"what would I do with a boy?"

We once had a former sister-in-law say this. I remember being struck dumb by that statement and not knowing what to say. The fact is, though, that most people have particular wants and desires when it comes to their children -- boy, girl, hair color, etc. When you adopt, you actually get to choose some of these things.

When we adopted J, we had no gender preference; just wanted as young as possible. With him being our first, we wanted to experience as much of infancy as we could. We also knew how important the first 3 years of life are with regards to development, and the thought of having a toddler was a little frightening. So, getting J at just shy of 8 months old was wonderful.

Fast forward to 2005. We're trying to choose our country. China or Colombia? China: 95% baby girls, referrals in 6 months. Colombia: both genders, age of child dependent on age of parents, referrals 18-24 months. We really agonized over the decision, but in the end felt we again should go for as young as possible (ayap). Referrals in 6 months was another bonus. So, China here we come.

Fast forward again to spring 2007. At this point, we still didn't have our referral from China. By April of 07 we were at 14 months of waiting -- and that was just from when we were logged in there. The wait was terrible, but it did something for us. It made us realize that we were at a different place on the adoption spectrum. Surprise referrals for boys started popping up from China, and there were people freaking out. Hey, they chose China specifically because they wanted a girl, dammit! We sat here thinking, "We'll take him! We'll take him!" And then, others were concerned about ages. There seemed to be some babies being referred that were (gasp!) older than 12 months. Hmmm. . . . we thought. We could handle that, too. We started realizing that we were open to more than just a baby girl.

When our agency began their Ethiopia program, we started talking about a 3rd child. Now, keep in mind that when we got married, we had always hoped for more than 2 kids. When it became apparent that we would be lucky to have just one, 2 sounded pretty good. With this new program, the idea of a 3rd child suddenly became a real possibility. With so many orphans needing homes, Ethiopia has babies, toddlers, school-agers and teenagers waiting for families. They are boys and girls. Sib sets and singles.

So, we switched. It is, of course, very possible that we may come home with an infant daughter, just like we would have if we had stayed with China. That's ok. I'm a true believer that we all have the children we are meant to have. But, I will be at peace knowing that we opened the door a little wider. Having requested 1-2 children of either gender between the ages of 0-36 months, I have wrestled with all the possible referrals we may get and have come away feeling ready for anything. (M says we are adjusting our defense -- going to a zone coverage.) It's really hard to prepare when you don't know what is coming, but hey, we're sure to have more time than we had for J -- a whopping 5 days.

We could get our referral at any time. Hard to say when. If I could still do cartwheels, I would be outside embarrassing myself and my boys. So, instead, I'm just going to dream about what may come. And do some laundry. And grade some papers. And clean the house. And somehow keep myself occupied.