on adopting a preschooler! Your questions are great ones. First, let me respond specifically about our daughter. She is very bright and seemed to have a good understanding of what was happening. She was waiting for us to arrive. She is also very outgoing and extroverted. It seems like she can take any situation and find a way to make it work for her. I find her extraordinary! Her adjustment, I'm sure, has been much easier because she had E with her. We have been amazed at how well they adjusted to the enormous change in their lives. However, I think because of her personality that she would have done well on her own if she had been a single child -- not as a child who had been separated from her little brother.
I think it is best to prepare for all possible outcomes, but I know that we are not unusual with our easy attachment and bonding. These children waiting for families crave the love and attention! Good luck with your journey and have faith! You are sure to be blessed with an wonderful child you can't imagine being without.
two months home and I have received many questions that I feel like saying "None-ya!" to...great post.
yet some people have struck up some good adoption talks and tell me how it's been on their heart...I just don't want all those questions in front of my daughter when she is old enough to understand...I don't want her adoption to be her identity.
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