curly Qs and corkscrews

When adopting from another culture, it is very necessary to research and learn as much as you can. You know, all the important stuff -- beliefs, religion, geography, holidays, history, hair. Yes, hair. One of the things I learned about the African-American community is that hair is of great importance -- even greater than I had ever realized. It isn't just about it looking good; there is a lot of history and personal connections that go deeper than the follicles. Our two young children are Ethiopian, but they do not carry a sign around identifying their country of birth; therefore, society sees them as African-American. (I guess once they get their citizenship they truly will be!) Anyway, the thought of doing African hair struck great fear in me. Actually, it was more the fear of doing it well enough to take my daughter out in public. Would women of color look at her with pity and me with disgust?

I wasn't too worried about E. He's a boy. S, however, came to us with the most wonderful, beautiful braids, and I took one look at them and knew I could never duplicate them. Poor girl. She had to get a mom who can rarely do her own hair well. What could I do? I had to do some research. I got the recommended books and scoured the internet and attempted to arm myself with the knowledge of how to do my new daughter's hair. The tricky part was not knowing what her hair was like until we finally met her. The other tricky part was not knowing what her hair was like until the braids came out.

On top of being a bit intimidated by doing her hair, I was a little overwhelmed with what products to use. Like every other part of child rearing, everyone seems to have their opinions on the best hair products for African hair. I was a little worried. What if I chose the wrong stuff and ruined her hair? Was I going to have to spend more on her shampoo, conditioner and goo then I spent on my own? What about oils? Then someone sent me a link to Mowtown Girl. Finally! A web site that not only gave a ton of advice and product reviews, but most importantly gave people like me some common sense direction, and reminded me that we are dealing with hair. Hair that may be different than mine but still just hair.

While I had always planned to keep S's hair natural, I thought that I had to keep it in braids and twists. But I had noticed the little girl across the street didn't do that -- her hair was often pulled back in one big puff or even left to spring free all around her head. I was intrigued. Could we do this too?? I started to ask around and discovered that it isn't really the style that is important but that the hair looks healthy and cared for. I became brave and started leaving S's hair down. As usual, I used the detangler (Suave for kids) and gobs of leave-in conditioner (Garnier-Nutrisse) and started finger-combing her corkscrew curls. I pulled out the barretts, clippies, and headbands that I hadn't really used yet and gave them a shot. I also found some anti-frizz curl goo (alcohol-free) that has been fab! The result? Super-cute curly hair that gets complimented -- and you can tell people want to touch it. I know I have a hard time keeping my own hands out of it!