almost...made...it

It's December 31, 2009. In about 2.5 hours, this year will be over and 2010 will begin. I have almost made it through another holiday season.

I won't consider myself a survivor until all the decorations are put away and I'm driving on I-70 to work on Monday morning. Only then will I be able to say I truly made it.

As for this past year, I have been noticing something lately. A lot of people have been commenting on what an awful year it has been. When I think about it, I tend to agree -- 2009 sort of sucked. So, I decided that I need to stop and think about the good things that happened:

1) Way back in January I traveled to Guatemala with Josh. It was fabulous, and I can't wait to go back! That trip was a true gift.

2) My dad turned 80. Holy crap!

3) I applied for and got a full-time position at work. Woo hoo! Don't know about for the people who have to work with me now, but for me it has been great. Love it!

4) Got to go to Myrtle Beach for the first time. One should always be thankful for a beach vacation. Anyone want to go on another one with me?

5) Friends and family added more babies to our world. Love me some bebes!! (and love to hand them back!)

6) Birthdays -- I now have a 10-, 5-, and 3-year-old, and they amaze me everyday. I guess I'm not like most mothers who lament the passing of the baby years. Rather, I tend to celebrate their growth and progress and marvel at where they are now compared to a year ago. I do not miss diapers.

These are the big things, but there are many more little things that I won't list. Things like books and chocolate. As I move out of this year and into the next, I am going to try to concentrate on these big and little things and be thankful for them. Sure, the icky stuff will try to crowd them out (and will often succeed) but I'm really, really hoping for lots of non-icky stuff to fill my life and yours.

Better New Year!

dec 26

About a week before Halloween, I went to Meijer to get some remaining necessities for the big day. Things like costumes and glitter spray. Ya know, important stuff. Weird, though. Halloween stuff was dwindling and Christmas doodads were sprouting right next to it. I think that's when my holiday depression set in, and my desire for December 26 took hold. Believe it or not, not everyone loves this time of year. Some even dread it.

You see, I used to have a ton of time for the season. Once upon a time, I was a student and then an adjunct, and I was done with adult responsibilities at the beginning of December. There was nothing I had to do but revel in all the holiday goodness and cheer. Then I got a real job. And kids. Who the hell has time to shop, send cards, bake cookies, decorate, party, and be happy all at the same time?? Screw it.

Then I start thinking about what all of it is really supposed to mean. It's supposed to be Jesus' birthday, right? Well, it's not. Ok, but we'll pretend it is. Can you imagine what He must think? Why the hell are these people buying flat screen tvs and wiis for my birthday? Why are they stressing themselves out and making each other unhappy? Why are they getting drunk at their office parties and having sex in the coat room with Jane from Purchasing? Why are they making a big freakin' deal about people saying "Happy Holidays?" -- more on that in a moment. As a society, we have taken this one-day holiday and blown it into way more than I think He would ever want it to be. I mean, think about how much our economy depends on how much we BUY this time of year. Should a holiday celebrating the savior of a certain religion be based on commerce?? How f'd up is that?? And it seems to get worse and worse every year because we let it.

So, yeah, not a fan. And while I won't for the moment go into whatever religion label I do or don't attach to myself, I am very conscious of the fact that not everyone is a Christian and not all Christians find this time of year to be a happy one. If you know I celebrate it, and you wish me a Merry Christmas, then that is very nice of you! If you think I might be Jewish, and you wish me a Happy Hanukkah, fabulous! Happy Hanukkah to you, too! If you just aren't sure what brand of brainwash I might be sniffin' and want to say, "Happy Holidays" just to be safe, I will wish you the same and mentally thank you for being sensitive to something you don't know. Because quite honestly, I really doubt Jesus cares what greetings we bestow upon our neighbors as long as it is said with sincerity and kindness. I mean, somehow I doubt he is sitting on his Son of God throne and saying, "C'mon people. I am "Jesus the CHRIST" not "Jesus the HOLIDAY! Get it right!" (Hey, wait a minute -- maybe THAT is what the "H" stands for!)

You know those WWJD bracelets that were popular for awhile? I think they are awesome. Just wish people would actually stop and think about what Jesus WOULD actually do, say and think and try to emulate that.

So, as I claw my way through one more season where Jesus is supposedly the reason but nobody really acts like it, I am going to keep a low profile and hopefully re-emerge on Dec 26 with a new attitude and a sense of survival.

Happy Merry.

shall i do this again?

Hmm...my last post was way back in March. It is now December. Guess it has been awhile, huh? Also guessing no one out there is reading this, but that's ok. For some reason I am getting the writing bug again, and I remembered that I have this outlet for just that purpose.

But what is pushing me to come back here? I think it is just a need to express myself, and what better place to do that than my own blog spot?

So, I am back. For now. We'll see how it goes...

another side of the story

Just read:

http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2009/03/breaking-silence-on-living-pro-lifers.html

It's My Turn to Pick a Movie!!

Most people who know us know that we do not have cable. Haven't had it since July 1997 and have no intention of getting it any time soon. When our tv is on, it is usually tuned to either PBS or a movie. (Well, there was the one night when I walked into the room to see Desperate Housewives on the flat screen and J sitting on the couch. Oops.)

So, while it is great to be able to say that we don't watch a lot of tv, the reality is that we do watch a lot of movies. Yeah, the same ones all the time because the kids pick, and kids can somehow watch the same freakin' thing a million times in a row without their ears and eyes bleeding profusely. They are so resilient. I, on the other hand, have developed and polished my ability to tune things out. I just might be able to match inattentiveness with any man out there! (ha!)

What I have noticed, unfortunately, is that E, who used to be able to sit and watch maybe 10 minutes of a movie before needing to move on to more exciting activities, now can become absorbed into the action. The child will put a chair in the middle of the family room, sit down, and watch a movie. As all moms know, this cuts both ways: Hallelujah! My child is being quiet and entertained without me! Oh crap! My child's brain is turning to mush with the electronic babysitter!

It is fun to watch him act out scenes later or to hear him talk about how much he likes the girl in the movie. Oh, we love Carmen in Spy kids! And sparkly pencils make great wands. Petrificus Totalis! Yes, E goes around and tries to petrify all of us in the house.

The one consolation is knowing that as the weather warms up that this won't really be an issue as the kids will be outside playing much more. So, instead, I will be thinking: Hallelujah! My kids are outside getting exercise and having fun! Oh crap! My kids are outside getting dirty, scraping knees, and staining their clothes! A ring around the bathtub every night!

But, at least then maybe I will get to watch a movie.
:)

picture tag

So, I'm over at the McGregor Journey catching up on their New York life -- I love living vicariously -- when I get to the "Picture Tag" post. I am totally getting the "my-blog-is-suffering-because-of-Facebook" addiction, and I love the pic that Jo puts up for her tag: very cool. I keep scrolling down and found out that she tagged me! Why that little . . . :)

Apparently, you are supposed to go to your 4th picture folder and pick out the 4th picture and post it. You then tag 4 people. Hey, simple! I like that. (The ones where you are supposed to tag 25 of your closest friends -- wth??)

So, while my 4th pic in my 4th folder isn't as cool as Ash's mom's pic, I do think it is pretty darn adorable:



This is E home for 3.5 weeks. So, he would have been about 17 months at that time -- now he's 2.5! Oh my. Love my baby boy.

So, who shall I tag? How about:

Kevin and Stacie
Jill's Expedition
Mamushky's World Headquarters
Raising the Divine Miss M

Goin' to Guat -- Day 3

Day 3 was picture day. Since we spent Day 2 shopping, I decided we needed to load up the camera with images. Above are just a few from that day. As someone who has never been good with cameras and picture-taking or managing to get everything back home, I was very happy to come home with what we did. (Classic picture history: Lost our camera coming home from our honeymoon in Hawaii. Yeah, that's right. No pics of our honeymoon. The other time was our trip to Nassau. Something bad happened to our memory card and wiped out all the pics on it. Fortunately, J had taken some on our old film camera. To say I was a bit paranoid about our digital memories surviving this trip is an understatement.)

J was not so thrilled with walking around all day, and he gave a big sigh and groan whenever I stopped to snap a pic. He survived, though.

The highlight of the day was finding the restaurant Cafe Sky. A casual place with rooftop dining, they served breakfast all day! We went for lunch and marveled at the view while eating our eggs and pancakes. Loved it so much we decided to go back for dinner that evening. Unfortunately, it was a little more crowded, and we ended up near a trio with potty mouths. Now tell me, does every effin' sentence have to be littered with effin' curse words?? Ugh! Anyway, this was one time when I really struggled with my Spanish with the server. We just weren't understanding each other.

The secondary highlight of the day was our trip to the jade factory near our hotel. I used to have a silver ring that I bought in Mexico, but I was constantly losing it, and then one day I lost it for good. Loved that ring. Figured that now would be a good time to replace it, so we went looking for a new ring for the mama. I found a pretty silver ring with a ball of dark green on top. Also found a pair of beautiful silver and jade earrings, and, strangely enough, a pound of Guatemalan coffee to take back to M. (Yes, I bought jewelry for myself and coffee for M.)

Eventually, we ended up back at the hotel for the evening. Found a fun kid movie on Nick and settled in for the night. We were pretty much packed and ready for our 9:00 a.m. departure the next day. The big question at that point was: Would it be fireworks or a party keeping me awake tonight?

Fireworks. :)

Goin' to Guat -- Day 2

Friday, January 16, 2009

Day 2 in Antigua, Guatemala with J:

*Fantastic pancakes for breakfast!

*Headed out to explore. Note: Looking at a map, Antigua looks easy to figure out. Basic grid system of one-way streets. However, you soon learn how few streets are actually marked, so you have to learn landmarks instead.

*Found a bank and exchanged some money.

*Found an indoor market. Spent a lot of money on a lot of souvenirs. Had to carry a huge bag back to our hotel with a boy complaining that his feet hurt. Oh, and I had no idea where I was going. :)

*Rested a bit and then headed back out. Finally found Central Park -- easy to find, but we had originally headed in the wrong direction our first time out. Picked a restaurant for lunch where J chose to have a hamburger and fries. Unfortunately, his mama forgot to order it plain, so it came with ketchup and mayo on it. Yeah, that went over well. I couldn't believe we were sitting in GUATEMALA and he was refusing to eat. But eat he did.

*After lunch, got some frozen yogurt and went to hang out in Central Park. Great place to people watch, but also a place to get approached by those needing money. Pointed out the shoe shine boys to J -- shouldn't they be in school? We then had a woman and a baby want to sell us a necklace. Two school-aged girls who spoke English decided to tag on. They went away when two police officers showed up and just stood there. I bought a necklace from the woman -- having an adorable Guatemalan baby to feed was enough for me. It's a wonder I didn't just empty out my money bag. After she left, the police hung around for a bit, but as soon as they left here come the girls demanding that I buy from them. Honestly, they were mean, and I didn't care for their methods. I think it scared J. I ended up giving them a few dollars but not taking a necklace. Totally wrong way of doing things. After that we walked back to our hotel, and I took that moment to explain it all to J -- why those girls had to do what they were doing.

*Back at the hotel, I was smart: Took the time to go through souvenirs and recall prices for that trip back through Customs. We rested a bit, and then eventually headed out for dinner. Being a bit later and not really wanting to be out much after dark, we just went around the corner to the pizza and pasta place. How exotic, huh?

*The evening was topped off by two events. First, we got a knock on our door and told that our "friends" were out front waiting for us. Friends? Yeah, Juan Carlos. Um, no friends, sorry. Second, someone close by had a loud rockin' party including a trumpet. They danced the Macarena -- had to smile when I realized, hey, at least they probably know the words. So, not a lot of sleep that night.

And those were the highlights of day 2. Getting lost but finding our way. Using my Spanish somewhat successfully. Buying stuff. Interacting with those in need. Enjoying the beauty all around.

Day 3 right around the corner!
:)

Goin' to Guat -- Part 1

Well, we did it. Short version: We went, we saw, we loved it. Fabulous trip.
Now, for those of you who might like a little more detail, here's the long version:

First, a little background. Parents of foreign born children know that more than likely they will travel back to their child's birth country. The hard part is figuring out the best time to do that and how that might go. We had always heard that middle school age is the best time to attempt such a trip, so we had always assumed that this is when we would go to Guatemala with him. However, after bringing home the youngers from Ethiopia, the need for J to connect with his heritage became great. Waiting until middle school got thrown out the window, and instead we realized it was time to take him at the age of 9. So, the planning began.

Because of S and E, we decided that this would be a short trip for J and his mama. I started researching and planning back in the summer and had tickets booked by fall. We would fly into Guatemala City, have a driver pick us up, and spend our time in the colonial city of Antigua. On the one hand, it wouldn't give him a clear picture of where he came from, but on the other hand it would be safe and at least give him a taste of it all.

So, very early on Thursday, January 15, 2009, we set out for the airport. Our flight left Columbus a little after 7:00 a.m. after being thoroughly de-iced. We landed in Atlanta, and I had hoped for the chance to get something to eat and go to the bathroom. Nope. We were running to our next gate and managed to get there with just a few minutes to spare. Our 3.5 hour flight to Guatemala City was highlighted with an in-flight movie, and our choice of a $7 sandwich or a $6 cheese plate. We stuck with our own snacks and free peanuts and cookies.

As we circled around GC preparing to land, we took in the scene out of our window. Incredibly beautiful mountains, volcanoes and lakes mixed with the not-so-beautiful cement and metal of the city. Looking closely, you could see the packed neighborhoods of little houses spreading out far and wide. As we taxied to our gate, I had to smile a bit at the sight of airport workers in short-sleeved shirts and not bundled up like those in Columbus. Good sign! We made our way off the plane, through immigration, and found our one checked bag. As we stood outside the airport waiting for our driver to bring his van around, I noticed something unusual for me. As we stood near a family of Guatemalans, my 5 feet 4.5 inches seemed quite tall. J was almost as tall as the adult men. Finally, our driver came around with his van and loaded us in. Off we went.

As we drove away from the airport, I found myself comparing Guatemala with Ethiopia. I was surprised at how nice everything seemed to be: Nicely paved streets with lines and traffic lights! New cars! Beautiful palm trees! Not as much smog and pollution! We laughed at seeing the American favorites -- Burger King, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut and, unfortunately, a Hooters. Gas appeared to be about $3.00 a gallon at the Shell station. Once I got used to seeing the typical sights, I started looking past them. This is when I started really seeing things as they actually are. No, I probably wouldn't want to walk most of these streets on my own. The poverty became more apparent as you looked down the side streets and looked more closely at the store fronts and the people out and about. We drove on, and I soon realized that we were driving through Mixco. J's birth place. We didn't see much of it, but we saw enough for me to imagine what life would be like for his mother. You know, they say that poverty alone is not sufficient reason for adoption, and I agree. But I also know that women in this country and in others often have many compelling reasons for giving up their babes. So, while I had a moment of wondering if J really needed to be taken from his home country, I also reminded myself that I had not walked in his mother's shoes and should not judge or feel guilty. I continued watching the sights as the van rolled on out of the city and toward Antigua. J fell asleep.

The drive to Antigua is beautiful. A well-paved road winds its way through some gorgeous country -- green, hilly, beautiful. Lots of stuff being sold off the road. Need some furniture? Paintings? Other decor? It took maybe 45 minutes to get to our destination. It became obvious that we were there when we saw the cobblestones and the old buildings. Our driver took us right to our hotel: Casa Concepcion. They call it a boutique hotel, but we would call it a bed and breakfast. Behind a high wall and thick wooden door, we were led to a beautiful house with lovely grounds. There were four regular rooms, each with its own bathroom, and there apparently is also an apartment available. We had a living room (with access to a laptop with internet!) that we could use, a dining room for our breakfast, and a patio for lounging. All I can say is that it was all simply beautiful. Decorated in a traditional fashion, everything seemed to be of high quality and done with style. Somebody hired a great decorator! J kept saying that he wanted to take it all back with us.

After winding down a bit, we decided to head out for some food -- we were both starving. We walked around the corner from the hotel and found a pizza and pasta place. So, our first night in Guatemala we had pepperoni pizza and 7-Up. Yeah, not the traditional black beans and tortillas, but I was ok with that. Soon we headed back to crash in our room. Great idea, but I soon learned not to expect quiet evenings -- noisy birds, sounds of cars on the cobblestones, and booming fireworks made sleeping a challenge.

Here's some pics of Casa Concepcion:



And that was day 1. Day 2 to be blogged when I have the chance.
:)

just need to say...

1. If you don't have any kids, don't give me parenting advice. You have no clue. Seriously.

2. If you do have kids, but your kids have never experienced the loss and abandonment of my kids, then think twice before giving me parenting advice. You might think it is all the same for all kids, but you would be wrong.

3. If you do have kids, and they have experienced loss and abandonment, then by all means offer it up!

Just sayin' . . .

Next Week: Off to Guat

Next Thursday, January 15, 2009, J and I leave for our trip to Guatemala. It is a trip that has been planned for a long time -- and planned in my head for even longer. Every parent who has a child born abroad knows that the day will come when that child will need to visit their birth country. While I was hoping that maybe J would be a little bit older before we went, now feels like the right time. So off we will go. Just the two of us.

On the one hand, it feels just like a regular vacation getaway. Jetting off to a warm place to escape the chill of central Ohio. Staying in a nice hotel. Shopping for tons of souvenirs. On the other hand, there is an underlying current of emotion. How will he react? Will he be shocked? Will he be proud? Will he freak out? Will he fall in love with his birth country or will it bring out hidden questions and anxieties?

I have no idea. This is why I planned a short trip. My guess is that he will have a mixture of all of those things. Seems better to give him a small taste and leave wanting more than to be there for two weeks with a child who might become an emotional wreck. I think even if we come home feeling like rainbows and butterflies that eventually all the other will bubble up. So the questions are: How will he react? Will the hard stuff come up immediately or later? Or both? Will this change his life?

I know it will change mine.

notes for the new year

Hallelujah! December is over! Christmas is over! It's 2009! A normal routine returns! I openly admit to being a total scrooge, but can anyone really blame me? Every year the season starts earlier and earlier -- this year it was way before Halloween -- and by the time the actual day arrives, I am sick of it. Add to that the fact that M's work schedule gets totally turned upside down, and the stress of it all simply grows. Oh, and don't forget having kids with their schedules out of whack, all the shopping that needs to be done, the decorating to do and then take down, all the food that you can't resist and end up having to work off, and the damn holiday music that seems to play non-stop. (I got through this season without hearing "Hey, Santa" or "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer." One small blessing to be thankful for.)

So, yeah, I'm a scrooge. I long for it all to be different. For it to be simpler. Less commercialism, less money, less time. More family, more quiet time, more reflection, more happiness.

And while I'm being pissy, let me throw out one more thing: If you are going to decorate the outside of your house, do it tastefully and use some sense. For example, the cross is a Christian symbol, but it is not really a Christmas symbol. Remember, Christmas is about the BIRTH of Christ -- not his death. And if you are going to use religious decorations (like a nativity scene) can you do it without reindeer? I'm guessing they were not at the blessed birth. Finally, can you please take it all down before we observe the Resurrection? Yeah, I know you think that just because you don't turn on the lights that no one can tell you still have them up, but we can see them. And, yes, we make fun of you for it.

So now 2008 is finally over. It was a year that felt like a lot of work, but I think some good things came of it all. What will come with this new year? I have no idea. But I hope that starting it off with a trip to Guatemala with J will set the tone for great things. Leaving in a week and a half -- stayed tuned and I'll let you know how it goes!

Happy New Year!