an educational mumble

Adoption can be a complicated topic to discuss with those who know little about it. Instinctively, I want to go into great detail and really educate someone when they ask me a question. Even the stupid ones. Like this one: "So will your baby speak English?" (um, well, she probably won't actually talk at all because she will be a BABY!)

Usually we get more complex questions that really should receive complex answers. At least, the intelligent complex questions should. Other questions are just nosy, judgmental, and rude. This is where I really really really want to educate the person, but the short answer is usually best.

Over on the Transracial Adoption Blog, she provides some great ways of answering the question, "So why don't you adopt from the United States and help out our own?" Because I am one who would typically give a smart-ass response ("So, how many kids have you adopted??") I enjoyed her more intelligent responses. One of my favorite is that children everywhere deserve loving families. One child isn't more deserving than another. Probably the best answer and perhaps truest is to simply say, "Because that is where my child is."

I love when someone truly wants to know more about adoption and is genuinely interested in what we have experienced. I will gladly share my knowledge. In no way do I want to discourage questions or dialogue; I do want to encourage thoughtful reflection. For those who might worry about inappropriate questions, here are some to avoid:

So, how much did he cost? (Baby selling is illegal; you pay for the process, not the baby.)
Don't you want one of your own? (He IS my own!)
Will you tell her she's adopted? (If I don't, I think she will figure it out when she puts her brown skin next to my paleness.)
Don't all those kids have AIDS? (NO!!)
Don't you want one who looks like you? (Not really. Why would I?)
Can you give him back? (Well, just like birth parents can relinquish their bio children, an adoptive parent can give up an adopted child. But this isn't a puppy we're talking about. It is not easy to do and not encouraged. Like birth parents, an adopted child IS your child in every way. We're not shopping for a handbag at Macy's.)
What language will she speak? (see beginning of post.)
So, you'll be like Angelina and Brad! (Nobody adopts so that they can be like a celebrity. While most admire what they have done, making comparisons with this famous pair will likely bring on eye rolls. Anybody who adopts internationally in order to be like AJ will fail miserably in the paper process.)
Why don't you just get knocked up? (Uh, waaay too personal. As we used to say, none of your beezwax! This is especially one to avoid if you're talking to a single person.)

There are others, but those are the ones that come to mind right now. If anyone can think of more they would like added to the list, let me know.