I hate tv

July 1997. That was the last time we had cable. For those of you with horrid math skills like mine, that was 10 years ago. For the last 10 years, we have accessed local tv stations using our rabbit ears atop (or beside or hanging off the edge) of our television. We basically get about 6 channels in well: nbc, abc, cbs, fox, pbs and whatever channel 53 is. Honestly, when it is on, it is usually tuned to pbs. Josh loves pbskids, and we tend to be fans of shows like "This Old House" and the occasional documentary. The other channels get used for finding out the weather and watching sports.

When our tv died earlier in the year, we refused to give in to the super-duper-flat-screen-hang-it-on-your-wall-because-it's-so-cool-and-everybody's-got-one Best Buy marketing ploy. We had the perfect excuse to give into those material desires -- our tv was dead! Here's why we didn't:

1) Those puppies aren't cheap, and when you are adopting, you don't spend money on fancy-schmancy gadgets.
2) We would have felt compelled to sign up for digital/cable/satellite/whatever. Let me tell ya, it's really hard to pay for something when you haven't paid for it for TEN YEARS!
3) We don't want to become tv junkies, which we probably would just to justify paying for the tv and the cable.

So M went out and replaced our dead tv with a super cheapo brand of tv that I had never heard of. Nothing flat about it. And to get pbs in we have to use the tuner in the vcr, so the tv is always set on channel 3 and we use the vcr to turn channels. We made this purchase knowing that the day will come when we will need to give in, break down, and join the digital world. If we didn't have a child in love with pbs, I would be tempted just to chuck the thing out the window and not have a tv at all.

But if I did that, then I wouldn't be able to watch Big Ten football. Oh wait. I CAN'T DO THAT ANYMORE!!! Why? Because they went and created something called The Big Ten Network and now they can't even get cable companies into agreement. Idiots. I will admit my first reaction was, "Omigod -- where do we sign up??" How can I not watch Buckeye football? I enjoy games from other conferences and schools, but they can't replace my Buckeyes and Big Ten games. But then I thought about it a little more. How many other people are panicking about losing their free access to Big Ten sports? How much money are they going to make by making us all pay to see the game? Why should they have all the power? Screw them. I'm turning on my radio. So far, it's still free.

"what would I do with a boy?"

We once had a former sister-in-law say this. I remember being struck dumb by that statement and not knowing what to say. The fact is, though, that most people have particular wants and desires when it comes to their children -- boy, girl, hair color, etc. When you adopt, you actually get to choose some of these things.

When we adopted J, we had no gender preference; just wanted as young as possible. With him being our first, we wanted to experience as much of infancy as we could. We also knew how important the first 3 years of life are with regards to development, and the thought of having a toddler was a little frightening. So, getting J at just shy of 8 months old was wonderful.

Fast forward to 2005. We're trying to choose our country. China or Colombia? China: 95% baby girls, referrals in 6 months. Colombia: both genders, age of child dependent on age of parents, referrals 18-24 months. We really agonized over the decision, but in the end felt we again should go for as young as possible (ayap). Referrals in 6 months was another bonus. So, China here we come.

Fast forward again to spring 2007. At this point, we still didn't have our referral from China. By April of 07 we were at 14 months of waiting -- and that was just from when we were logged in there. The wait was terrible, but it did something for us. It made us realize that we were at a different place on the adoption spectrum. Surprise referrals for boys started popping up from China, and there were people freaking out. Hey, they chose China specifically because they wanted a girl, dammit! We sat here thinking, "We'll take him! We'll take him!" And then, others were concerned about ages. There seemed to be some babies being referred that were (gasp!) older than 12 months. Hmmm. . . . we thought. We could handle that, too. We started realizing that we were open to more than just a baby girl.

When our agency began their Ethiopia program, we started talking about a 3rd child. Now, keep in mind that when we got married, we had always hoped for more than 2 kids. When it became apparent that we would be lucky to have just one, 2 sounded pretty good. With this new program, the idea of a 3rd child suddenly became a real possibility. With so many orphans needing homes, Ethiopia has babies, toddlers, school-agers and teenagers waiting for families. They are boys and girls. Sib sets and singles.

So, we switched. It is, of course, very possible that we may come home with an infant daughter, just like we would have if we had stayed with China. That's ok. I'm a true believer that we all have the children we are meant to have. But, I will be at peace knowing that we opened the door a little wider. Having requested 1-2 children of either gender between the ages of 0-36 months, I have wrestled with all the possible referrals we may get and have come away feeling ready for anything. (M says we are adjusting our defense -- going to a zone coverage.) It's really hard to prepare when you don't know what is coming, but hey, we're sure to have more time than we had for J -- a whopping 5 days.

We could get our referral at any time. Hard to say when. If I could still do cartwheels, I would be outside embarrassing myself and my boys. So, instead, I'm just going to dream about what may come. And do some laundry. And grade some papers. And clean the house. And somehow keep myself occupied.

the adoption spectrum

Yesterday I was chit-chatting with my friend, Jen. Sometimes I think Jen is as excited about our growing family as we are, and she seems to not only not mind my adoption ramblings but actually encourages them. After mulling yesterday's conversation over, I thought of two things I wanted to post about. I'll do one of them here and then the other in the next post.

First, I want to talk about something I call the adoption spectrum.

One one end of the spectrum we have people who will never ever in a million years consider adoption and don't understand others doing it. For a variety of reasons, they just can't do it. While that makes me sad, I respect those who realize that. A child should not be adopted by those who can't love him/her as they would a bio child. At the other end of the spectrum, we have people who can adopt any child from any situation -- older, special need, transracial, etc. I think these people are made of totally different stuff than the rest of the population. It's like they have been injected with super-strength parenting powers, and I stand in total amazement and awe of them.

The rest of us tend to fall somewhere in the middle of these two ends. Some people are fine with adopting, but only if the child is an infant that looks like them, i.e. a white newborn. Others are fine with adopting transracially as long as we're still talking about an infant. Then, we have those who can stretch the age boundaries a bit a long with the race differences. After that, we come to some very special people. There are some who adopt older kids -- healthy school-agers. These are kids who desperately yearn for a family, but they have to compete with those infants who are so in demand. They have certain challenges, to be sure, but I believe that families who adopt these kids often find themselves rewarded like they never could have imagined. Another group that goes with the older kids are the special needs kiddos. Some may find it hard to believe, but while many of us get nervous at the idea of parenting a SN child, there are families out there who actually seek out children with illnesses, physical deformities and other issues to parent. They, too, find themselves incredibly blessed to have these kids.

So, why I did I bring this up? Two reasons. One, I would like everyone to really think about where they fall on the adoption spectrum and why. I think it can really tell us a lot about ourselves. Please know, however, that one place on the spectrum is not better or worse than another place, which brings me to reason #2. I want everyone to think about the broadness of adoption. Whenever you want to question a family's adoption decisions (and trust me, there have been a lot of families that I have wanted to question but didn't) think about the fact that there is such a wide range of possibilities and what may work for one family won't for another. Adoption is a long thoughtful process, and families put a lot of consideration into their decisions. It is easy to sit back and wonder why a family would adopt at all, much less why they would adopt a certain child or children.

Next, I plan to talk about our own place on the spectrum and how we found ourselves there.

an educational mumble

Adoption can be a complicated topic to discuss with those who know little about it. Instinctively, I want to go into great detail and really educate someone when they ask me a question. Even the stupid ones. Like this one: "So will your baby speak English?" (um, well, she probably won't actually talk at all because she will be a BABY!)

Usually we get more complex questions that really should receive complex answers. At least, the intelligent complex questions should. Other questions are just nosy, judgmental, and rude. This is where I really really really want to educate the person, but the short answer is usually best.

Over on the Transracial Adoption Blog, she provides some great ways of answering the question, "So why don't you adopt from the United States and help out our own?" Because I am one who would typically give a smart-ass response ("So, how many kids have you adopted??") I enjoyed her more intelligent responses. One of my favorite is that children everywhere deserve loving families. One child isn't more deserving than another. Probably the best answer and perhaps truest is to simply say, "Because that is where my child is."

I love when someone truly wants to know more about adoption and is genuinely interested in what we have experienced. I will gladly share my knowledge. In no way do I want to discourage questions or dialogue; I do want to encourage thoughtful reflection. For those who might worry about inappropriate questions, here are some to avoid:

So, how much did he cost? (Baby selling is illegal; you pay for the process, not the baby.)
Don't you want one of your own? (He IS my own!)
Will you tell her she's adopted? (If I don't, I think she will figure it out when she puts her brown skin next to my paleness.)
Don't all those kids have AIDS? (NO!!)
Don't you want one who looks like you? (Not really. Why would I?)
Can you give him back? (Well, just like birth parents can relinquish their bio children, an adoptive parent can give up an adopted child. But this isn't a puppy we're talking about. It is not easy to do and not encouraged. Like birth parents, an adopted child IS your child in every way. We're not shopping for a handbag at Macy's.)
What language will she speak? (see beginning of post.)
So, you'll be like Angelina and Brad! (Nobody adopts so that they can be like a celebrity. While most admire what they have done, making comparisons with this famous pair will likely bring on eye rolls. Anybody who adopts internationally in order to be like AJ will fail miserably in the paper process.)
Why don't you just get knocked up? (Uh, waaay too personal. As we used to say, none of your beezwax! This is especially one to avoid if you're talking to a single person.)

There are others, but those are the ones that come to mind right now. If anyone can think of more they would like added to the list, let me know.

Aug. 24th

We had been told that our dossier would leave for Ethiopia last week -- the 17th -- but, alas, that is not the case. Apparently it is now heading out this week on the 24th. Have to say I'm bummed about that, but I'll get over it.

So, timeline is 3-4 months for referral and then travel about 2 months after that. This means we could have a referral before the end of the year and then travel early in '08. With Mark's work and my teaching quarter, that would work out perfectly. Now, let's see if it actually happens that way!

Nah, I don't need no stinkin' freedom of speech

You know, sometimes we really don't think about our rights until one of them gets stomped on, torn up, and thrown in the incinerator. Then, when that happens, we're ready to join the Marines and blow up something.

As many of you know, I had (noticed the past tense of my verb) a bumper sticker that plainly and succinctly expressed a view of mine. It only had 3 words. One was the name of a politician (I was going to write "leader" but I don't think that would be an apt description) and another one of the words was "poopy". I had it on the back window of my car. I used to get flipped off for it, but in recent times I started getting thumbs up and strangers asking me where I got it. (I love it when I'm ahead of the crowd.)

Now, living in the purple state of Ohio means that we have quite a mixture of blue and red. So, I have seen my share of stickers that I disagree with. I would love to go and rip them off the offending car or use a magic marker to correct it in some way, but I don't. First of all, that would be messing with someone else's property, and that is a big no-no. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, this is someone's freedom of speech that we are talking about. We, as Americans, pride ourselves on the fact that you can speak your mind and not have your tongue cut out and nailed to a post. We say things like, "I may not like what you say, but I will fight for your right to say it." We shake our heads in disbelief when we learn of how other governments control the basic freedoms we take for granted here.

So is all of this a bunch of hooey?? Do we really not believe in this stuff? Yeah, it was just a bumper sticker, and, yeah, I know there are those who would say that I should not show such disrespect to the person currently holding the post of leader of the free world (notice once again that I really do not call him a leader here.) But the question is not whether it is right or wrong of me to do so. The question is whether I am allowed to do it. The answer is YES, I AM!! It is my personal opinion of a public figure and I am without a doubt allowed to express that, golly-gosh-darn-it! (When I get mad, the really bad words come out. Again, freedom of speech.)

To the person who felt the need to violate my constitutional right to free speech, I hope you feel incredibly guilt-ridden. And, while you may have hindered my ability to express myself, you have not stopped it. (Yeah, right. Like anyone has ever been able to shut me up -- especially when it comes to expressing my opinion.) A brand new sticker will be on my car soon. CafePress.com here I come.

oh my, you're gonna cry

I found this YouTube link on another family's blog. Wait for it -- it starts about 30 seconds in. Have a box of Puffs or a double roll of tp at the ready.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBhaGS3S99I

A good read

Here is an excellent article on adoption, bio kids, parenting, and how much things have changed in the past 50 years.

http://nymag.com/news/features/35817/

baby deluge

Baby showers. What can I mumble about baby showers? You go to someone's house or the church basement or the party room at the country club, and there is the mommy-to-be glowing and great with child. There are all the women -- her mom, her sister, her great-aunt Myrtle, and the cousin she hates. There are the two women she works with who feel uncomfortable because they don't know anyone else there. Inevitably, without a doubt, the conversation will turn to pregnancy, labor and delivery. The female version of fish stories. One horrific story after another. The pain, the suffering, the c-section. And you just sit there with a smile pasted to your face and nodding your head because you have absolutely nothing to contribute. You can't really relate to what they are sharing, and you know that your own horror stories of paperchasing would go right over their heads. So you keep smiling and nodding. Then, those wonderful games start. Fortunately, most of them can be played while continuing the discussion on swollen ankles and fainting husbands. We can also eat our cake and ice cream while playing games and comparing stretch mark remedies. Oh, and when it is time to open presents, then we can pause to just ooh and aaahh for awhile.

Can you tell that I am not a big fan of the traditional baby shower? Great in concept. Lousy in execution.

So, it was a nice change of pace this weekend when we went to my seester-in-law's house and had a wonderful time at their shower. M's seester and her hubby (the baby-daddy) are expecting their first child in September. This was a couples shower, so all the husbands were in attendance. This meant that at least half of the people there had never given birth! Wonderful! No stories of birthin' babies in the backseat of a car or of someone having their water break in public. We mingled and socialized from room to room, filled up on my father-in-law's chocolate chip cookies, and watched the soon-to-be parents open some great presents. (The only time I had to do the smile and nod routine was when they opened up a Michigan mobile with a dangling block M, little baby wolverines, and it plays the fight song. (Personally, I think this may give the wee one nightmares. I did attempt some in-utero counter programming that evening by saying "go buckeyes" into my seester-in-law's bulging belly.)

All in all, it was my kind of baby shower. My seester-in-law glowed, the baby-daddy took everything in stride, and a good time was had by all. Now we all just have to sit back and wait for the newest member of the family to arrive.

Did you hear it?

Did you hear that big sigh of relief that just went out into the world? In case you were wondering, it came from me. I was standing in our kitchen when Kellie, our adoption coordinator called to tell me that our dossier had been sent to D.C. for authentication. They should receive it back either Monday or Tuesday, and then it will be expressed to Ethiopia!

The other thing she said to me was, "It shouldn't be long now." Sounds like they have lots of children to place. Even if we were to receive a referral somewhat soon, we wouldn't be able to travel until it went through Ethiopian court. The courts are closed now for the rainy season and won't reopen until the beginning of October. Then, they will have a backlog that they will need to work through. Considering the insanity of M's job during December, it would actually work out best for us to travel after the first of the year. It would also allow me to finish out my quarter without getting a sub!

One of the difficult parts of all this is the inability to really prepare until we have a referral. Because we have asked for 2 of either gender, 0-36 months, there are about 7 different combos we could get. Makes it hard to do things like buy clothes and set up a bedroom -- although they will be in our room for awhile. Thankfully, we still have a lot of clothes and things from when J was a baby, so that will help. Unless we get 2 girls! Ack! Of course, it is possible that we will only get one baby, and that will make things easier, but I would rather prepare for 2 just in case.

You know, the first 6 months or so will just about kill us, but that's ok. They will be our children, and that is all that matters in our world.

the interesting mumblings of J

So, I took J to the dentist this morning. All went well. As we were finishing up, I told J to wait in the lobby area while I paid up the tab. (Quite painful when you don't have dental insurance. Ouch!) So, J took his little goody bag and went to the lobby. As I was making future appointments and paying up, J kept poking his head in with commentary. My favorite was when he opened the door, held up the PINK toothbrush from his goody bag and declared,
"I'm so disappointed," with a shake of his head. I thought about asking for a different color, but I decided I didn't want to be one of those moms. (You know what I mean.) And, I guess since I try not to be one of those moms, I didn't get any fussing out of J. He accepted the pink brush. I'm sure it will never see the inside of his mouth, but that's ok. He still has his blue one that lights up.

Then, we strolled on over to Wendy's for a bite to eat. Quite a treat for the middle of the week. While we were enjoying our unhealthy lunch of chicken sandwich, nuggets, fries and root beer,
J wished out loud for a stomach like girls -- you know, because they can have babies in there that come out of certain places. Then, he would be able to eat as much as he wanted and then let it all come out like those babies. Sometimes I just LOVE the way a 7-year-old's mind works. (Hey, maybe THAT is the secret to losing those pesky pounds! If only.)

Can't wait to see what he comes up with the next time when the dentist uses the laughing gas!

um, where's our dossier??

First off, those who may be curious about the name of our blog should go watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory -- the Johnny Depp version. All will become clear. (Is it blasphemy to admit to liking a new version of a movie more than the original "classic"? My apologies to any movie traditionalists out there.)

Well, checked in with our agency to find our where our paperwork might be. I fedexed our dossier to them on July 24th, and I know they received it on July 26th, but then I heard not a peep. On the one hand, no news is usually good news, but on the other hand I was starting to worry that maybe fedex had actually delivered our dossier to the 7-eleven down the street and our agency had no clue that it had been sent to them. (These are the kinds of irrational fears you tend to have when doing an international adoption. It sounds crazy, but there are some true crazy stories out there!)

So our coordinator, the wonderful Kellie, emailed me today and said she would check with the St. Louis office to see if it had been sent off to D.C. yet. Sounds like it should have been. If it has, then we may be within a week or so of having it shipped off to Ethiopia!! I'll be sure to post a more definite answer when I have it.

Kellie also told me that the interest is growing in Ohio for Ethiopian adoption. I was thrilled to hear that!

The beginning. . .

Ok. Here it is. The very first post on our very first blog. Wondering what our blog is about? So are we! Well, we sort of have a clue about it. . .

You see, we are currently a family of three plus a fur kid. We are on track to become a family of FIVE plus a fur kid when we bring home our children from Ethiopia. We feel that this could provide all kinds of fodder for entertaining blogging -- more so when M writes than when C writes.

One may ask if we are crazy for jumping from one kid to three. That answer would be yes. But we have found craziness a great way to live life. I have always loved rollercoasters. . .

So, be sure to keep arms and legs inside the cart at all times and seatbelts fastened tight! Here we go!