hope you have a costco

WARNING: Product endorsement coming your way!

Ok, I'm generally not one to use our blog to advertise the fab things we come across, but I just gotta do it this time.

Back story: We spent Christmas at M's brother's house in Brighton, Michigan. With our 2 new kids, we currently have the most "team members" in the clan. As a result, we were bestowed the privilege of sleeping in the master suite -- king-sized bed with a king-sized bathroom. The first night we realized what a bonus we really had: The sheets on the bed were to die for. They weren't just flannel sheets; it was more like they were soft, warm blankets. We loved, loved, loved them! According to our seester-in-law, they were flannel sheets from Costco. Well, you know where we were headed!

So, on Sunday M heads to Costco for said sheets. He calls me up with a little surprise. Not only do they have the totally groovy flannel sheets we were looking for, but they also had FLEECE sheets!!

Jesus, Jose, y Maria!!

Just to be safe we bought one of each. Last night we washed the fleece set and put them on the bed. As one who tends to freeze in the winter time and must go to bed dressed in layers and covered with a sheet, blanket and comforter, wrapping up in these sheets was heavenly! It is like wearing new soft footy pajamas. Wanna sleep naked in January when it is below zero? Go right ahead! Just have these fleece sheets on your bed.

Oh, and by the way, they are very, very reasonably priced.

Get thee to a Costco and splurge on a set of Life Comfort fleece. You will be glad you did!
Happy New Year from the Mumblerrrs!!

poopy-doopy-doo

Poop, poop, and more poop. I honestly don't think I have ever dealt with so much poop in my life. Toddler poop, preschooler poop, kitty poop. Today I even sang a song about poop -- totally made up and silly but fun to sing. Just don't ask me to repeat it because I don't remember it.

While S is very well potty-trained, she still needs some "help" finishing up. E, of course, is still in diapers. (However, he is already requesting to sit on the potty! How cool is that?) I don't even want to talk about Willoughby right now. (He managed to get out of the basement while we were gone during Christmas, but he couldn't get himself back in. Guess where his litter box was.)

To top it all off, we took the kids for complete physicals and testing at the international adoption clinic through Columbus Children's Hospital, and so we are now having to collect stool samples -- poop in a tube. Oh, the joy of scraping toxic waste from a diaper or out of a potty! We even have a special trashcan in the garage just for the disposal of all the poopiness in its various forms.

I guess it sounds like we are having an extraordinary amount of poo around here, but it is really just the result of going from one child who no longer needs help in such ways to now having 2 children who do -- plus a cat with issues.

Well, that the poop, I mean, scoop from here. Time for bed. Mumblerrr out.

random mumbles

Random thoughts:

**I think I am officially a soccer mom. We have a son who plays soccer, and we now own a minivan. Is that all you need?? Somebody let me know if there are more requirements.

**Nobody come to our house for awhile. Please. This week I have been experiencing life as a single mom to three as M works insane hours at Sugardaddy's. By insane, I mean that he leaves home around 3 p.m., gets home around 11 a.m. (yes, as in the next day), sleeps for a few hours, and then leaves again. While I seem to be doing ok kid-wise, my housekeeping is suffering a bit. I am one who cannot stand clutter, so there are parts of my house (like the kitchen island, the kitchen table, our bedroom) that are testing my ability to let things go. Oh, and do NOT go into J's room! Just don't. It should all get better soon, I hope. M comes home today.

**I saw a guy running yesterday, and I was jealous. I'm not a runner, but I am used to getting some heart-pumping exercise. Sure, lately I have been doing a lot of lifting, stair climbing, and carrying. A lot of great upper-body work. But, man, to spend an hour on an elliptical sounds FABULOUS right now!

**The kids are still good in stores. How long will that last? They were more animated yesterday, but still very well behaved. I just have to smile at all the moms yelling at their kids, and the kids who are having major meltdowns. Hmm. . . how soon until that is me? How soon until the kids have to stay home with dad when mom goes shopping??

**Our house is really loud these days. Like right now. It's such great fun to drop metal coasters on the table. Give it a try sometime!

get me some velcro

Bonding and attaching. Many people think that these are the same thing, but they're not. Attachment is a much stronger form of a bond. Think of it this way: You and your favorite co-worker bond over a pizza and beer when you go out. You complain about work, gossip about other co-workers, etc. But would you tell that co-worker a deep dark secret? Would you confide in him/her your fears? Is this the person you call when you need someone? Probably not. Think of your mother. Your sister. Your best friend. Think of the person you trust with your life. That is attachment.

Adopted children may have different levels of attachment with their new parents. Some parents claim that attachment happened quickly and they have no issues in that regard. Others, however, need to seek professional help in order for attachment to happen. No matter what, it is something that adoptive parents have to work on from the beginning to ensure its success. Those who ignore signs of problems will end up facing much bigger issues later, and they will be harder to fix.

Part of the whole process is making sure that all of the caregiving is done by the parents. The child needs to learn that these new people will take care of him/her and they can be trusted to always be there. If not, they will go to anyone for anything, and that is a bad, bad thing. Unfortunately, those who are not in the know look at that behavior and say, "Oh look, she likes me! She's letting me hold her and carry her and feed her! What a good girl!"

Ugh! No! No! No! You see, the problem is that while it might seem so sweet and nice that the child will let Grandma, Aunt Sally, and mom's best friend do this, the child will probably also let the neighbor down the street, the stranger they have never met, or maybe even the psycho child predator that no one knows about.

So, it is super-duper important that these kiddos learn to identify with the parents as their sole caregivers for the first several weeks that they are home. They have to form that attachment of trust and understanding before they start going to others for diaper changes and feedings.
In a similar vein, it is important for adopted kids to cry. You see, many have been in an orphanage setting where their needs were not met when they cried, so they just stopped. Since crying is how little ones communicate, not crying is not good.

So, for all you out there who might have newly adopted children in your lives but aren't their parents, don't be offended if you can't care for the kids right away. Mom and Dad aren't being mean or selfish or over-protective. There are lots of ways to help out: Make a meal, clean something, do a load of laundry, shop for groceries, help organize all their stuff -- because they have a LOT of stuff. But when the little one needs a diaper change or the toddler needs the potty, take them to mom or dad. When they need to be fed, go ahead and find the food, but have mom or dad give it to them. Also, don't take the child out of the parent's sight until the parent indicates that it is ok.

For some it will happen quickly, but for others it will take longer. Right now, our little one will scream his head off, I'm sure, if someone other than mom or dad were to change his diaper. (Hey, he screamed at us the first few times, too!) But our 3 yo is different. She is an outgoing little girl who loves attention, and she is showing us she is willing to go to others. It is something we have to be careful with for awhile. It can be hard when you are cute and giggly and everybody loves you -- makes bonding easy, though.

I know that many of you reading this probably know all this stuff, but maybe some of you don't, so that's why I'm putting it out there. Adoption is complex and requires a lot of education and work. Thanks to all of you who help just by being there and understanding.
:)

life in the slow lane

I'm working on a post with some additional thoughts about our trip, but it is taking some work so I've decided to move on for now. I'll post that one later. Instead, how about a bit of everyday life?

So how are things going?
What's life like now with 3 kids?
How's everybody sleeping?
Where is everybody sleeping?
How is J doing?

These are some of our typical questions. People seemed to be almost fascinated by what we've done. Adopting from Ethiopia. Adopting 2 kids from Ethiopia. Adopting a toddler and a preschooler. Going from 1 kid to 3. Maybe because we have been dealing with this mentally and emotionally for several months and now in reality for about a month, it just doesn't seem out of the realm of normalcy. Being a blog stalker, I know of many families who are in situations much, um, "stranger" than ours. They have many more kids, they adopt 3 at a time, the kids are school-agers, or maybe the child has a life-threatening illness. Sometimes single women (gasp!) turn their lives upside-down by adopting a child or two. So, I guess just as people are curious about our new family, I tend to be curious by their reactions.

Overall, things are going very well. One of my friends (yes, you Jen K.!) asked me a great question. She wanted to know if things were easier, harder or about what I expected. I was pleased to say that things were about what I expected. Of course, that was during the first week when M was home in the evenings. (It is crazy holiday time at Sugardaddy's.) For the last two weeks and for next week, he has been working the graveyard shift -- goes in at 3 in the afternoon and doesn't get home until 3 in the morning. That leaves me home alone with the kids in the afternoon and evening. Talk about trial by fire.

My biggest challenge has been J. It's like he has 2 new interactive toys that he hasn't quite figured out. E has a piercing scream and S has an annoying squealy whine. J manages to bring out these two wonderful qualities on a regular basis. He is getting better, but he has some work to do. My big question to him is, "How many times do you have to hear that noise before you stop what you are doing??" He has always seemed to think that when told to stop that it means to do it 5 more times.

My other challenge is that the two little ones tend to compete to be held. E has become a big mama's boy after treating me like a redheaded alien with two heads during that week in Ethiopia. S, after having my attention to herself for the most part, now has to share with little brother. As with J, the situation is getting better, but it has its moments. Things are usually much easier when dad is home to help divide and conquer -- unless they are both rejecting dad in favor of the mama. Fortunately, dad is quite charming and soon wins one or both over and my load lightens.

As for not going insane, here's what I decided: It is important to let things go. Is my house as orderly as I would like it to be? Nope, but it's not too bad. I've seen worse. Is the laundry piling up. Yep, but everyone still has clean clothes everyday. Have we put up a Christmas tree yet? Nah. That should happen this weekend. Am I able to project the image of perfection that every American woman/mother is supposed to have? Absolutely not. Don't think I ever did. What I am trying to do is live life at a slower pace than most in America. Transitions, attachment, routines all take time. We've been home for 3 weeks. So, no, we have not gone out and engaged in all kinds of cultural activities or signed them up for Amharic or English lessons. I did not send out Christmas cards with a pic of our beautiful new very multicultural family. Sorry. I have other priorities at the moment. Like spending time giggling with a little boy who has decided I can be his mama, or snuggling with a big boy while watching his favorite movie, or doing a little girl's hair so that it looks like I have a small clue about African hair. I have found that if I concentrate on these important things and let other things go -- no matter what those out there in our hurry-up, judgmental society think -- that I'm doing ok. It will be interesting to see how life evolves.

Well, I have a stinky boy who needs a diaper change. Just another one of those priorities. A smelly one, but one that "ranks" right up there often above all else.
:)

random ethiopia stuff

I thought before I leave the subject of traveling in Ethiopia that it might be a good idea to do one more post that includes some observations, stories, and maybe some tips. I know that some of you who read this are planning travel and might find some of it useful. If you've already been, please feel free to add any other thoughts in the comments section as I know that I won't remember everything I want to say. I think having a brain that currently borders on resembling swiss cheese at times gives me a pretty good excuse for my lack of memory. Having to referree (or maybe play zone defense?) three kids in the early a.m. also causes some issues.

These various thoughts are based on staying at the House of Hope, so some things will be a bit different for those at a hotel.

Let's see. . .

1. Yes, it is a warm country, but still plan to take pants and long sleeves. It does get cool in the morning and evening, but the afternoons get toasty. I never thought I would feel immodest in a pair of khakis and a short-sleeved shirt, but seeing everyone else with long sleeves made me feel a bit that way. When we were out and I saw a woman dressed more "western" (I actually saw one in a halter) I was taken aback. Funny how local sensibilities take hold in such a short time.

2. Not much dairy in Addis. I had some in my coffee once, but that was it.

3. We didn't have dessert after meals. If chocolate is one of your required food groups, take it with you.

4. Don't plan to do the driving yourself. CHI will get a driver for you and you will be eternally grateful. If you are not with CHI, I imagine your agency will do the same. If not, get one!

5. I had great hair in Addis. Really! I think it was the lack of humidity that gave me straighter more manageable hair, but maybe the ickies in the water helped out. Who knows?

6. Be prepared to see just about anything because you just might.

7. If you go to any of the museums, you will probably be searched. They may go through your bag and give you a "pat down" on the way in and on the way out.


8. Make sure your money is 2001 or newer. We did see someone's bill get rejected when getting our visas. Take more 50s and 100s than 20s.

9. Speaking of money, I had read that there would be an "exit fee" when we left, but we were never charged that.

10. When paying a driver or someone for an extra service (like a trip outside the city), make sure it is very clear from the beginning what the charge will be. Let's just say we had a little issue with that.

11. Get out of the city if you can. It is such a beautiful country; make sure to see some of it.

12. Don't forget to bring home some unroasted coffee! Just remember to declare it to customs.

leavin' on a jet plane (everybody sing!)

Wow. Where do the days go? Suddenly it is Sunday and I haven't written anything since Tuesday. Oh, yeah. I have 3 kids now. So, do you want to know about our last day in Ethiopia? A day that almost wasn't our last day? Ok, here ya go:

Friday, November 23, 2007:

We woke up on Friday with a sense of purpose and energy. We were leaving that evening to bring our kids home (home!!) and we had a busy agenda for the day. In addition to finishing some last minute packing, we needed to pass out some gifts for the House of Hope staff, do some shopping, take some pics, and finally say our goodbyes. We also needed the kids' visas from the embassy, but Tsegay was taking care of that for us.

We headed out with Abel and our translator friend to do some shopping. First stop was the bank to exchange some dollars for birr. Now, I have to admit that numbers have never been my thing, and even though I get that $100 was about 900 birr, I still had a hard time figuring out conversions. I just left it to M. Abel took us to a nice row of shops, and he carried our bags from place to place. I think we made some great purchases, but I now wish we had gotten more. Regrets, regrets.

One of the funny things about being some place like Addis is that white people really stick out. I found myself thinking, "Oh, look, another white person!" Like we were novelties or something. While we were shopping, we happened upon a white dad and his white son. Naturally, we struck up a conversation and found out they were also there adopting and were also leaving that evening. It was just kind of weird. Another time we were driving through town and I saw this young blonde woman dash from a store to a car, and I thought, "Wow, she looks out of place." Then I realized that that sentiment probably applies to me, too. (I'm not as young or as blonde, though.)

Before heading back to HoH, we stopped to buy some coffee. Not a Starbucks grande, no-fat, double-shot somethingorother, but unroasted Ethiopian coffee beans. Four pounds worth. Three kids and four bags of coffee coming home with us makes for a nice Ethiopian trip.

Got back to HoH and headed for lunch. I met with Tsegay in the dining room and he brought our sealed envelopes (don't open!!) and the visas for the kids. He also brought a story.

Apparently, the American Embassy in Addis Ababa experienced a bomb threat that morning. No biggie, right? Usually, not a biggie. Today, it was a biggie. You see, the embassy truly believes in TGIF and practices it by only working a half a day on Fridays. Tsegay was standing outside the embassy waiting for the all clear and the hours kept passing him by. Finally, at 11:30 he was able to enter the embassy and found a clerk who was willing to help him. He walked out at 11:45 -- 15 minutes before the embassy would close for the day. Otherwise, we would have been there until at least Monday. Can I just say that it is one of those things I am glad I didn't know about until it was over?

We rounded out the afternoon with some gift-giving, picture-taking, and an early dinner. Finally, it was time to head to the airport. Not easy. Ephrim, our driver, was wonderful and helped us load up and get the kids in the car. He couldn't, however, keep everyone from crying. Because our kids had been there since July, I think it was extra hard on everyone to see them go. For their part, the kids seemed to do ok. Very quiet, but ok.

I again won't bore you with travel details, but I will say that the flight went well. The kids did a great job -- except for S and the seatbelt, but a nice Ethiopian family helped us with that. Somehow, we made it to D.C., made it through immigration, made it through customs, got our bags, got to our gate, ate some food, and hung out until our plane arrived. Ok, so S had a meltdown during that part of the wait, but who could blame her? Here's a good pic of a calmer time:

Before long, we were back in Columbus and heading home.

Wow.

We did it.

Now we just have to keep it going.

:)

Next up: A new life with 3 kids.

the day of all days

Sorry it has taken me awhile to get back to our adventure. It has been a busy week.
It is now time to write about the day of all days. While I am going to be very honest about this day, I am also going to keep certain details private. Here we go. . .

Thursday, November 22, 2007:

On Wednesday evening, we were told of a change in our plans. Instead of Ephrim driving us, we would have someone else plus a translator. Also, we would leave at 6 a.m. sharp. (Now, would this be the American 6 a.m. sharp or the Ethiopian version?) After a full day on Wednesday and difficulty with the kids at bedime, I will admit that my heart wasn't into this trip. We would be leaving very early for a 3+ hour journey with two small children and riding with people we didn't know. At that moment, I truly didn't want to go. It was building up as a possible nightmarish event. But what could we do? This was a once-in-a-lifetime trip and the birthmother would be waiting. No choice. I was up at 4:30 to get myself ready just in case we were really leaving at 6 a.m.

We didn't. It was closer to 6:30, but for Ethiopian time that was pretty good. We climbed into a minibus with our kids, Tsegay's wife, Almaz, the driver and the driver's friend. Before we left Addis, we needed to pick up the translator, who happened to be a friend of Almaz. Then, we headed out of town.

The Ethiopian countryside is beautiful. M and I kept saying, "We only see this on tv or magazines!" Granted, the poverty is still evident, especially in the small towns and villages that we would roll through. Occasionally we would notice a wrecked, burned out minibus on the side of the road --kind of like the one we were in. M and I made up stories to ease our minds about how everyone survived, no injuries. We also had to slow down for the occasional cattle crossing.





It was during this trip that E finally paid some attention to me -- actual eye contact!! Not only that, he SMILED at me! Oh such progress. S, of the other hand, was busy being carsick.

We finally made it to our destination town and stopped at a local hotel for breakfast. I had some toast with tea and worried about the water in the tea -- bottled water didn't seem to be offered as this wasn't a very touristy area. Oh, how I was hoping that all the ickies had been boiled away! Being a bit nervous about the whole day, I only managed one piece of toast (wonderful bread!) and a few sips of tea hoping that Montezuma (sp?) wouldn't find me in Ethiopia. Then, we were finally on our way to the orphanage.


When we arrived, we were directed to the inside of the main room of the orphanage where there were people there to greet us. As I was greeting a woman in the traditional way, I was told she was the mother. Oh my goodness! I wasn't ready! And standing behind her ready to be greeted was the grandmother! Double oh my goodness! Talk about an awkward moment. We sat down for a few minutes before taking a tour of the orphanage. We went into the room where the children slept and saw the beds that were once used by S and E. Other beds were occupied by little infants, including one that was only a month old. I instantly thought of our newest niece, Abigail, and how she had come into this world so differently. I wanted to grab up this littlest one, hold her close, take her home, and put her in a safe, proper crib. She was so tiny! Another baby being tended to was giving us sweet smiles, and another was busy kicking covers off and giving us a peek at his little tushy. Oops!

We then went to tour the other building and see the pretty flower garden. It really was a nice spot. Sometime during all of this seeing and greeting, we had a coffee ceremony and a few minutes with the mother and grandmother. They were happy to consent to some pictures, and we learned some information that was actually different than what we had originally been told. The one thing I wish I had done was to go with a few prepared questions to have the translator ask their mother. I had imagined conversation just naturally happening between us, but in reality the meeting felt too awkward for that to happen. For our part, we worried about what they were thinking of us, these Americans coming to take their children. I'm guessing they had similar but opposite worries -- what must these Americans think of us giving up our children? As a result, we often had uncomfortable silence. The automatic bond I had hoped for didn't materialize.

Before long, we were told it was time to go. We all gathered outside for goodbyes. As I once again went to the mother, I wanted to put my arms around her and hug her tight, but I wasn't sure how that would be received. I held back and settled for the traditional. As I walked away, my throat closed up and the tears came. I had worked so hard on this trip not to cry because I was afraid that if I started that I would not be able to stop. True enough, but it couldn't be helped.

I then felt a little foolish for my emotions as the family climbed into the minibus with us -- we were giving them a ride back to their town. The awkwardness continued for several miles until we finally reached their drop-off point. We pulled off to the side of the road to let them out and to wait for other people we were driving to Addis. As we waited, neighbors and family members came to say goodbye to the kids and wave to us. Woweeewowow, really uncomfortable as all we could do was sit there and wait. I waited for major breakdowns (from either the adults or the children) but it didn't happen. After many minutes, the door was closed and we started to pull away. I continued to wave and looked for their mother. She found me and gave me a big wave and a smile. In that last instant, I felt the connection I had hoped for. A moment now burned into my heart.

With a sigh of relief we started our long journey back to Addis. That sigh of relief didn't last long: it was now very hot and we were holding two very warm children. S slept for most of the trip on my lap as I wiped the sweat off her face. The driver blasted the same tunes over and over -- the speaker was back by us, so he had to turn it up to hear. Traffic was heavier, so the trip was slower going back than coming. Somehow, we made it back to the House of Hope in good shape -- just sweaty and a bit weary. There was food waiting for us, and we here happy for it. The best part of the evening? E decided he wanted me, the mama. For some unknown reason, I became his one and only -- not the security guy, not the driver, not dad. Me, me, me! I ate it up!!

Good thing I did. By the next morning he was done with me. Back to dad.
Only one more day in Addis. A little shopping, some packing, and visas to get the kids out of Africa and into America. What could possibly go wrong? Or almost wrong. . .

need me some pepto

Tuesday, November 20, 2007:

Let's call this our down day. Since I was feeling a tad crummy in the tummy, we chose not to go on an extended city tour. (Oh, just the thought of getting in the car gave me the oogies.) Instead, it was paperwork day. With our embassy appointment on Wednesday, we needed to make sure we had everything in order. So, that morning I sat down with Tsegay and went through it all. I loved it every time he said, "No, you don't need that one."

We'll move on to a more exciting day.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007:

Embassy Day!! But not until 3:30 in the afternoon, so we went on a couple of adventures with another CHI family. First stop was the National Museum -- the place Lucy is normally kept when she isn't touring the United States. Go figure. Quite an interesting place. It was nice to have both Ephraim and our other driver, Abel, along to help explain some of the displays. I think they were proud to present their country and culture to us.

Our second stop was the Ethiopian Orthodox Museum. We were waiting outside when we saw some important looking people standing about. One was in white robes and hat and seemed to be the center of attention. Someone said, "I wonder if he's someone important." M commented, "Well, considering his picture is on that billboard behind him, I would say, yes, he must be important." He was the Orthodox patriarch -- their Pope.

After a bit of a wait, we made it into the museum gallery. Normally, it is at least a 2 hour tour, but we only had an hour to spare. Our tour guide chose to cram the whole thing into an hour by talking reaaaallly reaaallly fast instead of just giving the highlights. It was fascinating information, but you had to fully concentrate to follow along. Not easy to do when you aren't feeling the greatest and you have little children to attend to. Definitely something to take in, but more time is highly recommended.

After we made our way back to House of Hope, we quickly changed and prepared for our journey to the Embassy. I sat up front this time, and that actually seemed to help a bit. I think it was because I spent a lot of the drive turned toward the back talking to Tsegay. It took my attention away from what was going on outside my window. Anyway, we arrived at the Embassy, made our way through two security points -- sampling the water in the sippy cup to prove we weren't carrying liquid explosives, and found the room we needed to be in. Picture a smaller, nicer version of a BMV. After a short wait, we were called up to the window. Sign here, sign there, answer this question, that question, raise your right hand and say I do. Easy as cake, piece of pie. She gave us copies of documents and we were on our way. Actually, we were on our way to a small courtyard area while we waited for the other family to finish.

As we made our way back outside and crossed the street, a crowd of school children were walking home. I felt like a celebrity. The kids looked and whispered to each other, giving us smiles. When I was standing by the car, holding S and waiting to get in, kids came up to shake my hand. It was so sweet and a little funny. I think that was my five minutes of fame for my lifetime.

We made it back to House of Hope for dinner and settled in for bed. It wasn't an easy task since S had a long moment of grief and sobbed herself to sleep. Reality was setting in, I think, and there was little I could do but hold her while she cried. Our little 3-year-old was experiencing quite a bit, and there is only so much emotion that can be kept in.

The next day we were scheduled to travel to the kids' first orphanage -- a good 3 hours away -- and meet their birthmom. I was more than a little nervous, especially since the kids were coming with us.

How did it go? I'm not sure my words will do it justice, but I will give it a shot. Later. Stay tuned.

:)