pink problem part 2 (i really hate pink now)

This morning I opened the new box of pull-ups (technically, "easy-ups") for E. They were pink. I had accidently bought the box with Dora on it instead of Diego. I suppose some people would have returned them for the requisite blue pull-ups, but I couldn't bring myself to do that. (Besides, that would require using the $3.50 a gallon gas currently in the minivan.)

So, E is wearing pink pull-ups. J wanted to know if he could tease him about it. NO!

I ask you, why is it even necessary to make the pull-ups gender-specific?? I mean, come on! When shopping with kids in tow, the last thing I really have time to do is stand at the shelf and focus on which cartoon character is on the box. The other part of this that annoys me is that if E were a girl and I had accidently bought the blue Diegos, it wouldn't have been quite the societal faux pas as it is if a boy has pink peeking out from his pants. (Kind of like the pink sweatshirt jacket he was wearing the day we got him!)

It's just wrong all the way around. Damn those pushers of pink! What's also annoying about is that it isn't that I dislike pink or refuse to dress my daughter in pink. I just wish the "creative" designers and marketers of all things girly would realize that they can use other colors.

So, if you see my son wearing Dora pull-ups, please don't tease him. Not his fault.
Ok. rant over.
:)

word to your mama

We're having an explosion around the Mumblerrr household! A vocabulary explosion. I haven't tracked all the things 21-month-old E can express and I know that a lot of it can only be translated by us, but it has been amazing to realize how good his language skills are becoming -- especially when you consider that he spent the first 16 months of his 21 months hearing Amharic.

With this communication growth has come his ability to express possession, so now everything is "my" or "mine". My ball, my car, my bear, my purple wah. After sitting on the potty he likes to declare, "My butt, my peepee, my butt, my peepee," while indicating each. Yes, sweetie, that is your butt and that is your peepee.

Recently, he has taken possession of his big brother: "My J." Of course, it does a mama's heart good to hear this. But, with his arms wrapped around me, this is what makes me melt into a pool of mama goo:

"My mommy."

Yes, my sweet little boy. I am your mommy.

:)

pollen and the pink princess

Remember several months ago when our house was a poopy house? Dealing with 2 new kiddos with intestinal ickies and a cat not finding his litter box, my days were filled with poo, poo, and more poo. Well, all that cleared up and things have been, um, "regular" for some time now.


This week we have a new bodily excretion: snot. We appear to have 3 kids with seasonal allergies. E's nose has been running non-stop, S sneezes about a million times in a row, and J fights itchy, watery eyes and nasal congestion every spring, summer and fall. So, our house isn't a poopy house; it is now a snotty one. Ewwwwww.


New topic from left field:


Can I just say how annoying I find the pink-n-purple-princess marketing for girls????? Why does every freakin' thing have to be either pink or purple and have a white Disney princess on it? Clothing, tricycles, balls, chairs, cups, underwear, toothbrushes, et-cet-er-a, et-cet-er-a. ICK!!! This weekend I went shopping for a tricycle for S and actually found a red and blue one that looks like it is supposed to be for a boy, but the box that it came in has a little girl on it (good for them!) But while I was looking for the trike, I also looked at bicycles. What the heck?! Is it even going to be possible to get her a bike that is any other color than pink, purple, and white? We happen to still have J's first bike downstairs in our basement that I will probably pull out for her when the time comes -- if I can find the training wheels and the hardware for them.

But I ask you, why should I be made to feel that any primary colored object is for a boy and I can only buy pastel puke stuff for S -- especially if Sleeping Beauty or Cinderella is on it?? So stupid.

Now, if I could find some pretty Snow White tissues to wipe these runny noses, THAT might be worth buying. At least it would be cathartic. "Here sweetie, let the princess get all those boogies for you."

:)

new season, new curiosities

SPRING SPRING SPRING!!!!
It appears to be here. The windows are open, bugs and birds have returned, and the trees are poppin' out with buds and blossoms. For most people who live in places where winter actually happens, the arrival of spring brings a happy sense of renewal, energy, and relief. For me, I was looking forward to all of that plus the hope that we would reach that new normal that we have been seeking since our family grew from 3 to 5.

I am happy to report that that new normal is here more often than not. You know how when you start a new exercise routine and you think it just may kill you, and then before you know it you have plateaued and what was once a challenge now doesn't make you break a sweat? Well, while we still get out of breath from time to time, this new routine we took on last November has become much easier.

Along with the chirp of the crickets and the buzzing of the bees we have the delight of two children discovering a new world around them. Some examples:

1.) "It's warm? No coat?"
2.) shorts and short sleeves draw curious looks and touches. yes, those are dad's knees.
3.) ice in drinks. what is that?
4.) what are dad and j doing kicking a ball around with a bunch of strange kids?
5.) a kite!! we've only seen that in books!
6.) sunglasses. so cool.
7.) dandelions, grass, "flowers" -- yes, feel free to pull those out of the grass
8.) open windows. the backdoor opens?! wow!
9.) hey, we can play with neighbor kids outside!
10.) windows down in the car. Who knew?

Just imagine when we put on bathing suits and go to the pool.
:)
Happy Spring!

curly Qs and corkscrews

When adopting from another culture, it is very necessary to research and learn as much as you can. You know, all the important stuff -- beliefs, religion, geography, holidays, history, hair. Yes, hair. One of the things I learned about the African-American community is that hair is of great importance -- even greater than I had ever realized. It isn't just about it looking good; there is a lot of history and personal connections that go deeper than the follicles. Our two young children are Ethiopian, but they do not carry a sign around identifying their country of birth; therefore, society sees them as African-American. (I guess once they get their citizenship they truly will be!) Anyway, the thought of doing African hair struck great fear in me. Actually, it was more the fear of doing it well enough to take my daughter out in public. Would women of color look at her with pity and me with disgust?

I wasn't too worried about E. He's a boy. S, however, came to us with the most wonderful, beautiful braids, and I took one look at them and knew I could never duplicate them. Poor girl. She had to get a mom who can rarely do her own hair well. What could I do? I had to do some research. I got the recommended books and scoured the internet and attempted to arm myself with the knowledge of how to do my new daughter's hair. The tricky part was not knowing what her hair was like until we finally met her. The other tricky part was not knowing what her hair was like until the braids came out.

On top of being a bit intimidated by doing her hair, I was a little overwhelmed with what products to use. Like every other part of child rearing, everyone seems to have their opinions on the best hair products for African hair. I was a little worried. What if I chose the wrong stuff and ruined her hair? Was I going to have to spend more on her shampoo, conditioner and goo then I spent on my own? What about oils? Then someone sent me a link to Mowtown Girl. Finally! A web site that not only gave a ton of advice and product reviews, but most importantly gave people like me some common sense direction, and reminded me that we are dealing with hair. Hair that may be different than mine but still just hair.

While I had always planned to keep S's hair natural, I thought that I had to keep it in braids and twists. But I had noticed the little girl across the street didn't do that -- her hair was often pulled back in one big puff or even left to spring free all around her head. I was intrigued. Could we do this too?? I started to ask around and discovered that it isn't really the style that is important but that the hair looks healthy and cared for. I became brave and started leaving S's hair down. As usual, I used the detangler (Suave for kids) and gobs of leave-in conditioner (Garnier-Nutrisse) and started finger-combing her corkscrew curls. I pulled out the barretts, clippies, and headbands that I hadn't really used yet and gave them a shot. I also found some anti-frizz curl goo (alcohol-free) that has been fab! The result? Super-cute curly hair that gets complimented -- and you can tell people want to touch it. I know I have a hard time keeping my own hands out of it!

infant, no?

I have been wanting to write this post for a long time, but I just haven't had the quality time necessary to do it justice. Well, I still don't, but I am going to attempt it anyway. (Hey, it's not like you will know when I pause to deal with a screamin' child or to put someone on the potty, right??)

What I want to focus on is the idea of adopting a toddler or preschooler -- an idea that was once a bit scary to us. You see, most people go into adoption wanting AYAP (As Young As Possible.) And for many of those people, that also means an AYAP girl. When we started paperwork to adopt J, we had no gender preference, but because he was our first child, we did want AYAP. Besides the obvious reasons, we had also heard the problems that often come with an older child. We weren't ready for that. Then, in 2005 when we started paperwork for #2, we had to do a little more contemplating: We were no longer first-time parents, we already had a boy, our child was already 5 years old, and this would likely be our last adoption. We were choosing between Colombia and China because Guatemala was no longer an option for us. With Colombia, we would likely be matched with a toddler boy, and with China we would almost definitely get an infant girl. Besides being drawn to China, we were also a bit wary of "toddler boy" and what that would/could mean. So, we hopped in line for an infant girl from China. And we waited. And waited. And waited. We waited long enough for us to realize a few things: Gender didn't really matter to us, we could handle an older child, and the point was simply to become parents again. We had experienced an infant and didn't feel an overwhelming need to go through it again.

So what about the scariness of a toddler or (gasp!) a preschooler?? Toddlers are already "terrible" as we all know; what about an adopted one? And a preschooler? They already have language! How do you even communicate with them? What about attachment? We did our research about the special needs and issues that an older child may come with, and we also learned what we could from those who had gone before us. I will not lie. There is some scary, scary info out there about older adopted children. It is vitally important to research it, understand it, and figure out if you could handle it. That being said, I think many who do that are armed for the worst and they are pleasantly surprised at how prepared they are for what comes their way.

You also have to look at the country and situation you are adopting from. Has the child been in an orphanage from day one? Have they been in foster care? In Ethiopia, many of the older children have been living with family before being placed in an orphanage, so they tend to spend less time away from a primary caregiver and have fewer issues with attachment and bonding.

So, when we made the decision to switch from China to Ethiopia, we broadened our hopes: a sib set of 2, either gender, 0-36 months in age. We felt prepared for any combination that might bring, and I feel we received exactly what we were meant to: a 3 yo girl and a 14 mo boy.
Some of the plusses? No formula, no baby food, able to feed themselves, all or most teeth already in, walking, S able to dress herself, not having to lug around all the crap that babies requrie, easier communication. Yes, S came to us very fluent in Amharic, and we had some interesting times, but her native language (unfortunately) is all but gone. The language barrier was actually a fairly small hurdle and not one that I would use as a reason to not adopt an older child.

The big negative: not having baby pictures and other baby history.

One thing people worry about is missing all the "firsts." Yeah, sure, you do miss the first tooth, the first step, etc., and that is a toughy to accept. However, you still have a whole lifetime of firsts to experience, including a lot of firsts that they simply haven't experienced because of where they are from. For example, on Saturday the kids had their first milkshake. Let's just say I had to pry the cup away from E more than once. :) There are things that they have never seen, things they have never done, and foods they have never eaten. It really makes you see your world in a whole new way.

Would I recommend adopting a toddler or preschooler? Most definitely!! Just learn about the issues they may come with and be prepared to handle them. Remember that ALL kids have issues, and by knowing what yours may have, you will be more prepared than those who think their kids are perfect and problem-free. (hahahahahah -- that cracks me up!) Also, don't assume that infant won't have attachment issues -- even a home-grown child can have attachment problems. Our toddler and preschooler (now home 4.5 months) have been attaching to us beautifully and have transitioned remarkably well. I never ever ever imagined they would do so well.

Feel free to ask questions and I'll answer what I can.